Friends

- Hey. - Hi.

Pheebs, what's wrong?

I'm just so exhausted from dragging around this huge engagement ring.

- Oh, my God. - Congratulations.

So did he get on one knee? Did he have a speech prepared?

Oh, did he cry?

Yeah, big surprise, I like proposals.

Well, it was really sweet, and, like, the most romantic thing ever.

Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world.

To Phoebe and--

I want to say "Mike"?

- To Phoebe and Mike. - Hey.

Thank you. Oh, and I have something for you.

It's my little black book. It's got the numbers of all the guys I've dated.

Oh, Phoebe, that's nice, but you know what? I think I'm okay.

Give it to one of your other single girlfriends.

I would, but you're the last one.

Give me the book!

"Pablo Diaz.

Brady Smith.

Guy in Van"?

Oh, my first love.

What is the red X next to Bob Gremore's name mean?

Dead.

Oh, it's okay. No, he was old. Yeah.

And he lived a full life. He was in the first wave at Omaha Beach.

I should've given you guys my black book when I got married.

Although, it wasn't so much a book as a napkin.

With Janice's phone number on it.

Phoebe, isn't Jethro Tull a band?

Oh, yes, they are.

The One With Ross's Grant

Hey, honey.

Hey, sweetie.

- Is Monica not here? - No.

Then I'll tell you. My agency was bidding for a big account, and they got it.

- It's my first national commercial. - Cool.

And I don't want to brag, but a lot of the ideas were mine.

Hell, you weren't there. All the ideas were mine.

That's great. Hey, can you cast me in it?

I really don't think you're right for the part.

What do you mean? I can do anything. I'm a chameleon.

I'm old.

I'm tired.

Oh, I am hot. I'm cold. Come on, what can't I do?

First of all, bravo.

But I don't think you're right for this. The part's a stuffy college professor.

I can do that. Hello, I'm your professor.

When I'm not busy thinking of important things, or professing...

...I like to use-- What's the product?

Software that facilitates inter-business networking e-solutions.

I'm cold.

- Hey. - Hey.

Guess who's a finalist for a huge research grant?

I'll give you a hint. He's looking right at you.

Well, unless it's the creepy guy with his hand up his kilt...

...I'm gonna say, "Congratulations."

I'm so excited. Apparently, I beat out hundreds of other applicants...

...including five guys I went to graduate school with.

Not that I'm keeping score, or anything. Five.

- Wow, that's great. - Yeah.

- So tell me about the grant. - Well, okay, it's for $25,000.

And if I get it, I'll be able to complete my field research.

And there will be an article about me in the Paleontology Review.

It'll be the first time my name is in there...

...without people raising serious questions about my work.

- Are you talking about the Dewer Grant? - Yeah. Why?

Benjamin Hobart is administering that grant.

- Your ex-boyfriend? - Yeah.

So your ex-boyfriend is gonna determine if your new boyfriend gets this grant?

Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed.

No. No, we ended on great terms.

If anything, I think this could help you. You know what?

Why don't we all go out to dinner, and I can introduce you.

- lf you think it'd help. - Yeah, absolutely. I'll call him.

Now, is there anything I could do to butter him up?

Anything he really likes?

He does have a pretty serious latex fetish.

We'll see how dinner goes.

- Hey. - Hey, you want to go see a movie?

I told you I had to spend all day clearing out stuff so Mike could move in.

- Oh, right. - Yeah.

Now that I'm here, I might as well help with the cleaning and organizing.

I just happen to have my label maker.

Oh, it's so hard to get rid of stuff.

Did you and Chandler make compromises when you moved in together?

Chandler did.

- What does he want you to give up? - A bunch of stuff.

And the worst one, he wants me to get rid of Gladys.

Who's Gladys?

Oh, what a tragic loss.

Yeah, I really hate to give her up. Oh, I know. Oh, you should take her.

Oh, I don't know.

- What, you don't like her? - Of course I do. What's not to like?

I'd take her in a minute.

But I think that you're giving up too easy.

I think that you need to fight for her.

- Really, you think? - Absolutely.

