Ex

How did I do? You got the presents mixed up...

you almost set the house on fire.

You lost your hat and they recognized you... brilliant!

Nothing for me?

These are our favourite songs.

I made this for you.

I LOVE YOU

You really are Father Christmas!

Stop! Caught you at last.

Please, if you let me go...

I'll be really nice to you.

You're trying to corrupt me.

Obscene acts in public

This is my house, honey. Come on! Keep the act up!

Or it won't work. Okay, I surrender!

Trying to trick me?

You're trapped!

I read that a couple in Tel Aviv kissed for hours non stop.

That's a world record. Great lungs!

Are they unbeatable to you?

No!

Darling, look. A shooting star!

Make a wish. Okay

That was quick. Can I make it come true?

That depends

Do you have George Clooney's number?

Smartass

Come on!

Casanova used to kiss his lovers by the Eiffel Tower

The Eiffel Tower wasn't there in 1700!

I know, but if it had been, he would have

Did his tactics work?

Well, he was a professional...

kisser

MANY KISSES LATER

Love is a dangerous disease

which unlike measles and chickenpox

can be contracted more than once

"l will always love you."

"You're the love of my life"

But above all: "We'll be together forever"

are things we say when we're in love

Has anyone spoken these words?

Okay

Maybe you're not aware that dopamine, a neurotransmitter

builds up when we're in love

Dopamine is a sort of natural drug

that makes us see hearts everywhere

But these levels tend to decrease after a couple of years

It's scientifically proven: romance and passion ends

1000 days after the first kiss

Professor, may I ask you a question?

On this subject... I'm all ears

Are you married?

Me? No, I've been happily divorced for eight years

Just accept it

Sooner or later, you're destined to become someone's ex

EX

That's nice

I like it, darling. It's very pretty

It's not too big

It's nice. What did I tell you?

My folks were married in this church

When my mom sees this, she'll be in tears

When will this come down?

Let's ask Don Lorenzo

You'll like him. He's cool, he's not your typical priest

He looks... Sorry

I was arguing with my girlfriend. I mean...

my motorbike

Here we are, Don Lorenzo

Hi, Corrado

This is Elisa, my fiancee

Hello

Hi, Elisa

Lorenzo. No, Don Lorenzo

Don...

Will this work be completed in time for our wedding?

I'll ask

Caravaggio, will you be finished by St Valentine's Day?

If you pay me, sure thing!

There

In terms of maintenance, Mr. Martani...

you accept to pay , 3500 euros each month

And to renounce custody over the children

That's right, Ijust want this over with

While you, Mrs Zecchi

agree to that sum

and you don't want custody of your children either

Neither of you want custody? Have you discussed this?

I wouldn't mind having custody

but I own a fashion house in Milan

I'd have to fly back and forth. He lives in Rome, so...

That's no excuse. She doesn't own a fashion house!

It'sjust a walkin wardrobe!

I work from eight in the morning till two at night most days

I own a number of clubs, ask my lawyer...

Great dad he is. He sees his kids when they're asleep

He doesn't know how to show affection!

You gave them 200 euros for Christmas!

You get that, Your Honour? 200 euros!

They're 8 and 10. They asked for Gormiti, and Winx...

She paid them off like she pays the maid

So where will we place these children?

Can't they live with you? Do you have room?

Actually, my house is tiny

And I already have a dog

Brunori, I wasjustjoking. I didn't mean it

Your Honour, the children and l, the problem is...

that we don't get along, we're unable to communicate

Can I be honest?

The children in question aren't very nice

Right, they're horrid. You see?

Of course, look at their dad. They're your kids too!

You raised them, you keep them!

No, you keep them. No, you will!

You have them! You cow!

That's enough! What a model family!

I've never seen a case like this

Oh, all right, let's fix another hearing...

for the 12th

Come with your children

Do we have to?

Yes. Mr. Martani...

children are a serious matter

A family needs to be respected

Marriage shouldn't make people turn nasty

it should turn them into better people

Because you're a bitch!

25 years of marriage down the drain!

That's great, let off some steam

All you can do is work and complain

Thank goodness I work, otherwise who'd pay

for your holidays to the Seychelles and your skiing trips?

Idiot! I didn't work because you didn't want me to

You didn't want a wife, you wanted a maid

A slave! Calm down, Luca, easy

The squid tasted fine. This isn't about the squid!

It's a matter of principle: I can never express an opinion

Because this hysterical cow always has to bust my balls!

You treat me like a waitress!

Why didn't you take them out for dinner

instead of having me cook all day?

Would that have cost you too much?

Don't call me a cheapskate in front of my friends!

If I had killed her the first time the idea came into my mind

I'd be out ofjail by now!

If I killed you, I wouldn't even need to go tojail

They would judge me insane just for marrying you!

Goodnight to you all

Where is he going?

He's pretending to leave again. He's a real clown

This time, I swear to God, I'm never coming back!

Once again, goodnight

Goodnight

Sorry

After our kids left home, he lost it

I'll get the cake. I made it!

I think your friend needs to see a shrink

He had one: me

Kudos to you!

He's bipolar with manic depressive tendencies

Even Freud would have given up

Listen... why don't we have dessert at my place?

But it's only our first date

I know. But this wasn't planned

I mean, if the cake is like the squid...

Let's go!

In honour of the woman he loves your personal chef has prepared

his first Italian cuisine experiment: pasta carbonara!

It's yellow! It's the original recipe

Spaghetti, eggs, bacon, oil, pepper and pecorino cheese

Did your dietician recommend it?

Darling... it looks more like an omelette

It's the French version: "Omelette carbonara"

Don't complain, Giulia

You'll miss his omelettes

She'll miss them?

Didn't you tell him?

Not yet

What?

I have some bad news...

Your folks are coming? It's not that bad!

I've been promoted. I got a letter from the Ministry today

That's fantastic! Why did you say it was bad news?

The post is in Wellington, New Zealand

The land of "The Lord of the Rings"?

Yes

Middle Earth!

Do you have your cab money? Yes, right here

What time will you be back?

After we've pulled a couple of drunks

Soon then. You think so?

You haven't seen my seethrough thong yet

And I'd rather not. Bye!

Be back at 2: 00! 3: 00!

2: 30

I'll wait up. At 2: 31 I'll start reading your emails

I've changed my password. Bye, mom!

Here I am, honey bun!