House of Cards

Stay, girl.

All right. Carry on, Burnett.

All things pass. Nothing lasts for ever.

She was a good bitch.

She had a good life, and there are some things one prefers to do oneself.

Actually, that's a service one would like to be available on the National Health.

Or indeed compulsory.

Well, compulsory for some.

The young king there

under the watchful eye of the Prime Minister,

his guide and mentor in so many ways.

What a rigmarole!

A full state funeral now.

The woman simply hung around too long.

Better a quick exit than clinging to the wreckage of a lost career.

Some people seem to lack all sense of timing.

The Prime Minister... clearly moved at the passing

of Britain's longest-serving and first woman prime minister.

Speaking earlier today, he said...

A remarkable life and a remarkable and inspiring career.

This is and will remain a momentous day in the history of our great country.

- What else could I say? - Certainly not the truth.

They'll ask for a statue on Parliament Square next!

I want to erase that woman from the public memory, Elizabeth.

I want to wipe her off the board.

I want to be the greatest prime minister since Churchill.

You will be, Francis.

I want to do something about Europe before I go. I've left my mark on England.

I want to leave my mark on the world.

- Over here, sir. - Over here, sir.

- Thank you, sir. - One more before you go.

- Good afternoon, sir. - Good afternoon.

Ah, Prime Minister!

Right, sir, this one first, then this one, and that's the Cyprus file.

I thought you might like to glance through the paper.

Thank you, Barry. That's very thoughtful of you (!)

People are so very unappreciative, aren't they?

They do not understand what I have done and what I may do for my country.

Or the burdens you've had to bear for their sake. They understand nothing.

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!"

Francis, this afternoon you said, "Before I go..."

You've never said that before.

We all have to go sooner or later, Elizabeth.

Daddy.

Daddy!

But not yet.

No, not yet. Far too many things I want to do first.

It's time you considered your own needs.

Not what you can do for your country, but what your country can do for you.

We need a little pension plan.

There's a man I'd like you to meet.

His name is Nures. He's a Turkish Cypriot.

He's given generously to the party funds.

He genuinely wants to help.

- I think he's one of us. - Thank you, Elizabeth.

How do you feel about me now? Like a force of nature, perhaps?

I've been here so long now that, love me or hate me,

it's hard for you to imagine anyone else in my place.

Isn't it?

But there are some who dream of little else.

My honourable friends, of course. My loyal ministers, my cabinet.

Tom Makepeace, Foreign Secretary, an honourable man.

Bullock, Capstick, Ravenscourt,

Sparrowhawk, Crowe -

all honourable men until they sniff out any weakness.

And then the younger generation -

Rayner, Polecutt, Wolfin.

Best kept on the leash and muzzledl.

John Rayner looks as if he'd worry sheepl.

This latest report does feature a number of cases

where there seem to be real grievances,

and we need to pay special attention...

It's time to ginger things up, remind them who's the leader of the pack,

select a scapegoat and enact a token mounting. Who shall it be?

Geoffrey?

Little Geoffrey Booza Pitt?

No, not Geoffrey. Not this time.

We cannot be seen to condemn the very old to disability or illness.

Let's start with Betsy Bourke.

Hospital area managers, making sure that this situation can never arise again.

We must make it clear we are not abandoning the elderly.

Of course not! That's why we brought in age insurance. If they pay, they're OK.

If not, well, it's no skin off our noses.

Damage limitation again, Betsy?

I'd rather see it as an opportunity to reaffirm some basic principles.

The principle here being the right to live for ever in perfect health?

- Politics is about making choices. - Of course it is!

And treating each other like human beings.

We can't throw old people out of hospital because they can't pay for treatment!

We need a safety net. It's unarguable.

Nothing's unarguable, Tom.

Nothing's unthinkable.

We have too many old people in Britain. Let's not shy away from the problem.

What are you suggesting, John? Euthanasia at 65?

- Of course not, Prime Minister. - I'm very relieved.

I saw beggars on the street yesterday.

I thought the Vagrancy Act had cleared that nuisance off our streets.

There are still problems, Prime Minister.

I don't want to hear about your problems.

I had hoped in this area, as in others,

we could have grasped the nettle and challenged the culture of dependency.

