BUNK'D

-Lou! -Jeepers, Bill!

You almost cost me my good thumb and I paid a lot of money for this sucker.

Ignoring that. I figured out the next clue in our treasure hunt.

Check out the riddle on the back of the jade compass.

"To find the treasure," "you must begin to take a journey deep within."

Well, I hope they don't mean that old well,

because it belongs to the spiders now.

No. I bet it means it's in Tush Caverns.

That's the deepest part of the ranch.

Not counting Jake's poetry.

That boy is surprisingly soulful.

Kikiwaka Ranch, Lou Hockhauser speaking.

Unless it's the Health Department,

then this is Helga, ja!

What? Really? Me?

Thank you, I'm so honored.

-What accent was that? -No idea.

But the treasure hunt's on hold.

I've just been named "Young Rancher of the Year" by Rancher Monthly.

Someone from the magazine's coming to interview me tomorrow.

Wow, Lou, congrats.

You have done a really good job here.

Dodging the local authorities at every turn.

Thank you. It feels so nice for my hard work to be recognized.

Oh! This is the best day of my life.

I thought you said every day you spend with us is the best day of your life.

Oh, Bill.

That's just something you say right before you raise camp tuition.

Hey, Destiny. I have a very special guest

coming to camp today, and...

And you need me to keep Winnie from blowing anything up.

Got it. No promises.

Actually, I need you to lead campfire while I'm busy.

Heck, you can even make the s'mores vegetarian.

Great. Wait...

What are they now?

Do you really wanna know?

I do not.

Anyway, I want the cabins to come up with an official song for campfire.

So you can kick us off. -That's a great idea, Lou.

You know, I have always wanted to write

an educational power ballad

about the dangers of overfishing.

Yeah, save it for your TED Talk.

Your song should be about what it means to be a Mustang.

And if you do a good job, this could be a camp tradition that lasts forever.

So, what are you thinking?

I'm thinking that this is a huge responsibility

and I won't let you down.

I'm also thinking about the time I found a whisker in my s'more.

That's ridiculous, crows don't have whiskers.

You guys aren't gonna believe...

What am I looking at?

Just two bros finding their center.

Okey-doke.

Anyways, Megan, the girl I met in town,

is coming over later for our first official date.

Nice, dude.

And to think your mom was worried you'd never find love.

You leave your mail out.

So what do you got planned for the big day, champ?

Get this, we're gonna watch a classic sci-fi movie.

Why are you laughing? Because that's a terrible idea.

And I just like to laugh.

Noah, this is your first date,

you gotta go as big as possible.

This could be a story you two tell

your mutually-owned pets one day.

And watching an old movie is a story you'll be telling your reflection in the window

as you stare at the rain, wondering what went wrong.

Hmm. Those do sound like the only two possible outcomes.

Don't worry, I'll plan you the perfect date.

Wow, thanks, Parker.

If this goes well, we'll name our Labradoodle after you.

That's the dream.

Well, the camp is all ready

for the Rancher Monthly reporter to drink it all in.

Except for our water, of course,

which no one should ever actually drink.

Do you think they'll send Big Dan Randall?

His reports on manure industry corruption really caused quite a stink.

Seriously, though, lots of people were fired.

Hey, y'all. And howdy.

I'm Clementine Cartwright from Rancher Monthly.

Well, howdy right back at you. I'm Lou.

Owner of this here ranch.

And this is Bill, one of the young ranching minds I mold on a daily basis.

Just go with it.

You know, I love your magazine.

I don't recognize your name.

I just started at Rancher Monthly,

but I've been ranching ever since I was knee-high to a grasshopper.

You grew up on a ranch?

You bet your biscuits.

But Pa had to shut it down

after our water got contaminated with nuclear run-off.

Folks just don't like it when their steaks glow.

Well, we are thrilled to have you here, Clementine.

And I cannot wait to get started on my article about you, Lou.

Those fields I drove by are just beautiful.

Fields? Farms have fields.

Ranches have pastures. It's where we keep the cows.

Got you, I was just making a joke

that went "pasture" head.

Get it? Come on, now.

Well, let's get you settled in.

You'll be staying at Owl cabin, it's a hoot.

It's also the only cabin with clean sheets and reliable plumbing.

We are still off the record, right?

Thanks, y'all.

Be back quicker than you can say,

"Hey, Pop, why do our chickens have fingers?"

Something seems off about her.

Did you see her boots? They're brand-new.

No scuff or stains.

I mean what kind of self-respecting rancher

doesn't have their boots covered in cow splatter?

That's your beef with her? Not enough poop on her shoes?

Also, I can't place that accent.

And how can she confuse a pasture with a field?

Oh, cut her some slack, word police.

I've heard you say "pasghetti."

Let's see... What rhymes with "mustang"?

"Mustang..."

Bus fang.

Nope, that's awful.

Why couldn't I be in Bear cabin?

Bear, care, stare, it practically writes itself.

Winnie, can you turn your music down?

What? I can't hear you, the music's too loud.

I'll turn it down.

I'm trying to write a song about our cabin to sing at campfire.

Sweet, my mom just sent me my guitar.

I can help. Let's see what you got.

Whoa, "bus fang"! Nice.

Let's work on this together, I'll grab my axe.

I mean my guitar, not a real axe.

Although... -Nope.

I mean, as much help as you would clearly be,

I'm the first counselor of Mustang cabin,

so it should really be my responsibility to write our song.

Okay, cool.

Then I'm going to town on my teeth.

I just ate a s'more and it was pretty gristly.

Okay, everything's ready for your date.

I kinda blew the sports budget on this.

So from now on, the kids are gonna have to play tether-brick.

You don't think the suit's too much? -No way.

You'll thank me for all this when I'm the best man at your wedding.

You know I have a brother, right? Don't worry,

I'll let him down easy, that's what a best man does.

Here comes Megan.

Why, hello, Megan, you look lovely today.

Thank you, Noah.

I didn't know this was gonna be so formal.

But you look nice too.

And a little sweaty.

Yeah.

A wool suit in the dead of summer

was an interesting choice!

Shall we?

Oh, my.

This isn't what I was expecting from a date at a camp

that you said couldn't afford real life jackets.

Well, just like our safety equipment,

I'm full of surprises.

Welcome!

My name is Jacob, your maitre d'

here at Chez Kikiwaka.

Is there a particular table you wish to sit at?

The only one with plates?

Excellent choice, sir.

You really went all...

Megan, I'm so sorry!

Slippery rose petals on a freshly-waxed floor?

Another interesting choice!

It's okay. I know you're just trying to be sweet.

Hey, look,

she's already "falling" for you.

That was inappropriate, I'll leave now.

This afternoon, I present to you,

deconstructed mound of brown.

Surprisingly, when it's separated into its parts,

it's neither mound nor brown.

What is that smell?

Oh, that is a chili vapor,

it's supposed to awaken the palate.

It's awakening my tear ducts.

Are you sure you're not crying

because it's such a beautiful occasion?

No, my eyes are on fire.

With romance, right?

I need to wash my face.

Megan, are you okay?

What happened? -I can't see anything.

Read the room, guys!

Noah, buddy, I'm really sorry about earlier.

Me too.

Luckily, Megan agreed to come back tomorrow and give me a second chance.

Dude, nice!