Campfire Tales

Hey, all you lovebirds out there...

Rockin' Rob's telling you to listen to this one...

from inside home, sweet home. No joke, kids.

Police are still searching for Willie "The Hook" Peters...

who escaped yesterday from Burke State Mental Hospital...

so stay safe and stay cool with this next hot tune.

# Oh, well #

# I'm #

# Uhh, sittin' here, la la #

# Waitin' for my ya ya, uh-huh #

# Uh-huh #

# A-sittin' here, la la #

# Waitin' for my ya ya, uh-huh #

# Uh-huh #

# It may sound funny #

# But I don't believe she's comin', uh-huh #

# Uh-huh #

# Baby, hurry, don't make me worry #

-I'm a virgin. -You are?

# Uh-huh #

# Oh, yeah, baby, hurry #

# Don't make me worry, uh-huh #

# Uh-huh #

Stop.

# You know that I love you #

# Oh, how I love you, uh-huh #

# Uh-huh #

# A-sittin' here, la la #

# Waitin' for my ya ya, uh-huh, uh-huh #

What? What's the matter?

# A-sittin' here, la la #

Nothing, nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

# But I don't believe she's comin', uh-huh #

Just a second. Let's take this off.

No. No.

Unzip this. Come on. Just do it.

No. No!

Don't. Don't.

What gives, Jenny? I thought you liked me.

Look, I thought I saw someone out there.

# It may sound funny #

Come on, Jenny, I know you don't want to do it.

You don't have to make excuses about it, though.

I'm serious, Eddie. I saw someone.

What if it's that guy with the hook hand?

OK.

All right, well, forget about it.

They're not-- Nobody's lookin', all right?

Come on, don't worry about it.

# Baby, hurry #

# Don't make me worry, uh-huh #

Unh. Unh.

There! I saw someone.

Well, I don't see anything, all right? Now, come on.

# And, oh, how I love you #

There! There was a flash!

Look, there's nobody out there, OK?

Eddie, listen, I want to get out of here.

OK, how about just, you know--

No, no, no.

-A handjob? -What? No!

Get--No! You take me home! Take me home!

What are you doing?

Eddie! Drive, Eddie! Go!

All right. Cool it, will ya?

I just want to go. Take me home!

-Go! -Right!

# Mama said there'll be days like this #

# There'll be days like this, Mama said #

# Mama said, Mama said #

# Mama said there'll be days like this #

# There'll be days like this... #

This doesn't look like my house.

Just one burger, all right?

Tch.

# Everything was going fine #

# I met a little boy named Billy Joe #

Chicks, man.

Eddie? Eddie?

-What? -I'll have a milkshake.

# There'll be days like this, my mama said #

# Mama said, mama said #

Oh, my God.

Why didn't the guy get one of those fake hands?

God, man, I don't know.

They didn't have them back then.

Like you know.

Slow down, baby.

It's under control, Lauren. Relax.

We should've stayed on the highway.

Ohh, we don't need no highway.

We take the back ways, man. This is the scenic route.

Would you get your boyfriend in line?

Just chill out. Enjoy the ride.

I shouldn't have come.

Whoo hoo! Ha ha ha!

Man, this is the best car, man!

Well, would you drive like a decent human being?

Cliff, watch it.

Watch. Watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch.

Whoo hoo! Whoo hoo hoo hoo!

-Knock it off. -It's not funny, Cliff.

Aw, come on, Lauren, lighten up.

Come here.

Cut it out and watch the road.

-Not in front of my brother. -You guys are gross.

Me? I'm not doing anything.

Would you get on the right side of the road?

Come on, man!

Nobody else out here. It's just us.

Cliff! Cliff, watch it!

-Are you sure you're OK? -Yeah, I said I'm fine.

OK.

Oh, man. I'm sorry, you guys.

Oh, baby, I'm so sorry.

I know. I know.

Oh, God, you're bleeding.

Need a hand?

Fuck off.

Well, obviously she's feeling OK.

Thank God we didn't hit that car.

They came out of nowhere.

They came out of nowhere?

You were the one that was all over the road.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe this.

Oh, my God, my brother's gonna kill me, man.

Listen, I'm really worried about Eric.

He looks really shaken up.

Hey, you OK?

-Yeah. -Huh?

Want to help me start these flares?

OK.

All right.

They didn't even stop.

Probably thought we were crazy.

Uhh.

Let's just start walking.

-Where? -You can start walking, OK?

I can't leave my brother's car here.

If you had just stayed on the highway like I said...

we wouldn't be here freezing our asses off...

in the middle of nowhere.

Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass?

Why do you have to be such an idiot?

Fuck you.

Oh, God, would you guys please stop it? Please?

Eric, where are you going?

-You guys, come look at this. -Give me the flashlight.

Oh, my God.

Looks like it must have been a church.

God, this place is creepy.

It's just a building, Alex.

Wow, this looks like early nineteenth century.

I'd say...

1837.

How can you tell?

Well, it says it right there.

See, it's not that bad, man.

We're all OK, you know?

We saw a great concert.

Right?

It was pretty awesome.

There you go, buddy.

You wear that T-shirt tomorrow to school...

you're gonna be the man.

Guys, maybe we should go back up to the road.

That way, if a car comes, then they can call for help.

Yeah, right before they kill us.

We're OK.

If a car comes, they're gonna stop at the flares...

and we'll hear 'em.

You want to build a fire?

Nice.

Ohh.

Don't burn the article about the concert.

What's the matter?

Holy shit.

What?

Two people were hacked to death around here.

Yeah, right.

Let me see that for a second.

Oh, this is sick.

What?

"Police speculate that the murder weapon...

was an ice pick or possibly even a meat hook."

They say they have a suspect...

but they haven't made an arrest yet.

That's pretty freaky shit.

Ohh.

Hey, you OK, Eric?

What? Yeah.

You're lookin' a little scared over there.

No. I'm not scared at all.

Well, uh...

I think that's just 'cause...

you know, you're with me right now.