Foursome

Last season on Foursome.

You learned that a foursome doesn't always involve sex.

Okay, my group of friends, it kind of does.

There's Imogen.

We're next door neighbors and this is

her first year of public school.

She's adjusting.

Courtney, my brother's girlfriend.

She shouldn't even be here.

She graduated last year but can't seem to stay away.

Dakota.

His advice is top notch,

and he's the gayest straight shooter at Brayer.

And Andie, me.

Together we make up my foursome.

Without my group I'd have to battle my big brother Alec.

Check in time, little sister.

Who makes dating impossible.

Get off my sister!

But luckily I have my squad helping me

break out of my little sister shell.

And I think it worked,

because even Josh, my forever crush,

started seeing me differently.

He even kissed me.

I can't.

You're my best friend's little sister.

I'm sorry.

But through it all, bad boyfriends,

epic parties, and heartbreak, we became closer than ever.

This semester is about to get a lot more interesting.

That girl, the one who got ignored,

avoided, and sister-zoned, she no longer exists.

Andie Fixler, new and improved.

That's right.

The rest of the semester you're going to

be seeing an Andie full of confidence.

An Andie who knows what she wants,

and most importantly, an Andie who is

completely over that pussy Josh.

I told you Andie, it's never gonna happen.

Like I was saying,

this is going to be the semester of Andie.

Whoa, hey, you're my best friend's little sister.

I can't.

Remember, you're cool Andie.

Fun Andie.

Confident Andie.

I choose Alec.

What?

But not in a gay way.

No, what?

Hey Andie.

You good?

Sorry Andie, I just can't.

You good?

He's the best.

Come here, little sister.

Alec?

You good? (sniffing)

- I just can't. - You good?

- Sorry, I just can't. - He's the best.

Trump, nice work.

Roland.

Don't worry, a lot of men can't figure out the female form.

Just ask my ex, Zach Bush.

That's if you can get ahold of him.

Josh, Greer, come on!

You can swap spit on your own time.

Class is almost over.

Let's see.

Fixler.

Fixler?

Sorry, sorry.

My alarm didn't go off.

Nightmare.

You know what my nightmare is?

You, as a student.

I know we moved classes, but we're right next door.

I thought you could handle it.

Clearly I gave you too much credit.

Take a seat.

All right people, today's lesson is pheromones.

Andie if you're having nightmares,

remember, I'm only a window away.

All right.

Pheromones are a chemical substance

that scientifically attracts us to each other.

Men are sloppy kissers because they're trying

to sneak attack their testosterone into their partners.

Pheromones, pheromones. (bell rings)

Pheromones are powerful catalysts of sexual attraction.

Men have four times as many pheromones as women do.

I'm a Josh pheromone, and I am inside you.

Miss Fixler, did you pop a hemorrhoid?

No.

I, I've never felt better.

Dismissed.

Uh, Ms. Ebison, I never got my quiz.

Oh, yeah.

Um.

Here it is.

I used yours as a napkin.

There must be some mistake, because this says 80%,

that would mean I got a B.

That's.

I've never gotten below a 97%, like I can't.

I cannot let my grades drop like that, okay.

Yeah, I'll do anything, I'll do anything,

I'll do extra credit, but I cannot have this happen.

I cannot have this happen.

Okay, okay, no, no.

My paycheck doesn't include this.

Find a tutor and re-take the test.

A tutor?

Where am I supposed to find

an expert on female anatomy?

What?

Lace panties cause yeast infections, I'm being proactive.

Oh, that's nice (chuckles).

Woo.

Alec, hey, it's me, again.

Where have you been?

Anyways, I was calling to remind you about couples therapy.

We really need it.

No sex in four days is unheard of.

Please show up.

If you don't, I'll get really emotional.

Okay, I'll see you later.

Hey caricature of a white girl, quit pouting.

A B is still a good grade.

I let myself get tempted in public school

with its parties and its boys and its lies.

I let myself get distracted and now I am

just a slightly above-average student.

I have to convince my mom to let me

go back and be home schooled.

Oh my gosh, I have so many questions.

Is it Alec? Is it Alec?

Is it Alec? Is it Alec?

Courtney.

Why would I give your high school boyfriend my digits?

I don't care if you guys are going through something.

Real talk, he's the worst.

Go to college.

Life lessons by Dakota.

You guys, I figured it out.

How to wear a face of makeup?

A home remedy for pimples?

What? No.

- How to get over Josh. - How to get over Josh?

Yes.

- Oh. - Oh.

At least one of you knows me.

It's me.

This time it's science.

There's an actual chemical reason why I'm still into Josh.

Chemical?

Is it airborne?

No, listen.

My mind knows that Josh choosing Alec over me

and dating Greer Wayne Gacy makes him

the worst possible candidate for a suitor,

but my bod still gets the downstairs shivers when I see him.

Andie.

Guru Dakota will always be here for you.

Is that a smock?

After completing my holy grail,

i.e. being the only student in Brayer history

to out someone in every grade,

it's made the students non-stop PM, DM, and M & M me.

And as someone who is sought after for sexual advice,

I feel like I could whip up a solution just for you.

No thank you.

I don't need a plan from you guys,

because this time I came up with my own.

All I need to do is get some new pheromones into my system

so my body can start fighting off Josh's.

He's the last person I hooked up with,

so I need some new saliva.

Let me put my saliva in you.

No, Courtney, no, stop.

- Ew, Courtney. - I won't.

- Courtney, no. - Stop it.

We're not having this conversation again.

But maybe privately we could?

No, never.

What, are you gonna go lick

the drinking fountain for pheromones?

I would highly recommend against it.

No, Alec practically lives at the fountain.

So I joined a bunch of extra-curriculars

that Alec would never be caught dead in.

Jazz band?

Chess?