Two Weeks to Live

Can I have some breakfast please?

It's 3 quid for a cup of coffee and a bacon sandwich.

And obviously if you want it heated up it is another tenner.

Oh! OK.

That's the orange ones, right?

Hah!

And it's another tenner to park your jeep.

Of course. Ahh..... There you go.

Excuse me, love. You do realise that he's taking the...

...uhhh, why don't you go to the bathroom, Mandy?

Use the big mirror - eh?

You can put lipstick on a pig, man. It's still a pig.

Yeah! Yeah! Fuck Off!

May I use your bathroom?

Of course you can, darling.

Ten pounds.

Can I help?

Why do you work for a man who speaks to you like that?

No idea darling. It's probably the same reason that I married the bastard.

Why do you stay married to a man who doesn't love you?

You are weird.

You foreign or something? You don't sound foreign.

Sort of.

Can I have some of that?

Just have the lot, darling. It is cheap shit anyway.

And listen. That fellow of mine just stole from you.

You do know that, don't you?

You can be a right arsehole sometimes, Carl. You know that...

The fuck...

Heyy.....Stop

Is everything okay?

Not really, no.

You forgot your bacon sarnie.

That's okay, Mandy. I've had enough pig for one day.

You know what, if it is alright with you I will have that sandwich.

It just... the pig line just came to me and I kinda

just rolled with it but I really am quite starving

so thanks so much. That's really nice of you.

See you.

Ohhhh.. just warming the old girl up.

Here we go....

All I am saying is, you have never been very good with women.

What has that got to do with anything?

Well, you have just been dumped, kid.

Yeah, by someone I went out with for three years.

I'm not having a go, mate. I'm just saying when it

comes to girls you have always been a duck out of water.

What...So completely fine then?

Eehhh?

Ducks are amphibious Jay, so they are completely fine in or out of water.

Bullshit!

What do you mean, bullshit?

This is what I am talking about, Ron. No one

cares about all of your univers-y bullshit.

We two learnt that in year 2, Jay. That's not even junior school.

OK, look. The point is

no matter how clever you think you are you are never gonna get anywhere, cause

you got shit clothes.

Right!

A shit haircut.

OK.

And...dick like a burst balloon.

I've got a perfectly average sized penis, Jay.

OK. Do you wanna get over Ellie?

Not really.

Do you wanna prove that you are a big man?

Obviously not.

OK then, you have to speak to the next woman that walks in this pub.

Whoever they are.

I literally said no to both those things.

Hey, do you want me to say it?

No!

I'm gonna...

Don't.

I will say it.

Don't say it.

I shall say it.

Please don't.

I'm gonna say it.

I rather you didn't.

You are my little brother... and...

Pfffffhh

I..I..I love yooouu!

And I want you to have some fun. Alright?

No! This is not non negotiable.

You mean it is, non negotiable.

What?

Don't worry.

Ooohhh

Little brother - look...

Welcome my friend to the woman of my dreams.

wooooaaahh!

I am so sorry.

I will get you another one. at... the bar.

Ooohh, sorry. Sorry.

Aaww. Aaww.

Aaww. Aaww.

You alright?

Can I have a glass of cider?

Sure.

And..whatever the angry looking man behind me was drinking.

Thank you.

Can I ask you something?

Yes. Yeah - fire away, amigo.

Huh! Not amigo. Just friend.

Uhh. Not that we're friends.

Although they do say a stranger is a friend you haven't met yet.

We have technically met, haven’t we?

I consider it sort of depends on definition, so like...

Sorry, you had a question.

Yes.

This is definitely a shoe, right?

Yeahh...

I mean, I just feel like there has been some sort of a fundamental mistake.

I mean...

...no one else seems to be wearing them.

Right.

Sorry, It's just that I never really dress up

this smart before and I'm feeling a bit...

Yeah. No no no. Completely. That's...

It's the same for the film 'She's all that' and look what happened there.

What did happen there?

Oh, at the start of the film everyone's like 'she's

a gnome" and at then she pops this dress on by the end

and then everyone's kicking themselves, cause they are

like "Ahh, turned out that she wasn't all bad all along."

It's a classic. You've gotta watch it.

OK.

I put it on my list.

Wow, so this was taken on their first date?

Yeah, that's wanted this place to be my first pub.

I thought it would be nice to come for a drink here with dad.

Oh, is he coming down?

Oh, sort of.

You are leaning on him.

Oh God! I'm so...I'm so sorry.

Oh my God I...I...

You don't need to apologise to him. He's dead.

He can't hear you.

You want to ask me, don’t you?

Ask you?

Why this is my first time in a pub.

Or in those shoes.

Or why the only 4 films, I have seen in my life are Terminator 2,

Shawshank Redemption, Home Alone 2 and Braveheart.

Yeahhh. You know, I do actually.

I am afraid I've got some bad news, Nicky.

Kim?

Kim?

It's your turn to disembowel dinner when you got a sec.

Kim?

Dear Mum

I'm sorry for leaving, but I knew that you would try and stop me.

The thing is...

...I finally feel ready to try new things.

Work out what's out there for me.

And make things right...

...for Dad.

For all of us.

I'm not a little belle anymore.

I can look after myself, Mom.

The world is a scary place.

But it is just like he said in that beautiful poem he wrote for my 21ˢᵗ birthday.