A Ballerina's Tale

Four and...

That's good.

It's coming up.

- I think that people think that sometimes I focus too much

on the fact that I'm a black dancer.

But that's so much of who I am,

and I think it's so much a part of my story.

Just making it to this IeveI, I think,

no matter what race you are or what gender,

is a huge accompIishment.

l don't think that peopIe realize what a feat it is

being a bIack woman.

lf they were to, you know, go back and read

that there's never been a bIack principaI woman

at the RoyaI BaIIet, at the Paris Opera BaIIet,

at the Kirov Ballet,

in the top companies in the world,

in New York City BaIIet in New York City...

l don't think peopIe reaIIy understand that.

Hi, Steph.

You okay? You good?

Yeah, I'm okay.

- How you doing? - I'm good.

- You coming tomorrow? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Gonna come and watch everyone.

- You good, though? - Getting better, yeah.

Taking barre?

- I did my own barre today, so...

Good.

- Nice to see you. - You too.

She just got injured.

It sucks.

This is--this is it.

I've been coming here since I was 1 6

to these exact studios.

This Paloma Herrera

in the part of Gamzatti in "La Bayadère,"

and I do this role now, which is so exciting.

I premiered it two years ago,

and I'll do it again this Met season.

This is, like, where we have our rehearsal schedules,

where they put up casting when it's time.

There's usually, like, a basic casting book

that's, like, this big book.

It's like the Bible, and it has, like,

what parts you're learning and, like, you're understudying,

and so you have to, like, go back to that

and then think, "Oh, what part am I understudying?"

And then you have to check, and it's like,

"All Us and alts."

Like, understudies and alternates have to come,

and sometimes you're not called.

It's just confusing, and it took me so many years

to, like, feel comfortable and not, like, be on edge.

Every morning, I come in early.

I'm usually either-- I'm alone.

No one's here yet.

I move the barre by myself, which is heavy,

and I put it right here,

and then this is my spot every morning.

Like, if I take class in here, this is exactly where I stand,

'cause then I can see myself in that mirror from the front

and I can see myself in that mirror from the side,

which is nice to be able to, like, see all angles of yourself

when you're working at the barre,

to see, you know, if my leg is in front of me

or if my leg is behind me.

I can see all of that from the side,

make sure that everything is, like,

exactly the way that it needs to be.

So I'm a crazy perfectionist.

So this is my spot.

And sometimes, like, someone will get here first,

and then they take your spot, and you're like,

"Ugh, I have to stand behind them today."

- Every great ballet dancer, male or female,

at one point ends up dancing at ABT

or at least desires to dance at ABT.

It was founded in the belief

that we could emulate Russia and France

in terms of having a world-cIass baIIet company.

They perform at the Metropolitan Opera House,

which is considered, bar none,

the most important stage in the world.

l was definiteIy,

for the majority of my chiIdhood,

in underpriviIeged communities

and struggIing in terms of money.

I was one of six kids.

l was very shy and definiteIy was

the one in the famiIy that bIended in with the background,

'cause everyone was fighting for attention in some way.

I was introduced to baIIet at 1 3,

and it was just this instant connection.

I felt that I could reaIIy say something.

l feIt Iike l beIonged and that I had a voice.

l started to deveIop ways

of criticaIIy thinking about things,

which l'd never had to do before.

I had to make decisions

on how l was going to approach a step

or using parts of my brain and my body

that I hadn't used before.

- The competition is Misty Danielle Copeland.

I got all my fouettés in.

I'm really happy.

Kevin McKenzie approaches me and says,

"WeII, you're gonna join the studio company,

but before your contract starts,

we wouId Iike for you to come on tour

with the main company for two weeks in China.

And that was just, Iike, "Oh, my God."

Like, "lt's happening."

It's like seeing the turning point in a movie,

and it's happening to me right now.

On that trip to China, I think it was in New York,

Iike, right before we Ieft,

that l met LeyIa, my best friend.

- So right away, we clicked, and we got along,

and we were rooming together,

and we became the best of friends.

We just did everything together,

and we kind of had, like, this camaraderie.

We would take trips to Red Lobster in Brooklyn,

'cause at the time, they didn't have one in Times Square.

- We would get on the train and travel

to go to some Red Lobster,

and sometimes, if Red Lobster was closed,

we'd go to SizzIer

that was, like, next door.

We--I don't know what it was,

but, like, we--

We loved it.

And then when that Red Lobster opened up in Times Square,

we were like, "Yes!"

- When you're in your adolescence

and you're dancing, you don't get to experience

what normal kids get to experience.

You don't date. You don't go to parties.

You don't-- you don't hang out.

As soon as school is over,

you're going straight to practice

and to dance class.

- That was around the time that I first was being told

to lose weight by ABT,

and I had no idea how to handle that.

I mean, I never had to watch what I ate.

Like, I had no idea how to take care of my body.

It was just naturally the way it was,

and it worked for ballet until I hit puberty,

and then it all changed.

- The skinny ideal that a lot of contemporary audiences

associate with ballet today

is strictly a modern phenomenon,

and it can actually be dated to 1 963,

when George Balanchine was abIe to start creating

the ballet and the ballerina

according to a vision he had,

an ideal vision he had, of a dancer.

Post Balanchine, you get these very emaciated body types,

and you get no longer a woman on the stage.

You get these prepubescent girls--

flat-chested,

you know, encouraged not to eat

to the point of not being able to menstruate--

and, you know, that has created a huge,

I think, problem in ballet.

It literally has killed ballerinas

and actually doesn't need to exist at all.

- lt aII kind of hit me at once:

moving to New York,

realizing I was the only African-American woman

in a company of 80 dancers.

l feIt Iike l was sinking for a whiIe.

l feIt aIone in a world that had become my home,

and it gave me mixed feeIings.

l was coming home at night

and just feeIing so bad about myseIf,

and l wouId caII Krispy Kreme,

and they told me they onIy deIivered to--

to, Iike, big corporations, so I was like,

"Okay, yeah, l'm a corporation.

Can I have two dozen doughnuts?"

And they'd drop them off, and l wouId eat

a dozen doughnuts in one sitting.

l was overeating because I felt

so bad about myseIf.

I just started this pattern of, like, feeling so ashamed

that I didn't even want to come to class in the morning.

I didn't want to stare at myseIf in the mirror.

- I first became aware of Misty CopeIand

when she joined the company, the corps,

and I would see her in performances,