The Simpsons

Aw, water soup again?

Now it's crow soup.

Ooh, I call an eye!

- Me, two! - Me, three!

And Maggie gets the beak.

Your hovel got in the way of my horse.

Kiss his hooves in apology.

Mm! Mm! Mm!

Oh, please, forgive us, noble steed.

Mm! Mm! Our nostrils are not worthy of your mighty stench.

Mm! Mm! Are those new horseshoes?

Oh, they look good on you!

Mm! Mm! Mm!

Lousy Nobles!

We Serfs are starving, while they're feasting

and jousting and posing for tapestries

where they're friends with a unicorn.

As if any unicorn would like them.

Unicorns like nice people... I'm a nice person.

Young lady, that kind of talk is anti-feudalist,

and I won't have it!

Without feudalism, we wouldn't have this hovel,

our bountiful filth, or my awesome buboes.

Ooh-hoo. I'll lance you later.

Bart! They just stuck new severed heads up

on the city walls!

Oh! Can we go, ma? Can we? Can we?

That's a lovely idea.

Oh. And we can bring my mom.

I hope she's doing okay in her new nursing home.

Which one is your mom's web?

Son, is that you?

No.

Ah, you ruined my nap!

Just like you ruined my daughter's life.

That's her.

They didn't skimp on the tar.

That's the secret to long-lasting heads.

Ooh, there's Ned Flanders!

It's always nice when you know someone.

Those are the kind of sideburns I was saying you should grow.

Hmm...

Pretty sharp.

Pretty, pretty sharp.

See how the heads of rich people

get the tallest pikes with the best view?

It's so unfair.

I told you to lay off feudalism.

It's the only system we know.

We have no choice about it, and therefore it's the best.

The system is designed to keep us down.

That's not true.

In a great country like ours,

a poor girl can grow up to be anything she wants...

A wife or a harlot and... That's it.

I wanted to be a harlot, but it's all who you know.

It's never too late.

Everyone is somebody's weird fetish.

Mom. What's wrong with your skin?

It's blue, and ice-cold.

This could be a serious disease.

Homer, she needs medical attention.

Pretty, pretty sharp.

It's never easy to say this.

You've got... genital Snerfs.

Doc, is there any way to control occasional flare-ups?

- Nope. - Yeah! Yay! Yippee!

Now, what have we here?

Progressive frozen-mortification!

This can only be the bite

of an Ice Walker!

An Ice Walker?

Mom, how did this happen?

Oh, I dated a ravenous wight

who abhors the warmth of the living.

And? He got fresh.

I'm sorry, baby. I know I screwed up.

But you got to give me another chance.

I love you.

She's 900 years younger than you, you pervert.

I like 'em young, that ain't no crime.

Is my mom gonna be okay?

Mm, I'm sorry, but a week from now,

your mother will be frozen solid.

No! No, that can't be.

She's barely into her hag years.

All you can do is give her leeches for the pain.

Here's an organizer.

So... So there's nothing we can do to save her?

Mm... Well, there's one treatment.

All we have to do is buy this amulet.

My mom is saved!

Yeah...

But a hundred GP?

I mean, that's more than tenth level fighter makes

in an entire campaign.

Don't worry, we'll figure it out.

Hey, sweet young thang.

What time they cuttin' you down?

Ooh, baby!

Okay, we just need to come up with a hundred gold pieces.

How much do we have in our savings?

Hmm... Let me think.

There's that thing...

What are savings?

Well, then we can sell our possessions.

The pig. The spoon.

The gelatinous cube

has to be worth something.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is this because of what happened to the cat?

I told him not to nap on me. So... That's on him.

Look, honey, I love your mom.

As crones go, she's tops.

But does it make sense...

I mean total sense... to spend all that money

so a really old lady can get a little bit older?

This is my mom's life!

This family will do whatever it takes to keep her alive!

Is that understood?

Of course. Of course.

Good. Good.

Good.

All I'm saying is...

Homer Serfson,

You are the most selfish jerk in the entire Tri-Kingdom area!

I should have listened to that witch

and married my twin brother, Markery.

Always here if you need me, sis.

Get lost, freak! She chose me!

You get that money to save my mom,

Or never set foot in this hovel again!

Good things come to those who wait.

Oh...

Is Marge still sore at you, Homer?

Yeah. It's not like I want to kill her mother.

I just want to let her die from neglect.

If I don't get the money for that amulet,

I'll be sleeping on the iron couch.

Now, let's see here. "An urgent message

for Milady Gwendolyn Partz."

Uh, Milady Partz?

Hey, has anyone seen Milady Partz?

Ah, come on, somebody grab Milady Partz!

That depends... how big is your dowry?

You little craven, if I ever get my hands on you,

I'm gonna slice you open and

fried on...

blood, black bile, yellow bile...

"And phlegm."

Yelling.

Aah!

Okay, break's over.

Uh, Lord Montgomery?

I've had some unforeseen family medical expenses,

and I was wondering, could I get an advance on my salary?

Uh, but first, can I have a salary?

Peasants.

Serfson, you've pushed that wheel around and around

for 20 years... Did you ever wonder why?

Mostly I just push it.

Have you ever noticed that the wheel

isn't hooked up to anything?

The rumors were true!

But your work does produce something very special...

Human misery...

Which, when collected, ground into a powder

and snorted, gives rich people tiny wings that do nothing.

So if you help me, it reduces my suffering,

which means less wing powder for my betters.

I'm glad we had this talk.

- But I really need the money... - Flit-flit.

Thank you for your time.

Mm...

Hi, Azzlan.

Marge, my child.

I've come to offer solace in this difficult time.

You mean convert me to your religion

when I'm at my most vulnerable?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm just here to ask you an important question.

Have you heard the news?

Yes, yes. I will be saved.

Thanks so much for stopping by.

I'm just going to leave you with this literature, praise God...

I can't go home and face your mom

without the money for that amulet.

In here.

Do you have your lucky lead nugget?

Always.

A lead-lick a day

keeps the doctor a-blah...

gold. Sweet, sweet gold!

Why didn't you ever tell us you could do magic?

Because if the king finds out, he'll take me away

and force me to be one of his evil wizards!

You necromancing nitwits!

I wanted an all-seeing eye, not this!

No daughter of mine is gonna end up in the hex trade.

Now, let's go buy that amulet.