How I Met Your Mother

In the spring of 2009

I've been hired to design

a new headquarters for Goliath National Bank.

And I was eager to add as much of my voices

as an architect into the plan as possible.

woodbeams bathed in natural light in the atrium.

They're gonna love it!

There was only one problem

and his name was Bilson

wood natural light

Ah,no!

Natural light reminds the workers that there's an outside world

where they had family and friends

We want to crash that!

You show up in the dark, you go home in the dark

You spend your whole damn day in the dark!

I need to hear Lily's voice

Who said you could leave

Bilson was killing every original idea I had

Then, one day

GNB took him off the project

and created a new task force to oversee my designs

suddenly, everything changed

We'll have a roof top in the end of the garden

for quiet contemplation

We'll have a reflecting pool in the lobby

where local children can come to make wishes.

The New GNB,

A place of work

that you can call "home".

Thank you, and welcome home.

Everything was going great,

until one day, in the elevator

yeah, it's ted

no, no, no, no, no, no

I did not approve that change

for the blueprints for the new GNB headquarters

which I'm the head architect,

at only 30 years old

yes, I'm single, I'm not gifted charity.

what is that has to do with anything

Alright, goodbye, Mr. Mayor.

You know that was a fake phone call, don't you

Yes, and I also know

that the new GNB headquarters project was scrapped last month

Nice try.

Check out Scarlett Johansson at the Oscars.

If I could nail any celebrity

it would definitely be Scarlett Johansson

Hot, talented,

and nobody does that many in Woody Allen's movies

without serious daddy's issues

If I could nail any celebrities, it would be Lily.

She's the star of my heart.

For me, it would be Hugh Jackman.

You know, I don't know, celebrities,

they're into some really weird sex stuff. Trust me.

How would you know that

This is embarassing,but I...

I went home with a celebrity one night.

Oh my god! Seriously

Yeah, he wanted to do this really freaky things with me,

So I left. That's it.

End of the story.

No, no, not end of the story

I need to know who, when, and in where. Spoil it!

Lily, be calm, please settle down.

you're swallowing to much air.

But before you go any further,

I'm flattered, but technically, I'm not a celebrity.

Plus, for the last time, I put the mask on as a joke.

OK, not you Barney.

OK, who is it

OK, now you give Lily the hiccups.

Ok, I won't tell you anything specific.

But all I'll say

is that he is Canadian born,

but you definitely know this guy.

And he got me back to his place

by offering to show me a very unique collection.

What do you mean collection

Well, you know some people collects

like stamps or coins, it's like that.

But I'm not telling.

Well, at least tell us the weird thing he wanted to do.

I don't know what you call it in the States,

but we have a name for it in Canada.

Look, I've already said too much.

So, mystery celebrity who collects a mystery item

asked you to do a mystery Canadian sex act.

Yes.

Tell us.

OK, I'll tell you.

But only if you guess all three parts correctly.

-Well, that's just impossible. -Exactly.

I don't even know any Canadian sex acts.

Well, you got your Sloppy Dog Sled,

your Newfoundland Lobster Trap, your Full Mountie.

How do you know all these

-Dot org -Yeah.

It's not for profit.

They really wanna just get the information out there.

Hey, so I just had the weirdest conversation.

This woman at GNB told me

that the new bank building was scrapped last month.

It's crazy, right

Wait, what's that look

-Should we tell him -I don't wanna tell him.

-I think we should tell him. -We're not telling him.

There was no look.

Guys, what the hell

Ok, it's time that you know the truth.

A few weeks ago, Bilson called us into his office.

We're scrapping the plan for the new GNB headquarters.

This recession is killing us.

We're cutting anything non-essential.

And I have a lot of tough choices to make

to buy courtly retreat in Saint Croix.

Man, Ted is gonna be devastated.

Not when he hears it coming from his best friend.

-I have to tell him ! -I have to tell him !

You should tell him, you're his best friend.

I'm not, you're his best friend.

I'm not, you're his best friend.

Quiet, here he comes.

The white dude or the Asian fellow

See I bearly know the guy.

-Hey, Ted, what's up -Hey, how're you doing

I'm frustrated.

Anything innovative I put on my designs

Bilson just hacks out with a shitty

I hate to answer to a guy like that.

You should drop the project.

You should totally drop the project.

It's beneath you.

Then it's settled. To Ted Mosby's new chapter...

Are you kidding They just lay off another architect at my firm.

I mean Bilson is a pain sure.

But without this project, I'm probably out of the job.

Right, it's funny that you metioned the project.

-Because... -You're nailing it.

Keep up the good work buddy.

Your hair and teeth look fantastic today.

You're shining like a diamond!

Thank you.

I needed that.

All right, I'm going to head upstairs and keep working.

I got to find a way to introduce some wood

into Bilson's dark atrium.

I think you know what I meant.

-What was that -What

I have a thought.

Okay, we're paying Ted's firm

for two more months of design work no matter what,

so couldn't we just let him

keep working and not tell him

He's had a rough year.

Let's let the guy be happy a little while longer.

Marshall, what you're suggesting

is an elaborate,long-term lie

that requires tremendous commitment.

A nice guy like you can't pull that off.

Sure I can.

Lie to me right now.

Okay.

I have a spaceship.

What kind of fuel powers your spaceship

Okay, I don't have a spaceship.

No!

Stand your ground!

If someone questions you,

distract them from the original lie with more lies.

Here, let me demonstrate.

I own a pony.

Ask me a question.

Okay.

Um, what color is your pony

Well, when I first got Dandelion,

she was a deep, chestnut brown,

but, sadly, her stable is located near a chemical plant,

which contaminated the drinking water.

So over time, she's turned a sickly, grayish-white color

and there's nothing that the vet can do to fix her.

My God!

I'm-- That's horrible.

Is Dandelion going to be okay

Okay.

All right. Huh

You are good!

Dandelion's not even sick, is she

So the building's really dead

and you guys lied to me

We, we just did it to protect you, Ted.

I can't believe this. I just got screwed by my two best friends

and I didn't even know it.

In Canada, that's called a "Sneaky Snowplow."

That building was my dream job, and now, it's just gone.

We're so sorry, Ted.

Yeah, I need a drink.

Poor Ted.