Shameless

Next time you miss Shameless,

I cut off your testicles and feed it to homeless dog

who lives behind Alibi.

But today, you get free pass.

I tell you.

Phillip.

Tito, senior intern.

- Nice to meet you. - All right, follow me.

I'll show you around.

Filling out the paperwork

to disinherit you abortion-should-have-beens.

We are gonna start a maid service

that is not only topless, but also cleans.

We'll corner the market.

Your thing is kind of weird.

It has all this extra skin.

Confronted Caleb about that chick.

He's screwing her.

That's a nice stroller.

Where'd you get it?

I found it in the park.

I'm gonna sell it.

- Hello. - Hello.

Care to join us, doll face?

Sure.

Sorry to bother you.

I work at Patsy's.

I'd like to quit.

We should just shut it down.

If I stayed on as manager,

would you keep it open?

Just keep it afloat.

Shit!

Shit. Shit.

Fuck. Fuck.

You okay, babe? You had a bad dream?

Oh, my God.

Hey, uh, we were just, uh, working out.

Just breaking a sweat.

Sorry, got to get that lock fixed.

Yeah.

Might take a while to get him back to sleep.

You good to hang, and we can finish our workout?

No, you know, actually, I should, uh, I should go.

I got to be at my internship early.

What do you do there?

I work for free for a bunch of douche bags

whose asses I would've kicked in high school.

- Sounds fun. - Yeah.

You know your way out?

Yeah, yeah, I'll figure it out.

Okay. Come on, babe. Let's go.

Lights out. Come on.

No. No, no, no. No. No, no!

You have to love me! That's your job!

Shut up, man!

No, no!

- Shut the fuck up! - We're sleeping here!

You're dreamin'.

You're cryin' in your sleep.

What you dream about?

Pain. Betrayal.

Fiona and Debbie ripped my skeleton from my flesh.

Jesus.

Monica was there too.

Sucking my blood through a straw.

And you were there.

- What? - And your kids.

And you put

whiskey-drenched cotton candy

back where my bones had been.

Who's Monica?

Love of my life.

Bane of my existence.

When you're all strung out...

You do look a bit like her.

Hm.

You taste like her too.

Probably the tooth rot.

Slut.

I know you are, but what am I?

Come on, Harriet.

Sleeping time.

Pfft. Is she still scared of me?

Well, she did watch you

bounce Frank's head down a flight of stairs.

How do you say "he had it coming" in Nigerian?

What are you doing up?

Caleb won't stop drunk-texting me.

Begging forgiveness?

Begging, then name-calling,

then begging some more.

Nice sex-hair.

Ah, Tinder rocks.

Free sex, any time I want it.

- No strings attached. - Yeah, but you're female.

Isn't that always available to you?

Maybe. But Tinder makes it simple.

No confusion. No misguided weddings.

Now I just bone and go

so I can save my energy for more important things.

- Like what? - Like my job.

Patsy's Pies?

Sure you want to be directing

all your freed up energy there?

You're one to talk.

You spend all day working for free.

- Has a point. - But my bullshit internship

is gonna turn into a non-bullshit career.

What?

It was no offense.

Wow.

Some taken.

Hey.

Kind of harsh.

- Only 'cause it's true. - Are you sure about that?

Working for free is called slave labor

last time I checked.

Good morning!

As a reminder,

this shelter is closing

at the end of the week.

The Container Store franchise

has taken over our lease.

"The Container Store"? That's a thing?

Volunteers are passing out

the addresses of other local shelters.

This says the nearest one is 60 blocks away.

Are we supposed to just walk?

- Where are we gonna go to? - Back to Tent City, baby.

I hate Tent City.

That Santa Claus-lookin' dude is always trying

to make me sit on his lap.

No, we are not going to sleep in tents

like Indians and hikers.

I'll find a place for us to squat.

Someplace clean and dry, or at least indoors.

I'm the patriarch of this family,

and I will provide.

Patriarch?

My dream last night wasn't just a dream.

Was it a hallucination from all the drugs?

A message from my highest self.

I was awake all night thinking about this.

My kids ripped my bones out.

They betrayed me. They gutted me.

But you were there...

You and your kids...

Rebuilding me into the man I was meant to be.

Are you sure you're not still high?

Monica, I need this.

I need a new family of Gallaghers,

and... you need a man to take charge.

My name ain't Monica.

Did I call you Monica?

- Yeah. - It's... it's another sign.

Can we come with you?

- Where are your parents? - Mom's dead.

Dad went out to score last week

and never came back.

Jesus.

Sign number three.

- Wha...? - God is handing me a do-over.

Uh, uh, New Carl.

New Debbie.

I'm a boy.

Really? You need a haircut, Debs.

Uh, New Ian.

New Lip.

You. Yeah.

You alone?

Yeah.

New Fiona.

Oh, no, I don't do three-ways.

Jesus, New Monica.

She's my new daughter, not a three-way.

I'm...

Although we should discuss the three-way thing,

because you're really missing out.

But no, that's not what this is about.

What is it?

You need new parents.

I need new kids.

Grateful kids. Loving kids.

Whiskey-drenched cotton candy kids.

Not the fucking ingrates that I've raised.

Welcome, new Gallaghers.

Come on.

Give Daddy Frank a hug.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on! We...

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah.

Okay.

Come on, buddy. Can't be late.

Day care's for losers.

Thank you, Frank.