Mike & Molly

Wow, there's so many banquet halls to choose from.

Yeah, a veritable plethora of choices.

Mike what are you doing?

You've already eaten all your weightwatcher points for today.

No, I still have three left.

No you ate those three points, sneaking that candy bar

when you were taking out the garbage.

It was fun sized. And how did you know about that?

Well the first clue, was that you actually volunteered to take out the garbage

and the second was the peanut shard stuck in your chest hair.

That peanut could have been there for days.

Fine, I'm not gonna be the diet police.

Okay, gimme that.

All right, I think I've got a couple that, you know,

might work for us,

and if we start saving now,

I think we should be able to afford it.

Hang on, isn't it traditional

for the bride's family to spring for the wedding?

I think I'm a little old to ask my mommy to pay for our wedding.

I'll ask her.

And you'd feel comfortable with that?

I eat candy next to garbage cans.

I'm not a prideful man.

Oh my God, look at that sweet ride.

Mike, we're in the middle of something.

Gorgeous.

What is she, a '57?

You are correct, sir.

'57 Chevy Bel Air sport sedan.

It's got a 283 with a two-speed power glide.

When I was a kid, this was my dream car.

Well, this and the Oscar Meyer weiner mobile.

Well, for ten grand you can live the dream, my friend.

Deal.

No, no, no, no, Mike.

What are you doing?

Right, you're right.

I'll give you $9,500. Deal.

No, no deal.

She's right.

I should test drive it first.

Deal? Deal.

Could everybody just stop saying "deal"?

Deal.

ooh, this is kinda neat.

You could get married on a four- hour cruise on Lake Michigan.

Sure.

The only thing people like more than sitting through a wedding

is being trapped at sea with a boatload of drunk cousins.

Yeah, it shifts from a cocktail party to a hostage situation

in about an appletini and a half.

What about just having a traditional church wedding?

Well, Mike's mom would love it if we got married in a church,

so we won't be doing that.

I did a good job with you girls.

I'm telling you, they don't make engines like that anymore.

Exactly.

So it's gonna cost me an arm and a leg

for any replacement parts,

and that should factor into your asking price.

You're not really considering buying that car, are you?

Relax, I'm not going to drop eight grand on a used car.

You mean the used car you've been dry humping

for the last hour?

I was tryin' to get comfortable in the seat.

You unbuckled your pants.

That's how I get comfortable.

Fine, eight grand.

Vince, you're not going to sell that car to Mike for $8,000.

Thank you, mom.

We could get ten from a stranger.

Ten.

You already said eight.

How about what I said?

Did you say something?

You know what, do what you want.

But try and talk him down to $7,000

so you have enough left over to buy sex on the honeymoon!

You heard the lady.

$7,000.

Yeah, the engine looks clean.

What's he asking for it?

$8,000.

That's a good price.

And look at this back seat.

It's practically a hide-a-bed.

Oh yeah, you put in a toilet and a hot plate

and it's an efficiency apartment.

What kind of gas mileage does it get?

Only about six Miles to the gallon.

But it's got a 30-gallon tank.

Nice.

So almost 200 Miles between fill-ups.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm getting with the Galant now,

but with none of the roominess or pizzazz.

Oh yeah, you're up to your nips in pizzazz.

What kind of safety features?

It's got a horn, and I've got an airbag.

Oh, my lord.

The 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air.

Michael, is this your car?

Thinking about it.

Ooh, I had me some good times in the back of a Bel Air.

I lost something in one of these I ain't never getting back.

I'm going to pretend she's talking about

her high school ring.

I'd just turned 17 and had never been with a boy.

You know, because my momma was so strict.

Grandma, please, I don't need to be hearing all that mess.

You and Molly are going to look great

riding around in this thing.

Just tell her not to wear her high heels in the back seat.

She'll puncture this upholstery

and rip holes in the roof lining.

Grandma!

To tell the truth,

I don't think Molly's too keen on me buying this thing.

And we do have a wedding to pay for.

Well, she got an engagement ring.

Why can't you get something shiny?

He was the handsomest boy in our church.

It was his daddy's car.

And I remember

"if I had a hammer" was playin' on the radio.

And he did.

Grandma, seriously, that's not for my ears.

I'm just saying, this might be the last chance you get

to do something nice for yourself.

You're right.

I mean, if I'm not happy, how am I ever gonna make her happy?

Tug on her hair and stick a tongue in her ear.

How come you get dessert and I don't?

Because for breakfast I had cottage cheese and fruit

and you had a fried egg on a pop-tart.

Listen, if I promise to budget my points better tomorrow,

can I have a bite?

Sorry, pal.

You've been playing with the house's money

for about two days now.

You're telling me you didn't have anything to eat

when you were at Carl's?

No, I just showed him the car, that's all.

By the way, he thought it was a steal at that price.

Well, maybe he should buy it.

Carl would look like an idiot in that car.

Besides, his dream car is the Scooby-doo Mystery Machine.

He's a child.

Be that as it may,

I just don't think it's a practical purchase right now.

That car is an investment.

It originally sold for $2,000.

60 years later, it has appreciated 400%.

In my mind, we're driving around in our kids' college fund.

My thoughts exactly.

Listen, you can't decide anything

until you take a ride in it.

And if you don't fall in love with it the way I did,

I'll let it go.

All right, fine.

But we're stopping by to get some frozen yogurt

because I still have five points left.

That's impossible.

I want to see your score card.

You're shavin' points somewhere.

No, I'm just not having secret picnics by the garbage cans.

I'm telling you, we'll get a lot of use out of this car.

You know how you're always telling me what a big load I am on the weekends?

Well, in this baby, I'm a load on the road.

So it's basically just a couch that moves?

Oh, it moves all right.

Can your couch do this?

Oh my God, this thing is a rocket.

I told you.

We'd have a blast in this car.

I'm not saying it's not cool.

I just don't think it's very practical.

It'll be our vacation car.

We could take weekend road trips in it.

Well, it would be fun to get out of the house.

Maybe drive down Route 66.

We could take it all the way to the Grand Canyon.

Can I drive it? No.

I mean, yeah, yeah, you can drive it,

but there's no power steering

and you've really got to stand on the brakes.

So I'd never get to drive it?

What?

Who said that?

Nobody said that.

This is our car.

I was just giving you a little heads-up about how she handles.

Well, just pull over and let me drive.

Okay, but I'm warning you, it's big, it's loud,

and the tailpipe backfires.

I'll be fine, I sleep with you every night.

Well, maybe we can swing this.

You know, if we don't eat out as much,

and we could scale back on the wedding.

Now you're talking.