Side Effects May Vary

Subject 37 is a Caucasian male,

27 years old, average height and stocky build.

No known health ailments.

Blood pressure, 97 over 50.

Temp is 97.8.

Turn your head to the right a little bit, please.

This may sting a bit.

So how do you feel?

Great.

Great, honestly. I

feel better than I have in years.

In fact...

Grab a mop,

and my smokes.

Let's prep for Subject 38.

The mystery virus started here,

in the city of Wuhan.

Dozens have been infected

but experts here

believe the actual figure

is closer to 1,700 cases.

Once there was one, two, and then three

confirmed exported cases internationally

then we asked the question,

is that consistent with the very low numbers

currently being reported?

The virus broke out in Wuhan at the end of December,

but it's also since been

detected in Thailand and Japan.

And while the Chinese government says it's spreading from animal to humans,

scientists here say

human-to-human transmission can't be ruled out.

Side effects may vary.

Across China, disturbing videos on social media

appear to show the extreme measures taken to control the outbreak.

Experts believe this is a new kind of coronavirus,

but they don't have a clear view of the clinical picture just yet.

The number of cases soaring just today,

more than 24,000 now nationwide.

New Jersey today becoming the sixth state to close

all non-essential businesses,

more than 80 million Americans now told to stay at home.

Store shelves nationwide are dwindling

or totally empty.

We're asking everyone to work at home if possible,

postpone unnecessary travel

and limit social gatherings to no more than 10 people.

What's to blame for this horrid behavior?

First, stress.

The American Psychological Association says

our stress is through the roof.

The number of confirmed cases is going up here by

about 5,000

every... single... day.

All vaccines have some side effects.

Usually the side effects are mild,

like pain or redness or tenderness

or even some swelling at the site where the shot is given.

Let's be clear. Vaccines can save lives.

There's no question about that.

But also, all vaccines have side effects.

Side effects may vary.

Side effects may vary.

Side effects may vary.

Hi, Janelle!

How are you today?

Everything's good, Ms. Jackson. How are you?

Oh fine, fine.

Just getting home from work?

Yep, the daily grind.

How's that husband of yours?

Oh, Glenn? He's actually pretty sick right now.

Oh, goodness.

That must be why I haven't been able to watch you two for a bit.

Excuse me?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Uh, I meant, I haven't seen you two in a while.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's because he's resting up.

That poor thing.

How long's he been sick?

I'd say for a couple of weeks.

I keep trying to get him to take the test,

but he just won't.

Goodness, that's awful.

Did he get the vaccine?

Nope!

Unfortunately, he's fighting me on that too.

Oh, dear. He needs to get that done.

I got mine first thing.

Us mature folks got first crack at the shot.

You tell him we were the guinea pigs.

- He's got nothing to worry about. - Yep, I know!

I got mine yesterday, but he just wants to be pig-headed.

Hmm.

Well, you need to go show him who's boss.

- I will, Ms. Jackson. - If that doesn't work...

A little bedroom action will do the trick.

Oh... okay.

Men will do anything you want if you put out enough.

My husband Bernie...

God rest his soul

would pretty much give me everything I wanted

as long as I was on all fours

three times a week.

I'll keep that in mind.

Oh, he would have the best time

just pounding away.

I was a lot more flexible back in those days.

Yep, bet you were.

Okay, Ms. Jackson...

Have you ever heard of "pegging"?

- Nope. - How about...

"The Rusty Trombone"?

"Glass-Bottom Boat"?

- No. - "Salad Tossing"!

That's real popular with the kids these days.

Ms. Jackson

I really need to take care of my husband right now, okay?

- Oh, no problem. - Alright...

Tell him I said to get that darn shot.

And you remember what I told you.

I will, Ms. Jackson.

And you have yourself a lovely evening, okay?

You too, dearie.

Oh... I forgot to tell her about.

"The Alabama Hot Pocket".

and with the death toll now reaching nearly half a million

the FDA is urging all citizens

to wear safety masks if going outside

and strongly suggesting those who have not received

the vaccine to do so.

Somebody's got the consumption.

Hey, sweetheart. How was work?

Same old, same old.

Oh.

You're still a little rough, huh?

Oh yeah, I can't seem to shake this damn thing.

Do you want me to make you some soup?

Oh, no, no. Thank you, but no.

Oh, uh

I don't want to get you sick.

Relax.

I just got the vaccine, remember?

Gonna be fine.

Jesus, not this again.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm worried.

What an asshole!

No, no, I'm sorry.

I feel like hell,

and you know I can be a jerk when I'm sick.

Yeah, you don't always have to be sick.

Look

I got the vaccine yesterday,

and I'm fine.

And I wasn't crazy about that either.

I mean, they completely rushed out those vaccines.

We don't even know what the hell's in them.

Oh, now you know more than the FDA.

No, I'm not saying that.

I'm saying that

we don't know what long-term effects they're gonna have.

Hon, I know you're worried, and so am I,

but you're not Superman,

and I'm not ready to be single again.

Besides

I don't even know how to set up a Tinder profile.

"I know death spooks the Holy Ghost out of some folks."

If I go and talk to Dr. Fisher

will you give this a rest?

About this, yes.

But I'm pretty sure I can find something else to complain about.

I'll call and make an appointment.

One more thing.

Yeah?

When you're there.

I want you to get the vaccine.

You've gotta be kidding!

No, I'm dead serious.

Now please

just do this for me.

Please?

Pretty please?

"Whinnie reminds me a lot of my own dear mother..."

Alright.

Alright what?

Alright, I'll get the vaccine.

By the way

I win!

Yeah, yeah.

Why don't you go make me that soup?

John Farragut?

Glenn Rollins?

Hey... sorry about the wait.

We have a full house due to the pandemic.

No worries, I get it.

Okay.

So, what seems to be the problem?

Uh, well, I, um

can't seem to shake this cold.

Alright.