Young Sheldon

You walk down a hallway and come to a wooden chest.

Lord Gray Matter, what do you do?

I poke it with my dagger to see if there are any traps.

There are no traps.

Fire Beak, what do you do?

- Billy? - What?

You are Fire Beak.

Okay.

So what do you do?

I'm Fire Beak.

Hey, guys,

I brought snacks.

Thanks, Mom.

What are y'all playing, Chutes and Ladders?

Tam is teaching us Dungeons & Dragons.

Oh.

We're on a quest to find

the pitchforkof a devil named Baalzebul.

I'm Fire Beak.

And is this the devil?

No, he's just a monster who doesn't wear pants.

Oh, I see.

Yes, oh, he's just hanging right out there, isn't he?

O-Okay, well...

You kids have fun.

My mother didn't believe in elves,

- fairies, or dragons. - George!

But she did believe

in the devil.

And she did not view him

as an appropriate playmate for her son.

George!

I'm worried.

There are incantations in this book to summon actual demons.

Is that how we wound up with you?

That's a good one. I'm gonna give you that.

This is not a joke.

This is one of the children's games

we were warned about in church.

Then tell him to stop playing.

It's not that easy.

He's finally got a couple of friends.

I don't want to scare them off.

Well, when you're ready to scare kids,

you got this face locked and loaded.

All right, the other one was funny,

now you're just being a jackass.

I'm glad you're both amused,

but our little boy's soul may be at stake.

Come on.

When I was a kid, we were listening to Black Sabbath,

all that devil music.

Didn't hurt me. Satan didn't get my soul.

What happened to it? You trade it for some donuts?

You had that one coming.

Hello? Mr. Sparks?

- Oh, hello, Mary. - Got a minute?

Sure, what's up?

Um, I was just concerned about a game that the boys were playing

and was wondering if you and your wife

knew about it.

A game?

Yes, a very disturbing one.

Well, what're we talking about?

Did you catch those boys playing grab ass?

No. Dungeons & Dragons.

So everybody's got their trousers up?

- Yes. - What's the problem?

The game contains demonology,

which goes against the teachings of the church.

But nobody's touching nothing, right?

No.

Well, then I don't quite know what you're worried about.

- You don't? - Nope.

I'm just thankful Billy found some friends

and he ain't eating dirt and crabgrass any more.

Some point, he just got a taste for it.

On an unrelated

you doing something new with your hair?

It looks, uh, real pretty.

No, but thank you.

Okay, well, I'm gonna leave you to it.

- Smells good, too. - All right. Bye-bye.

Hey, you want chicken for dinner?

I'll slaughter a big one

- for you right now. - I'm good.

I'll kill one in case you change your mind.

Now which one of you's tired of this life?

You.

- Excuse me, Mr. Nguyen? - Yes?

Hi, you don't know me. I'm Sheldon's mother.

Ah, the smart boy.

Yes, the smart boy.

You are lucky.

To have a smart son is a great joy.

I do not have that joy.

Oh, I'm sure that's not true.

Listen, are you aware that Tam and Sheldon

are playing Dungeons & Dragons?

Dungeons & Dragons?

Yes, and it's filled with demons and satanic images.

So what is the problem with this game?

The problem is, it goes against the teachings of the church.

All right.

Listen to me.

A problem is starving to death in a Communist reeducation camp.

A problem is not seeing your family

for many years while you remove land mines

from the Ho Chi Minh trail.

A game boys play with make-believe demons,

not a problem.

Well... I think they can all be problems.

I'm sorry, I agree with you.

I will talk to Tam.

Oh, good. Thank you.

Well, bye. Nice meeting you.

Five dollars.

So, Pastor...

How's things going at the church?

Please, call me Jeff.

And everything's going great 'cause I have the coolest boss.

I'm sorry, but I'm kind of having a hard time

feeling the Holy Spirit calling you Jeff.

I'm-I'm gonna stick with Pastor.

Sure.

Thank you, Pastor.

Yeah, that feels better.

So nice of you to come over, Pastor Jeff.

He prefers Jeff.

I'm sticking with Pastor.

Wait, I changed my mind. I'm going with PJ.

Brings to mind pajamas, but that's fine, too.

Anyway, I'm sorry to drag you into this,

but it is demons, so it's in your purview.

It is indeed.

In fact, at a recent Young Baptist Leaders Conference,

I attended a seminar on satanic leisure activities.

And?

And the important lesson is,

rather than have a parent or authority figure

take the offending game away,

let God remove it, root and stem.

Question, PJ. Uh, how's the big guy do that?

Simple, Sheldon needs to start attending Sunday school.

If he likes books with demons and devils,

I've got one that will blow his mind.

What book is that?

The Bible, George.

Sure, yeah.

I think that's a wonderful idea.

Although, I am concerned

that we may get a little pushback from Sheldon.

A little?

No, I won't go.

I don't believe in God.

Well, now, what you believe in is not the point.

Mary, if I may...

Sheldon, I understand you hope to be a scientist someday.

Yes, sir.

Well, let me ask you a question.

You say you don't believe in God,

but what kind of scientist comes to a conclusion

without first doing the research?

A bad scientist.

That's right.

So I'll see you Sunday morning at 8:00.

No, you won't.

I cast a second level spell of invisibility on myself.

Well, that game isn't making him any smarter.

Shelly, why aren't you asleep?

I'm studying for Sunday school.

You're reading the Bible?

That's wonderful.

I do have a question.

Sure, what?

Is there anyone in our town from the Amalek tribe?

I don't know, why?

If there is, we're supposed to kill them and their cows.

Well, no. There's no Amaleks.

Told you.

And lead us not

into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom

and the power and the glory

forever and forever.

And ever. Amen.

- Amen! - Very good.

Now before we get started this morning,

I want to introduce two new students,

Sheldon and Missy Cooper.

Let's give them a warm welcome.

Yes, Billy?

I know them.

Thank you, Billy.

You're welcome, Pastor Jeff.

Now, uh, last week,

we started talking about the Gospel of John.

Does anybody have a notion

as to what God's getting at in that passage?