The Michael J. Fox Show

Hi, I'm Michael Henry.

I was lead anchor of the Channel 4 news until I left five years ago.

The great thing is,

I've been able to spend more time with my family.

Dad, you're moving too much. I've got to zoom out and start again.

Honey, you could shoot me from across the street.

It wouldn't make a difference.

Maybe if you had gotten me a phone with an image stabilizer.

That would cure it.

Come on, people. Whose turn is it to set the table?

Sorry, I was stuck at this never-ending staff meeting at school.

Ooh, pasta.

Yeah, I put two things of kale in it, but you'd never know.

- Hey, Dad. What do we got? - Eve, set the table.

- Kale. Two things of kale. - No standing and eating.

This standing and eating thing has got to stop.

This family's going down a dangerous rabbit hole.

First we stop connecting, then next thing you

know, we're under a bridge, tying each other off.

- How do you know that move? - I had a past before you, Annie.

- Hey, Dad. - Okay.

- Mom, garlic bread, hit me. - No, don't hit him. Don't hit him.

- Nice! - Okay.

- I'm still eating it. - Really?

There's a dining room table right there. I'm looking at it.

- I'm looking at it right there. - What up, fools?

Enough with the kale. We get it: You're white.

Will you put those things away? You're scaring the kids.

- 'Sup, Aunt Leigh? - Oh, my god.

Amazing meal, Dad. Another triumph.

Let's go, Aunt Leigh.

Stop calling me Aunt Leigh. Tonight we're sisters.

What about the plan? We were gonna have dinner,

then go get frozen yogurt, and maybe have a leaf fight.

- A leaf fight? - Or something.

Do you know that frozen yogurt isn't actually frozen yogurt?

Yeah, it's just powdered animal gelatin and corn syrup.

What are you trying to do to your family, Mike?

Just be home by 10:30.

- That's it? We're done? - Yep. Later.

Well, at least you and me can have a meal together.

I'm already done.

1x01 - Pilot

How would I describe Dad?

He's from Pennsylvania, not as funny as he thinks he is.

He wears hats like they just fell off a shelf

in a store and whatever insane way it lands on his head,

he just keeps it like that.

For 20 years, he's poured everything he had into work.

Now he pours it all into us. Yay!

Hello! Wake up! Wake up!

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Don't make me be a tickle bear.

- Go away! - Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

There's only one way to get me to stop.

Wakey, wakey, Kevin Bac-ey!

You never had to drag me out of bed, Dad.

- These kids have no work ethic. - Said the college drop-out.

I didn't drop out of college.

I opted out so I could focus on my passion:

Reimagining the search engine.

Lebron went pro out of high school.

Why should I have to wait until I'm 22 to make my first million?

Even if I have to do it in my little brother's room.

Legos everywhere. They're not even put together right.

How is this a tug boat? Seriously.

Ah, this kid is strong. He's badger-strong.

I've got 30 poems to grade before senior English.

- How do you grade poetry? - Harshly.

The world doesn't need more bad poetry, Mike. I am the firewall.

Why don't you get out of here? I'll take the kids to school.

Okay, Eve's got a Bio test first period. Don't be late.

Why do you have to teach at my school?

- Why do you have to go to my school? - Are you wearing that?

What, are we driving a Zamboni to school?

Ow... how can you hit a man in my condition?

Got it? Thanks.

Hey, you guys want to go apple picking this weekend for the day?

No, I want to go to key foods for five minutes.

Yo, 5:00 news! We love you, bro!

Thanks, man. And thanks for that.

Mike Henry, world's most beloved man. There's no one who doesn't love you.

- Harris, how you been? - All right.

- Getting tall, Graham. - Hey, Harris.

Hey, Eve. That's a nice jacket. What, you working on an oil rig?

- Ha. - I saw the newscast last night.

- Mm. - Are you serious?

Another scare piece on the dangers of fast food?

The public's been warned, Harris. They don't care.

- What about the kids? - It's New York. What could happen?

You know what else you've got to change?

Linda's new sign-off. I mean, "find your happy"?

We used to infiltrate gangs.

I held a cameraman's neck for an hour so he wouldn't bleed out.

I remember. You won your fourth Emmy for that.

Hey, Mike Henry!

Miss you, man! Keep fighting!

He's not the only one who misses you, Mike. We all do.

You should come back to work.

