Gypsy

All right, all right, all right, everybody.

My daughter needs a pin spot.

Never mind now.

Wait a minute, you'll all get a chance.

Herbie. Herbie.

- Yes, Herbie. - We were here first.

Herbie, here we go with the mothers.

Forget the mothers, George.

I don't want the mothers in the wings.

I don't want the mothers in the house.

They're trying to help the kids.

Don't argue with me, Herbie. Mothers, please, will you get out?

Get odd-stage.

And then I want you to come forward one at a time.

And now let's have the first wee lad on Uncle Jocko's Kiddie Kapers.

Take them each from the top and then cut to the last eight.

All right.

Uncle Jocko presents...

...Clarence and his clarinet.

Go ahead, kid.

Cut to the end! To the end, kiddo. To the end.

And who does Uncle Jocko have here?

Baby June and Company.

I'm "and Company."

I mean, I assist. That is until Mama finds out what I do best.

She's working on it.

Yeah, dear.

Seem nice, but I've only got time for half your routine.

So let's have it fast and off. Okay?

- Okay. - Okay, huh?

Herbie, come here.

That's the one that's gotta get the contract. The beast with the balloons.

Oh, now, the one that gets it is the one with talent.

- I'm the boss and I pick the cast. - And I'm getting sick of it, George.

Oh, Gus! Gus!

Hit this doll with a surprise pink when she does her turn, huh?

And now...

...Uncle Jocko presents Baby June and Company.

Let me entertain you

Let me see you smile

I will do some kicks

I will do some tricks

I'll tell you a story

I'll dance when...

Sing out, Louise! Sing out!

Now, quiet. Who said that?

You're behind, Louise. Catch up, dear, catch up.

- Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! - Please, get off the stage, please.

Didn't I see your face at the Odd Fellows Hall?

- My first husband was one. - I'm not.

- Knight of Pythias. - I'm not a Knight.

Aren't you anything?

- I'm an Elk. - Should have known by your manners.

My father's an Elk. One, eight, five, three, Seattle, Washington.

I got his tooth here someplace. I'm an Honorable Elk.

- Hi, Bill. - Hi, Bill...

Would you mind holding Chowsie?

That's short for "chow mein." Mama loves chow mein.

Stop sucking your thumb, Louise.

I just marvel how you can make a performer into an artist.

So if you could help my little girls by giving them a nice, loud:

Da-di-da, di-da-da.

- Oh, Mr. Zipser... - Yes?

When my girls do their specialty, please ad lick?

- Sure. - Show them.

- You're boss, what do I do? - Get her out of here!

Oh, Mr. Electrical! Would you please spot Baby June?

She's the one with the movement.

Every little movement has a meaning all its own.

Hit her with some pink. Or do you prefer amber?

I never can make up my mind what color to use.

- Decisions, decisions, decisions. - You said it. She's ready for big time.

We'd be there if we had first-class management.

Big time? Har, har, har.

Open time, layoff time, big time, boy is she...

Is that so? Don't you laugh. Don't you dare laugh!

Please, let us get on with the rehearsals.

- We're not finished. - You are as far as I'm concerned.

Trying to play favorites? Louise heard every word.

We're on the level.

How dare you let that untalented balloon block up my babies?

I won't leave this stage until she does. Have you no loyalty to the Elks?

It's not Elks, it's talent.

My girls have the only talent on this stage.

And I'm gonna tell that to the editor of the Gazette.

Which, it so happens, he's an Elk.

I'll also shout "the whole audition is being fixed" because of her.

Hey, you get in the wings and wait.

La-di-da, di-da-da.

Thank you, Professor.

Let me entertain you

- Thank you, Mr. Jocko. - Herbie, come here!

Thank you, Mr. Zipser.

I don't care who she shouts on, we sign the balloon.

I'll tell you a story

You sign, I resign.

Hit it, girls.

Uncle Jocko was a gent.

He quit.

And I made the usual arrangements with my wedding rings.

Pawned them. All three of them.

And we all started back to Pa's house in Seattle to refinance.

We were like an advancing army on the big time, backfiring all the way.

Mama, I've been thinking.

How come I have three fathers?