I'm very disappointed, Betsy.

Prime Minister, if we abandon the last remaining safeguards in our system,

we'll be the pariahs of Europe!

More than one way of being European.

Thank you. Thank you all very much.

We'll talk soon, Betsy.

Betsy.

- He can be such a bastard. - I know.

I thought I'd given him what he wanted.

He just likes playing games. Your turn today, someone else's tomorrow.

You'll be back on the mantelpiece, Betsy. Trust me.

You're a good friend, Geoffrey.

I should think so too.

If at any time you felt inclined for something a little bit closer than that...

You know how I've always fancied you!

Geoffrey Booza Pitt, you're an impossible man!

No, no.

Quite feasible.

Quite feasible in every way. Believe me.

- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - Come in, Geoffrey.

- Prime Minister. - How's Betsy?

She's quite upset. She called you a bastard.

I've been called worse.

That was all about John Rayner and Tom Makepeace.

Flushing them out of cover into open ground.

- Each of them sees himself as leader. - You don't?

No. Rayner doesn't have the intellect, Makepeace doesn't have the guts.

Having so little of either myself, it isn't for me to comment.

They're a couple of sanctimonious shits.

Yes. Just put the word about discreetly.

The PM is contemplating a cabinet reshuffle.

Not a purge, just two or three key posts.

Absolutely no question of giving up the leadership in the near future.

It might be time to put a bit of stick about.

Order!

Mr Graham Glass.

Will the Prime Minister tell us the latest manufacturing unemployment figures?

Hear, hear!

Come on!

I put them on your desk this morning, Prime Minister.

I thank the Honourable Gentleman for allowing me to confirm

that the unemployment figures are down again this month.

A complete vindication of this government's economic policies.

Yes, but what are the actual figures? Does he know what they are?

He doesn't know.

He doesn't care.

Order!

Order!

Madam Speaker, if the Honourable Gentleman is too busy

to look up the figures for himself, I am very happy to tell him

that the exact figure is 1,875,403.

That's as of the first of this month, of course.

Time's up. Statement from the Prime Minister.

Next month, the Greek and Turkish presidents of Cyprus will meet in Britain

to sign the peace settlement that has eluded all parties for over a generation.

This peace treaty has been made available

through the initiatives your Prime Minister was able to set in motion

and follow through in some of the toughest and most intricate negotiations

in recent years.

And thanks is due too to my Right Honourable Friend,

the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs

who has, of necessity, been loaded down with much of the donkey work,

and I am very grateful to him.

Cyprus has a particular significance for me,

if the House will permit me to be personal for a moment.

I spent three crucial years on that beautiful island at a very troubled time.

It would hardly be an exaggeration to say that I grew up there.

Right Honourable and Honourable Members will forgive me this once, I hope,

if I find it a little difficult to concentrate

on trivial domestic squabbles today.

There is a world elsewhere.

And I'm very proud to have helped

to change that world for good...

and for ever.

Hear, hear!

Brilliant.

Not one of your better days, Barry.

I'm sure I put the file on your desk, Francis. It must have slipped your mind.

Anyway, you gave him the figures. How did you do that?

I made them up, but I'd prefer not to live quite so dangerously in future!

- Brilliant, FU. Awesome. - Thank you, Geoffrey.

Claire! How are you? Did you enjoy that?

It was an outrageous performance. Tom Makepeace must be quite rightly furious.

He still puts on one hell of a good show.

Better than anyone. Such a star!

At one moment I thought he'd lost the plot, then he stormed back.

- Was that real or just for effect? - Never underestimate him.

- I never would, Geoffrey. - Good. He's talent-spotting.

He might like the look of your... CV.

Prime Minister!

Tom. You didn't mind, I hope?

You agreed I would make the statement.

Did I? I'm so sorry. I haven't hurt your feelings? I mentioned your contribution.

"Donkey work"? The ideas and initiatives were mine.

I did 90% of the negotiations in bloody person!

This is too important an issue for wounded vanity, Tom.

But I won't hold it against you. You've done tremendous work on this.

Good man!

He is a good man too. Very able, honest, but a bit too ambitious for his own good.