The Big Bang Theory

Leonard, are you in the shower?

I can't hear you! I'm in the shower!

I asked if you were in the shower,

but that's moot now!

What?

Moot! Rendered unimportant by recent events!

I can't hear you! I'm in the shower!

I have to skip the chitchat.

Emergency.

What kind of emergency?

Mathematical-- 32-ounce banana smoothie,

16-ounce bladder.

You might not want to do that.

I assure you I do.

Sheldon, I'm not alone in here.

What?!

Hello, Sheldon.

What are you doing in there?

She can't be in here!

We were in here first; you can't be in here.

According to the roommate agreement,

paragraph nine, subsection B,

"The right to bathroom privacy

is suspended in the event of force majeure."

And believe me, I am experiencing

a very majeure force.

Come on, you can't wait two minutes?

Oh, Leonard, let the man pee.

Penny? Penny?

Penny?

What?

Move. Move. Move!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Dr. Leonard Hofstadter,

you are officially charged

with two violations of the roommate agreement.

Do you waive

reading of the charges?

Yeah, fine.

Hang on. No.

My client does not waive reading of the charges.

Oh.

Cool. I've got a lawyer.

And I've seen her naked.

Proceed.

Very well.

"Count the first:

"On or about the 28th day of April,

"the accused did knowingly and with malice aforethought

"deny access to the shared bathroom

"in a time of emergency, to wit, my back teeth were floating.

"Count the second: the accused exceeded

"the agreed upon occupancy of the shower,

"to wit, one, unless we are under attack

by water-soluble aliens."

Can I see the roommate agreement?

Um, it's fairly technical.

I think I can handle it.

Top of her class, Cambridge University.

Licensed to practice law in three countries

and your face.

All right, based on a cursory reading,

it doesn't look like you have much of a case, Sheldon.

Do so, do so.

Oh, I'm afraid not.

Section seven here, on the right to enter the bathroom

in emergency situations, is not specific

as to what constitutes an emergency.

Oh, that's ridiculous!

A bathroom emergency is self-explanatory.

Is it? If Leonard forgot to trim his nose hair,

could he barge in while you were showering?

Irrelevant. Leonard doesn't trim his nose hair.

He thinks because he's short nobody can see up there.

My point is, Sheldon, the legal principle is,

ambiguity in a contract benefits the party that did not draft it,

in this case, Leonard.

So much for count one. But...

There's no buts, Sheldon; that's how the law works.

Schooled!

As for the shower capacity issue,

I cite addendum J.

"When Sheldon showers second, any and all measures

shall be taken to ensure an adequate supply of hot water."

I believe this supercedes the occupancy issue.

Superceded!

This isn't over.

No offense, but shower sex with you

is now the second best thing that's happened today.

Mmm, Greek food on pizza night?

This is the most delightfully cruel thing we've done to Sheldon

since we left that fake message from Stephen Hawking

on his voice mail.

Seriously?

: I wish to discuss your theories of black holes.

Meet me at the Randy's Donut by the airport at 2:00 a.m.

What is that you're eating?

Tonight is pizza night.

I'd like to refer that to my attorney.

According to what I see here,

Thursday nights are Franconi's pizza night.

Yes, and when Franconi's went out of business,

we switched to Graziano's.

That's interesting.

Can you just switch restaurants like that, Priya?

A good question, Howard.

Turns out you can't.

According to the document

you drew up, Sheldon, the selection

of a new takeout restaurant requires public hearings

and a 60-day comment period.

Were those criteria met?

No.

Opa! Opa! Opa!

This is Greek food?

Leonard, you hate Greek food.

Not as much as you.

Fine. I'm nothing if not adaptable.

I got you the lamb kabob.

Thank you.

If you think about it,

Greek food isn't that far from Italian food.

They share a spice palette.

And what a civilization is the Greeks'!

They gave us science, democracy,

and little cubes of charred meat that taste like sweat.

Penny? Penny?

Penny?

Hey. What's up?

The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb.

Congratulations.

Pizza night will now be at your apartment.

Order one.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey,

I'm meeting Amy and Bernadette for dinner.

But you're welcome to tag along.

A girls' night?

Oh, I don't know if I'm up for an evening

talking about rainbows, unicorns and menstrual cramps.

Okay, suit yourself.

We'll probably be trashing Priya a little.

Shotgun.

Okay, I'd like to propose a toast

to a wonderful girls' night out.

Fair warning-- we can get ca-razy.

Yeah. Last week we smoked cigars and pretended to be dragons.

Really, Amy?

Tobacco and alcohol?

Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made

by people having a good time?

Why did you bring him?

He's harshing my buzz.

I felt sorry for him.

Priya's giving him a hard time.

Ooh, the Priya bashing's starting early. Yay!

Okay, what's up with those pantsuits?

I need some context.

Pantsuits suck.

And that opens her up

to justifiable ridicule for wearing them.

Good one, Bernadette.

See? Ca-razy.

Whee...!

You smell like baby powder.

It's talc.

But as that's a primary ingredient of baby powder,

I understand your confusion.

Oh, I'm not confused at all.

You're like a sexy toddler.

I don't know how to process that.

I do.

That's too many S's for "kissing."

Not if they're doing it for a long time.

Sheldon... have you ever kissed a girl?

Other than my mother, my sister and my Mee-Maw, no.

But in the interest of full disclosure,

I was once on a bus

and had to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

to an elderly nun who passed out from heat exhaustion.

Every year I get a Christmas card from her,

signed with far too many X's and O's.

That doesn't count.

Aren't you even a little curious?

Yeah, you're a scientist-- where is the curiosity?

I'm available for experimentation.

Thank you.

Not necessary.

We know everything there is to know about kissing.

It requires 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles.

Oh, blah, blah, blah.

Give me some sugar, bestie.

I'm certainly glad no one said they were curious

about Aztec human sacrifice.

Hey, I know-- let's take Sheldon dancing.

Ooh, I totally want to see Sheldon dance.

I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate.

No, thank you, but for the record,