Blood Car

Let me set things up for you.

It's the future, like, two weeks from now.

Gas prices are at an all-time high.

Nobody drives anymore, not even truckers.

And a trucker who doesn't drive, well, you know.

And you know that saying,

"If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen"?

Well, people still say that.

But they don't drive cars.

And teenagers having sex in cars?

That still happens too, but in graveyards, car graveyards.

This is a story about a man who decided to change all that.

It's a story about his invention.

It's a story about society.

It's a story about you.

Oh, yeah!

- Yeah! - Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah, fucking bone me!

Yeah!

Oh, yeah, you're getting boned, baby!

Yeah!

Then, the Little Blue Engine began to pull.

She tugged and she pulled, she pulled and she tugged.

Puff puff, chug chug went the little engine.

"l think I can, I think I can,” she said.

Slowly, slowly, the train started to move.

The dolls and toys began to smile and clap.

Puff puff, chug chug.

Up the mountain went the Little Blue Engine.

And all the time, she kept saying,

"l think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

Up, up, up.

The little engine climbed and climbed.

At last, she reached the top of the mountain.

Down below lay the city.

"Hurray, hurray!” cried the dolls and animals.

"The boys and girls will be so happy," said the toy clown,

"all because you helped us, Little Blue Engine."

The Little Blue Engine just smiled.

Hi, Archie.

Hello, Lorraine.

Doing all right?

Oh, you know, just here.

You know?

How's your wheatgrass car coming along?

Yeah, it's coming along, I guess.

That's a great shirt.

It's really funny.

Just need some more wheatgrass today.

Did you get a new bike?

No, I didn't.

Two dollars, right?

Really, it looks different.

Maybe it got a new haircut.

What?

I was just making a joke.

Yeah.

Yeah.

- Bye, Lorraine. - Yeah.

- Take it easy. - I'll see you later.

Hello, Mrs. Butterfield!

Ah!

What?

It all starts with you guys.

You can make the difference.

Don't forget about your letters.

You guys have a good day.

Hey, Archie.

What's up?

How was school?

Fine.

- I need more wheatgrass. - Hey, I thought of

a great idea for your wheatgrass engine.

What if you put pedals on it, like a bike?

Then, you could ride it like a bike.

It's just an idea that I had.

Two dollars?

Actually, it's two fifty.

Wheatgrass prices are going up.

Are you joking?

No. No kidding.

But hey, for you, two dollars.

- Are you sure? - Of course.

You're only like my best customer.

I appreciate it.

Hey, Archie, I was thinking,

would you want to maybe hang out some time?

I'd really like to see your wheatgrass engine.

It's just an idea, another one—

- I'm real busy. - That I had.

And it's a school night, I guess.

Yeah, it sure is.

Sometime though.

- Maybe. - Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, when you're not so busy.

Sure.

Two dollars?

Yeah.

Hey Lorraine, got any more bags?

I'm all the fuck out.

Yeah, I got some.

Is this your boyfriend?

Are you her boyfriend?

No.

- He's just my friend, Archie. - I'm just a customer.

You're always over here.

Why don't you come over to my stand, buy some meat?

I'm vegan.

He likes wheatgrass.

He's making a car, and it's gonna run on wheatgrass

'cause the gas prices are so—

Come on, you know you want some meat.

You know you want it.

I'm vegan.

Hey, Denise, don't steal all my customers.

She's so crazy.

Yeah.

Here you go.

Hello, Mrs. Butterfield!

What if you put pedals on it, like a bike?

Why don't you come over to my stand, buy some meat?

We looked at it.

We're pretty sure it's cancer or cancer.

Yes, Jenny?

What is photosynthesis?

Well, no, Jenny.

We're talking about volcanoes, okay?

And I wish you would just stop raising your answers

in the form of a question, okay?

All right.

So next, we will...

Um.

Hmm.

Next, we will...

Hey, Archie.

Want some wheatgrass?

Yeah, yeah, wheatgrass, a gallon of it, now.

Wow, that's a lot.

Hey, what happened to your hand?

Listen, I don't have time to talk right now, really.

Okay, well, I...

Come on, come on, come on.

It works! It works!

Woo!

Oh.

It works, Archie.

You got it to work?

More wheatgrass, Lorraine.

Absolutely.

What did you do?

Blood, sweat, and tears, Lorraine.

That's all it takes.

This is amazing.

I am so happy for you.

Is this yours?

Yeah, that's mine.

What, did you win the fucking lottery or something?

Not literally.

Your boyfriend can afford gas, Lorraine.

That's quite a catch.

I'm not her boyfriend.

No?

Gosh, I'd give anything to ride in a car.

Sure, I can give you a ride.

What's your name?

Archie.

I'm Denise.

I love riding in cars.

What about the meat stand?

Meat sells itself, Lorraine.

I want to ride in a fucking car.

They're on the move.

They've got the car running.

Okay. Copy.

They're on the move. They've got the car running.

They're on the move. They've got the car running.

Video feed.

Copy.

It's coming.

Do you like my legs?

Oh.

I'm sorry, I was just—

It's okay.

I like you looking at them.

How fast does this thing go?

I'm not sure.

Well, let's see.

Well, I think we might run out of bloo— uh...

I like to do the speed limit.

Okay, well, tell you what,

you go real fast, and I'll make it worth your while.

What does that mean, free meat?

Uh, I don't know.

Come on.

You know you want to do it.

That's it.

Oh! BJ!

- What's going on? - It's the car.

It's the car running out of fuel.

That's too bad.