Vice Principals

Good morning, students.

Today's lunch options will be Salisbury steak

or pepperoni pizza.

The Magic Club will be meeting

in 109 today.

Java, Java.

Just like you like it,

two creams and four sugars.

Oh! Well, thank you, Mr. Russell.

You're gonna spoil me up in here.

It's not too late to sign up for...

Two creams and four sugars my ass.

She doesn't need coffee.

She needs a fucking colon cleanse.

Goddamn it. Is it 7:45?

'Cause my watch says 7:51 to me.

Bitch needed a coffee.

We need to be coordinated on all fronts.

All right? If we set a meet,

you show up at the goddamn meet time.

All right! I fuckin' heard you!

Shut the fuck up!

- You shut the fuck up. - Here, check this.

All the information

I was able to gather on Dumpus Maximus.

Personal data, government documents,

financial papers.

- You put this together yourself? - Yes, motherfucker.

I have one on everybody in this school.

You better not have one on me.

I processed the information. Now destroy it.

- Bullshit. - I have a photographic memory.

I've retained the pertinent informations

and discarded the rest.

Well, did you memorize the part about her firing

every other vice principal she's ever worked with?

W... where did it say that?

Page one!

Dumb-ass.

At the last three schools she's taken over,

she cleared out the front office

and replaced them.

Shit.

What do we do?

It means we gotta play nice.

Means we can't be fucking idiots.

Now, this woman

will fire you and me

and anybody else she doesn't like.

And don't make it easy on her. Keep your head down.

Start playing the fucking game.

Then what?

"Then what" what?

Then who seizes power, you or me?

When we shit-can this bitch,

it's every motherfucker for himself.

This is a temporary alliance.

To be honest, Gamby,

- I still think you're a fucking dipshit. - Well, I think

you're a fucking dipshit too.

You're a fucking dummy.

- I think your tie sucks. - I think you're stupid

- and your face is ridiculous to me. - Bushy-ass mustache

- wearing motherfucker. - Fuck your face. Fuck your butt.

The point is...

I can't destroy her all alone.

Psh. You're goddamn right you can't.

I agree to your terms.

We take the bitch down, then best man wins.

But until then, this is an equal partnership. You hear me?

I call the shots too. Not just you.

Oh, you wanna do it your way.

Write another letter to the goddamn school board.

Yeah, that's right.

You did it your way.

Now, motherfucker, we gonna do it mine.

Go further back.

The fuck?

All the grandkids are getting big.

Tracy's quite a looker,

just like her grandma.

Oh, get thee behind me, Satan.

And there you go, the corrupted file

- has been deleted. - You're kidding me!

- Nope. You're up and running. - All right! You're the master!

- Mrs. Libby? - Yes?

I'm still waiting on those attendance reports.

Oh! I... I have them right here, ma'am.

You know what, let me do this.

- Do you need any help? Are you okay? - No, I'm fine. Thank you.

I'm okay. Oh, my goodness.

That's all right.

That's all right.

We got it.

Here we are.

- Oopsy daisy! - Mm.

Oh, my goodness!

Now here... not gonna worry.

There.

I didn't ask you to destroy a forest, did I?

We're a paperless school now, Mrs. Libby.

Oh. Well, yes, Ms. Brown.

It's Dr. Brown.

Dr. Brown.

Mr. Gamby, do you have a moment?

- There's someone I'd like you to meet. - Thank you.

Dr. Brown.

Dr. Brown.

Mr. Gamby, this is Blythe Sason.

He's an associate of mine.

I've asked him to do an evaluation of the school.

An evaluation?

I just like to know how a school works,

who's doing what. It's not that serious.

Okay. Uh, sure.

Is that all?

No, it's not.

Since you get here so early in the morning,

do you mind picking up biscuits

for the faculty and staff?

I just think it would be a nice gesture to have

a warm breakfast waiting for them when they come in.

Does that sound good to you, Mr. Gamby?

I mean, yeah, it sounds good. Sounds great.

Biscuits are a delicious thing to have in the morning,

but I don't understand why I'm the one

who has to go get biscuits for everybody.

Well, if you know they're delicious,

then you do understand why you need to pick them up.

What are you writing down?

Don't worry about him.

So, can I count on you, Mr. Gamby?

Yeah, of course.

You can count on me.

Oh, thank you.

You can put that in your little...

whatever you're writing down.

I'll be seeing you around, Mr. Gamby.

I'll be seeing you too, "Sis-son."

"Say-saw."

That's what I said. "Sis-on."

"Say-saw."

Say "Say-saw" right.

Mr. Gamby.

Oh, stable-master Andy.

How are you?

Hey, uh, where are we on that thing

we talked about last week?

I'm... I'm not sure I remember what... what...

What was it, something to do with horses?

It was about you falling behind a little

on your stabling fees

for Shadowfax.

- About $800 behind. - Oh...

Well, what are you suggesting?

Well, I guess I'm suggesting you pay me $800.

Or find a new place to keep your daughter's horse.

Cool, cool.

Okay, that... that's definitely good to know.

I'll, uh... I'm gonna get on that. Uh...

but I do have a little bit of time

to get... to get the money to you?

Well, I did already give you more time.

I was holding off 'cause you said

you were going to get that promotion.

Did you ever get the promotion?

Mm-hmm.

Yes, I did.

I know that driving doesn't come natural

for women, but I am impressed at your abilities.

Now put on your signal.

Let's pull to this parking lot here.

Reduce your speed. That's great.

Let's make a slight little wiggle to the left here.

Come into a stop.

And put it into park.

What are we doing at Bojangles'?

You are going inside and getting

12 country ham biscuits,

12 Cajun chicken fillet biscuits,

and, uh, one...

uh, actually, make it three steak biscuits.

Can I at least get myself a strawberry Welch's?

No, you may not.

This is for faculty and staff only. Go.

Put a rush on it.

It's Bo-time. Let's move.

You're doing really good. Thanks.

I like you better than him.

I hope y'all enjoyed

Belinda's biscuits, everybody!

New Tuesday tradition right here!

Pump it up!

The way you said that, it kind of sounded like

you got the faculty the biscuits.

Well, you got them on my behalf,

so I did get them the biscuits.

Well, no. Technically, you didn't get 'em.

I got... Whatever. It doesn't...

- You're the boss, so... - Gamby, what do you think of Mrs. Libby?