Monty Python's Flying Circus

It's...

Good evening.

Hello again, and welcome to the show.

Tonight, we continue to look at some famous deaths.

Tonight we start with the wonderful death

Of genghis khan, conqueror of india.

Take it away, genghis.

9.1, 9.3, 9.7.

That's 28.1 for genghis khan.

Bad luck, genghis.

Nice to have you on the show.

And now, here are the scores.

Well, you can see the scores now.

St. stephen in the lead there with his stoning.

Then comes king richard iii at bosworth field--

A grand death, that--

Then the very lovely jean d'arc.

Then marat, in his bath--

Best of friends with charlotte in the showers afterwards.

Then a. lincoln of the u.s. of a.--

A grand little chap, that--

And number six, genghis khan

And the back marker, king edward vii.

Back to you, wolfgang.

Thank you, eddie.

And now, time for this week's request death.

For mr. and mrs. violet steppings

Of 23 wolverston road, hull

The death of mr. bruce foster of guildford.

Oh, blimey, how time flies!

Sadly, we are reaching the end of yet another program

And so it is finale time.

We are proud to be bringing to you

One of the evergreen bucket kickers

Yes, the wonderful death of the famous english admiral nelson.

Well, good evening, everyone

And welcome to the second of our italian language classes

In which we'll be helping you brush up your italian.

Now, last week we started at the beginning

And we learned the italian for a "spoon."

Now, I wonder how many of you can remember what it was?

si, si!

Sit down, mario-- giuseppe.

il cucchiaio.

Oh, well done, giuseppe

Or as the italians would say, molto bene, giuseppe.

grazie, signore, grazie de tutta la sua gentilezza.

Well, now, this week we're going to learn

Some useful phrases to help us

Open a conversation with an italian.

Now, first of all, try telling him where you come from.

For example, I would say, "sono inglese di gerrard's cross. "

"I am an englishman from gerrard's cross."

Shall we all try that together?

si, si!

sono inglese di gerrard's cross.

Not too bad.

Now let's try with somebody else-- mr...

Mariolini, signor.

Mr. mariolini.

And where are you from?

napoli, signor.

You're italian?

si...

si, si.

Well, in that case

You would say, "sono italiano di napoli. "

ah... capisco.

mille grazie, signore.

per fa vore, signore.

Yes?

non conosceve parliamente

signor, devo me parlo

"sono italiano di napoli" quando il habitare de milano.

che stupido!

Sorry, I don't understand.

Ah... signor, my friend is saying...

bitte, mein herr.

bitte, bitte.

was ist das wort fuer "mittelschmerz"?

Helmut, you want the german classes!

Oh... danke schoen.

Ah, das deutschen klassenzimmer.

Ach!

My friend, he say, he say, "why must I say

'i am italian from napoli'?"

When he lives in milan.

Ah... well, tell your friend if he lives in milan

He must say, "sono italiano di milano. "

eh, milano e tanto meglio di napoli!

che cosa?

si, I milanesi sono i megli nel mondo!

He say, "milan is better than napoli."

Well, he shouldn't be saying that.

We haven't done comparatives yet.

Yes, mothers, new improved whizzo butter

Containing 10% more less

Is absolutely indistinguishable from a dead crab.

Remember, buy whizzo butter and go to heaven!

I can't tell the difference

Between whizzo butter and this dead crab.

Yes, you know, we find

That nine out of ten british housewives

Can't tell the difference

Between whizzo butter and a dead crab.

It's true.

It's true, we can't.

You're on television, aren't you?

Yes, yes.

He does that thing with those silly women

Who can't tell the difference

Between whizzo butter and a dead crab.

Oh, yes.

You try that around here, young man

And we'll slit your face.

Yes, with a razor.

Hello, good evening, and welcome

To another edition of "it's the arts."

We kick off tonight with the cinema.

Good evening.

One of the most prolific of film producers

Of this age, or indeed any age

Is sir edward ross.

Back in this country

For the first time for five years

To open a season of his works

At the national film theater.

And we are very fortunate to have him

With us here in the studio this evening.

Good evening.

Edward-- you don't mind if I call you edward.

No, not at all.

Only it does worry some people--

I don't know why-- perhaps they're a little sensitive

So I do take the precaution of asking on these occasions.

Oh, no, that's fine.

So "edward" is all right.

Splendid, splendid.

Sorry to have brought it up.

No, no, "edward" it is.

Well, thank you very much indeed for being so helpful

Only it's more than my job's worth to, er...

Quite, yes.

Makes it rather difficult to establish a rapport

To put the other person at their ease.

Quite.

Yes, silly little point

But it does seem to matter.

Still... less said the better.

Um... ted, when you first started in the...

You don't mind if I call you ted?

No, no, no.

Everyone calls me ted.

Well, it's shorter, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

And much less formal.

Ted, edward, anything.

Splendid, splendid.

Incidentally, do call me tom.

I don't want you playing around

With any of this "thomas" nonsense.

Now, where were we?

Eddie-baby, when you first...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I don't like

Being called eddie-baby.

I'm sorry?

I don't like being called eddie-baby.

Did I call you eddie-baby?

Yes, you did.

Now get on with it.

I don't think I did call you eddie-baby.

You did call me eddie-baby.

Did I call him eddie-baby?

Yes! no!

I didn't really call you eddie-baby

Did i, sweetie?

Don't call me sweetie!

Can I call you sugar plum?

No!

Pussycat? no!

Angel-drawers?

No, you may not!

Now, get on with it.

Frank.

What?

Can I call you frank?

Why frank?

It's a nice name.

Robin day's got a hedgehog called frank.

What's going on?

Frannie, little frannie, frannie knickers.

No, I'm leaving.

I'm leaving-- I'm off.

Tell us about your latest film, sir edward.

What?

Tell us about your latest film

If you'd be so kind, sir edward.

None of this "pussycat" nonsense?

Promise.