Because you're lucky.

Does it have to be this cold, Mama?

Breathe hard on each other, kids.

And hold that Thermos up against you.

Oh, why does this pile of junk have to be stopping all the time?

Because it isn't going, Mama.

The trouble's got to be in either the universal joint or the rear end.

Now, now, now. No dirty talk.

Don't worry. Whatever it is, I'll fix it.

I think something melted.

Look, Mama.

What are we gonna do, Mama?

We'll break our jump.

Surely there must be a theater in this hamlet.

We'll get a hitch into town, which means we'll go see one of Mama's brothers.

Have you got brothers in this town, too, Mama?

Practically all men in America are Mama's brothers.

Like your grandpa says, you can tell the size of a man's heart...

...by the button in his lapel.

What would Grandpa say about this automobile, Mama?

He'd ask if it was insured.

It is, isn't it?

Only for fire.

Get everything out, girls, I smell smoke.

Now, Mr. Willis, don't give me that stuff...

...about what the other salesman used to sell.

How much of his candy did you sell? Zero. He steered you wrong.

You're not on the ball with your patrons...

...selling plain chocolate bars, Mr. Willis.

It's like women wearing bustles. This is an era of youth.

Of flappers, of shifters. It's a world that crunches.

So, what should you sell?

Crunchy Butterfingers.

Crispy Baby Ruths covered with our nourishing milk chocolate...

...safe for a baby. I'm gonna put you down for a hundred gross, Mr. Willis.

And I personally guarantee you'll reorder within a month.

Ten dozen chocolate bars.

You're cheating yourself. Ask any... Here, ask her what her kids eat.

Butterfingers, so help me.

I speak as a mother. Who could argue with a mother?

Not me. Twenty dozen, assorted.

- Mr. Willis... - Are you the woman Buffalo...

...Mr. Beckman called me about?

I certainly am. I came down to discuss the act.

- Now, how big is your orchestra? - Three pieces. Piano, cover and stool.

What kind of act do you do?

It's great. I caught it in L.A.

- You two a team? - I never saw him before.

I speak only as a pro.

Well, sometimes I play an act when I got a weak movie.

Tell you the truth, lady, I got a weak movie.

But this town's very brotherhood-minded, Buffalo-wise.

Are you sure you're a lady Buffalo?

Honorary.

- Rmm. - Rmm.

- Now we can talk turkey. - Turkey's 60-40.

That's a deal.

She gets the 60, you get the 40.

- No guarantee. - With a town full of Buffaloes...

...she doesn't need a guarantee.

I don't like it, but I'm stuck with my Buffalo oath.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go to the ladies' room and fix the sink.

- Thanks for getting me that 60. - Well, thanks for getting me this order.

Thanks for saying you caught the act in L.A.

I did. Hello, Chowsie.

I was Uncle Jocko.

Uncle Jock... Well, where's your goggles and tam-o'-shanter?

- How come you're selling candy? - I quit the profession, thanks to you.

- Me? - Yeah. You triggered it down in L.A.

I had this candy bar proposition for a long time and I'm singing like a bird.

I tip the fedora to you. Name is Sommers. Herbie.

Hovick. Rose Hovick.

How come you quit the profession to become a candy butcher?

Because, lady...

Rose, the profession is making a buck the hard way.

Not if it's in your blood.

When you say that, you look like a pioneer woman without a frontier.

Is that good or bad?

Oh, it's good. You've got what it takes.

You won't let the world push you around.

Say, it's that fashionable cocktail hour again, Rose.

I would like to buy you a small booze and a bite to eat.

Now, there's a local speak which has fair gin...

...but dandy chow mein, if you happen to go for Chinese food.

Is there any other kind?

Say, you're a regular Irene Castle, Rose.

Everybody in my family is, except Louise.

- But you're working on it. - You bet I am.

She must be able to do something, but June is already the showbiz whiz.

She's a worker, all right.

I'd like to see her in a big flash act. A lot of scenery.

And maybe six little girls behind her. All brunettes to show off her blondness.

If you wanna show her off, back her up with some boys...

...the way Ziegfeld does.

What does Ziegfeld know about vaudeville? My mind's made up.