Come on. Are you forgetting why I left?

Do you remember the rolling chair thing?

If you spend your time worrying about the worst-case scenario

and it actually happens, you've lived it twice.

And with that, I leave you the same way I have

every night for the last 11 years:

Stay informed, New York. Nightly news is next.

Well, you seem better.

Plus we have these little things called wheel locks now.

Look, Harris, I don't want a pity job.

We both know if I come back,

NBC's going to milk it by showing me in slow motion

with lame uplifting music in the background.

As long as I'm the news director, that will not happen.

It's a good idea, though. Come on. Just think about it.

We need you, man. No one's watching the news anymore.

We got beat by a show called "color splash" last night.

- That's literally watching paint dry. - Mike Henry. You're a brave man.

My grandma has Parkinson's.

Yes, my Dad is a celebrity, and people love him.

Blah, blah, blah.

But why does everyone have to stop and tell him

about another person who also has Parkinson's?

Alcoholism is a disease.

Do people go up to David Hasselhoff

and tell him about their crazy uncles?

All right, guys, settle down.

Grapes of wrath updates:

- Eve, how's it going? - Good. Really good, thanks.

- How are you? - I'm good. Thanks.

- Please tell me you started your project. - Of course I have.

I am doing a video on another family: The Henrys.

I just think that if I could compare

my father's struggles to that of the migrant laborers,

that could really go a long way with the healing.

- Sounds good. Due Thursday. - In the grapes of wrath,

Ma and Pa Joad escape the dust bowl.

My Dad's condition is the dust bowl of my family,

and we are the grapes...

Wait, are we the grapes, or are we the wrath?

- Ah, who gives a... - Quiet! I'm trying to work in here.

You be quiet.

If Parkinson's has taught me anything,

it's that you can't control everything.

Last newscast?

Yeah, they run a Levitra ad in front of it now.

- What's Levitra? - I so love that you don't know.

- Nightly news is next. - And he sticks the landing!

So you told Harris that you are definitely not going back?

I mean, I'd just be a feel-good story to them.

I don't want to be the guy who gets a standing ovation

- every day at work. - Standing ovations?

- Ugh, those sons of bitches. - You know what I'm saying.

I just... I feel like you've been a little intense around here lately,

that's all. The apple picking, leaf fights?

I don't like leaf fights. I'm not a raccoon.

When I left work, I thought the silver lining

was that I'd get to spend more time with you and the kids,

but now you all have your own things going on.

I have just the fix for you.

You have to be here tomorrow between 11:00 and 6:00.

We need a new dishwasher because Graham broke ours.

- Graham. - All you have to do is let them in.

And make sure that they connect the main water line

to the filter line, and... you know what?

- Hey, I'll leave you a note. - You know I hate this stuff.

I was going to go work on my book tomorrow.

Well, I can make it up to you.

When was the last time you took your medication?

- Hours ago. - Oh, good.

Then I don't have to do all the work.

I don't know; it feels like bangs are for heavy people.

I had bangs last summer.

Well, you're the exception that proves the rule,

although summer is always your biggest season,

- if I'm just being real. - Thanks for that.

Is this why I can't go write today? So you can babysit a haircut?

It's not just some haircut, Michael. It's a symbol of my mortality.

At the concert, some idiot actually thought

that I was old enough to be Eve's mom.

Does this idiot have eyes, ears, and the ability to process information?

I know it's hard for you to step outside your charmed life

and see other people's challenges, but I'm about to turn 30-FF-nna.

I have less eggs inside me than a Bennigan's

because they don't serve breakfast! Michael, are you even listening to me?

Oh, no. You lost me at Bennigan's. Whatever happened to Bennigan's?

Mike's a generous big brother... to a point.

Like, he helps me pay rent on an apartment in the building,

but it's in the basement. These windows don't let any light in,

but scumbags can watch me walk around naked.

Why don't you close the blinds?

Because one of those scumbags might be a doctor.

Mike Henry! News on Channel 4!

- Stay informs! - Dishwasher!

- Mike Henry! - Right, Mike Henry. Dishwasher.

This is the place.

Where is this thing? Oh, here it is.

Oh, great. "Connect the gravy..."

- Why would it say "gravy"? - This is not gonna be helpful.

So you know what I'll do? I'll call my wife on her cell phone,

and she will straighten this whole thing out.

That's my peabody award.