Reboot - First Season

I'm sorry if that woke you.

Oh no, what time is it?

Whoo! 7:30.

Oh, I wish I could stay in bed,

- but I have like 30 cameos to shoot before work.

Uh, the worst.

Hey, last night was really fun.

Really?

I don't know if you could tell-

- but that was my first time with a lesbian woman.

Okay, you don't need to say both,

and I don't really use labels.

Oh. Okay.

Okay.

I'm glad you're so cool about this. So chill.

The last time I got busy with a coworker,

Reed, it got weird.

Maybe because you used the term "got busy."

What do people say now?

Fucking?

Oh yeah. I'm used to network television.

Look, don't worry.

It's not weird.

We're friends.

Friends?

I love that.

It's been so long since I've had a friend that was a woman.

My last one was technically my assistant,

but then she started charging my Amex.

Like I'm not gonna notice a charge for a Bowflex.

Hey, if it's cool, I'm gonna hop in the shower.

Okay. Yeah. No, totally. Um...

...but, before you go in,

I'm just...

...since it was my first time with a,

a lady,

did I do it right?

Bree, you slayed.

That means you were great!

- Oh, hello. - Hello!

You're looking chipper.

- Oh, 'cause I feel chipper. - Oh, new.

- Um, since I have you... - Mh-mm.

About me calling you last night.

Oh, do we have to do that?

- No, absolutely we do not. - Okay, good.

I just, I just don't want you to get the wrong impression, okay.

I'm not harboring feelings for you.

I'm just missing Nora.

No worries. I am good.

So, you're Gatorade good?

Yes. Yes, I am.

'Cause I just remember the only time you drank Gatorade-

is after, you know, getting busy, so.

Just say fucking.

Yeah, uh...

...I didn't realize that you were back out there.

Well, Timberly and I went out to a hotspot last night.

It was really fun.

- You and Timberly. - Mh-mm.

- That's weird. - Why is it weird?

Last week you tried to destroy her.

I was being silly. We're good friends now.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go do 40 cameos.

You know, another interesting thing about the Gatorade-

is that...

Well, thank you again for meeting with me.

Oh yeah, of course. I'm stoked.

None of the other executives ever wanted to meet with me before.

- Really? - Yeah.

I even invited them to my eighth birthday party.

- Aw. - Oh, it's okay.

They were probably just freaked out about having to wear bathing suits.

How old were you-

- when you first started working? - Four.

I said "ouchie" in a Band-Aid commercial.

Pretty crazy working so young, huh?

Actually, I started a little business when I was six.

Oh, cool. Like a lemonade stand?

I invented a glucose monitor for my diabetic cat,

which was subsequently purchased-

by a pharmaceutical company.

Awesome.

So we both started in the medical field.

Yeah.

So, besides Step Right Up,

- do you have any other projects in development-

that you're excited about?

Actually, yes. Thank you for asking.

I'm currently developing a batting cage in my backyard.

Boom!

Uh...

Ah, look at this. A donut with bacon.

Who do you think's gonna have a heart attack first,

me or my rabbi?

Remember when they first put potato chips in a can?

You know what? I am tempted though.

That's actually a fonut.

It's gluten-free and the facon is made with beans.

Okay. Why would you tell me that?

Hey, Reed, I'm confused.

Does the Cody character live above the garage-

or in the basement?

Nobody knows. It's a whole thing.

- Ugh. - Oh, oh, Timberly.

- Yeah? - I heard that you and Bree went out last night.

Sure did.

May I just say, brava.

Bree's been having a rough go of it since the divorce.

Oh, I know. I was like, girl,

- you think you can't get it, but you can totally get it.

Uh, yes. And I understand she got it.

Uh, yeah. She got it.

Ah, well, I'm very proud of her, you know?

Nice guy, I hope.

Well.

Not a nice guy?

It wasn't a guy.

Oh.

Hm.

You?

Hm.

You two. You two?

Cool.

Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Did I just blow your mind, boomer?

What, what?

No, girl. That don't phase me.

- Hm? - Timberly?

- Yeah? - Mind if I steal you?

We're about to block the basement scene.

Is that where Cody lives?

Please don't ask me. I can't.

- I'm, uh, freaking out. - About what?

Never mind, I don't care.

Last night I called Bree and she was-

uncharacteristically dismissive.

Again, I could not care less about this conversation.

She was having sex with Timberly.

Go on.

Bree's into women now?

Which, you know, which is cool.

It's all good. It's good in the hood.

Ain't no thing.

You really need to hang out with more Black people.

That's fair. I'm just stunned.

This is so not like Bree.

- But it is very Timberly. - What do you mean?

They used to call her "Sin-berly" on Fuck Buddy Mountain.

Men, women, that chick is up and down for anything.

Wait, are you watching that stupid reality show?

Well you can't imagine how badass these women are.

Like when Tawny crashed her snowmobile-

- and had to walk three miles in high heels and a teddy,

only to find Kim in bed with Brody,

who I knew was trouble.

Guys, we're way behind.

And you know how cranky Jerry gets when he's not home by 2:00 PM.

- Okay. All right. - Okay. Let's go!

Hey, don't tell anyone.

We're on a TV set.

You think Bree scissoring Timberly isn't going to get around?

Just...

Wait, wait. I'm confused. What is scissoring?

It's when two women spread their legs,

- a la scissors, and I don't wanna be crass,

but they rub their pussies together.

- Okay. - This from a woman who was-

just showing us pictures of her grandson.

- You can't put me in a box. - Not for another year or so.

Where were these jokes yesterday?

Instead of the 50 pitches on oat milk.

For the record, scissoring is bullshit.

It is a fantasy of lesbian sex-

- that exists primarily in porn made for hetero men.

Why do you have to ruin everything?

Why am I having such a hard time picturing this scissors thing?

The whole thing is quite simple, actually, okay?

You have two women, in this case are Bree and Timberly,

- and they lie up on a bed or perhaps a beach towel-

with their legs spread akimbo.

And then they gingerly press each other's loins together...

Oh god, why does Alan get to say things like that,

- but I get yelled at for ordering two soups?

Yeah. Let's, let's get back to work.

Yeah, yeah. But right after Alan tells the story about-

- the time he got the blowjob from Paul Lynde in his Hollywood square.

- Shut up. - It was the '70s.

I had taken a Quaalude.

Oh my God, Paul Lynde is a daddy.

What was he like?

The man had a jaw like a python.

Okay. Let's just stop prying into each other's sex lives.

That's half the reason I come to work.

How about you, two soups?

Who you bringing the clam chowder home to?

Two soups. Is that my nickname now?

Hannah looks uncomfortable. Let's talk about her.

No, we're not gonna do that.