You say to him, "I'm sorry, Mike, I can't live without her.

She means too much to me."

Okay, I'll fight for her. Okay.

Oh, wait. I just realized, if I do that, that means you don't get her.

Damn it, I did not think this through.

- Hey, guys. - Hi.

Oh, any word on casting yet?

- I told you, you're not right for the part. - What do you mean?

Rach, don't I seem like a professor you'd buy some kind of e-crap from?

I'm sorry, this sounds like something I'm never gonna be interested in.

Look, come on, please? It's not like I'm asking you for some crazy favor.

This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor.

Man, I'm two hours late for work.

Here's my reel. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.

- Joe-- - Just watch it.

If you don't like it, don't pass it on to your bosses.

- Fine. - Thank you.

- Work, Joe. - Damn it.

- What am I gonna do now? - Just pass the tape along.

He's not right for the part.

If I suggest him, my bosses will think I'm an idiot.

And that's something they should learn on their own.

Just tell Joey that you watched the tape...

...and you liked it, but your bosses didn't.

Then you're the good guy, and they're the bad guy.

That's good. I liked it, they didn't.

Joey, for God's sake, go to work.

I can't believe I'm about to meet Benjamin Hobart.

I've always thought of him as someone I'd invite...

...to my fantasy dinner party.

Do you think there's any chance he'll bring Christie Brinkley or C-3PO?

Sorry, it looks like it's just him.

Charlie.

My God, you look absolutely stunning.

Well, I am having a good hair day.

- It's so good to see you. - Oh, you too.

I'm okay.

I'm sorry. Ross Geller, Benjamin Hobart.

It's an honor to meet you. I can't tell you how long...

...I've been an admirer of your work. I mean, that Nobel Prize.

I mean, I have to tell you that you're one of the reasons I got into the field.

Well, likewise.

Not likewise. I'd never heard of you until this morning.

But it's nice to be nice.

- Shall we? - Yeah. Thank you.

I can't believe that you chose this restaurant.

- Do you remember the night? - Oh, my God. I completely forgot.

Oh, my God, I can't believe they let us back in this place.

You weren't there.

No, but, you know, it's just a funny image.

You know, the two of you in this restaurant with the...

Why don't you tell Benji about your proposal while I go to the ladies' room.

So tell me about it.

Okay. Well, I would like to do a dig in the Painted Desert.

There are still several areas that haven't been fully excavated.

- Break up with Charlie. - What?

What?

Did you just say, " Break up with Charlie"?

Well, yes and no. Yes, I did say it. And no, I didn't not say it.

- Kind of inappropriate, don't you think? - Listen, I'm sorry.

I just haven't seen her for so long, all these feelings are rushing back.

I'm starting to realize how much I've missed her.

And I'm gonna need you to break up with her.

- Are you serious? - lf you say, yes, then I'm serious.

If you say, no, then I'm joking.

- No. - Joking it is.

- Hi, sorry I'm late. - Hey, how'd it go with Mike?

- Is he gonna let you keep the painting? - No, he really hates it.

But he's gonna let me keep my box of human hair.

So you gotta pick your battles. But the good news is, Gladys is yours.

Wow, what's the bad news?

- Who's Gladys? - Oh, she's that work of art I made.

You know, with the woman coming out of the frame.

And Monica gets to keep her?

In her house? I am so jealous.

I didn't know you wanted her too.

Well, I mean, sure, of course.

But you already gave that to Monica, so...

- You know, I would give her up for you. - No, I couldn't let you do that.

- No, but I want to. - But I don't want you to.

- But I insist. - But I insist harder.

Girls. Girls. Stop. Okay, we'll flip a coin.

Heads, she's Rachel's. Tails, she's Monica's.

- Tails. Monica, she's yours. - No, that landed in your food.

No, no, that's okay. You won fair and square. I'm so sad.

Hey, Joe?

Bad news. I watched the tape and passed it along to my bosses...

...and they weren't interested.

I'm sorry, man.

- But you watched the tape? - Yeah, I liked it.

But my bosses didn't go for it. Stupid sons of bitches.

- You didn't watch the tape. - What? Of course I did.