Life in Pieces

Aw. Oh.

Hey.

Hey, birthday girl.

How's it feel to be 16?

Oh, I must look terrible.

I just woke up.

Well, I made plans for us. Can I come over?

I wish, but I'm sure my parents

already made plans for my birthday.

They're so gay for me.

Morning.

There she is. Big day today.

Oh, please don't make a big thing of it.

Are you kidding? Come on!

Battery recycling only comes once a year.

Yeah. It's like Christmas,

but instead of presents, you might get mercury poisoning.

Tha-That's it?

You don't have anything else to say to me?

Yes.

I need you to drag that duffel bag full of batteries

down to the library. Okay?

If it catches on fire on the way there,

just throw it in someone else's garbage and run.

Okay, she's gone. She's gone.

And she totally thinks that we forgot her birthday!

Look what I saved.

This is a drawing

that Sam did when she was eight

of her dream sweet 16 party.

We are gonna bring this to life.

Does it seem like a giant misfire

to give a 16-year-old an eight-year-old's birthday party?

Oh, Tyler. Don't be a dum-dum dummy.

Listen, I know this is silly.

I just, I want Sam to know that her dreams can come true.

Yeah, before she's old enough to realize they don't,

which usually happens sometime after college.

Was that some sort of dig at me?

I'm Charlie.

My mom left my dad

and now I live in this hotel.

Hey.

Looks like there's a few birthday surprises

at the bottom of the pool.

What? Nobody has ever dropped things into water for me.

Aw.

You think my dad's gonna come back?

What are these?

Open them.

"I."

"You."

- I don't get it. - Mom! I found an egg

with a necklace in it that says "love."

Hey! That belongs to her!

Love?

You love me?

Are you really gonna make me say it?

Only if you want me to say it back.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I'm going after my necklace.

Hey, turd! Get over here.

Aah!

Spoiler alert: These things are full of newspapers.

Candy costs extra.

Yeah, but who doesn't want to take a baseball bat

to the news these days?

I thought the only thing that got smashed at these things

was your dad.

Oh, honey, can you believe this?

Look it. We are giving our baby

the sweet 16 of her dreams.

Why do they call it "sweet 16"?

I did the most dirty, horrible things when I was 16.

Hi! Sorry we're late.

We had to take the bus.

Uh, related: I am sorry that I smell like pee.

Oh. Oh!

Okay, that's Samantha. That is definitely the car door slam

of a teenage girl who thinks her family forgot her birthday.

Everybody over here. Okay.

Quiet, quiet, quiet. Will you guys get the lights?

- Yeah, yeah. - Oh, she's gonna love this.

My family's still not back.

This morning that would've upset me, but now I'm glad.

Really? Today was so special

and I want to make it more special with you.

What were you thinking?

Let's go upstairs.

I want you to be my first.

Samantha!

First what?

- Surprise. - Surprise.

Oh, my God!

I'm just gonna go...

Nope!

Okay.

South America.

It has mystery; It's full of monkeys,

and Loris can get us a great deal.

Or we can rent an RV and drive around the country.

We could shower at truck stops.

You always wanted to do that.

Oh, I hate for you to find out this way, dear,

but I've already done that.

Oh.

John, I want a huge adventure.

Let's get lost in the mystery of South America.

Hola. ےComo estas? Gracias por invitarme.

Me llamo Lala y voy a enseٌarles espaٌol.

My name is Lala and I'm here to teach you Spanish.

It's so sexy.

ےComo te llamas?

El llama e Joan or Joanie.

Excellent. Now you, John.

What is your name?

John.

Okay.

Please, Lala.

Teach us everything we need to survive our adventure.

Yeah, yeah. Uh, ethnic food doesn't always agree with us,

so, uh, how do you say "bathroom"?

Bathroom is baٌo.

Say it with me. Baٌo.

Baٌo.

Now you, John.

Bonbo.

Baٌo.

That's what I said.

Good... enough.

So, um, where is the bathroom?

ےDonde esta el baٌo?

Uh, where is bonbo?

Hi, uh, Mom needs the balloons for Sam's birthday party.

No, en espaٌol.

We're studying for our aventura.

Sometimes if you just

add flair it works.

I haven't spoken Spanish since high school.

Pero, uh, mi madre necessita los globos

para la fiesta de Sam.

Oh, my. Do all Spanish speakers speak that fast?

You know, Mom-Mom, if you're having trouble,

there are a few apps you can get at the app store

- that can translate for you. - No, honey.

I need to do things the authentic way.

That's why we buy our tortillas from the lady in the wheelchair.

She makes them with her feet.

The best way to learn a foreign language

is to totally immerse ourselves.

That's what Lala said

when she canceled our next six weeks of lessons.

Oh.

Gracias.

Hola.

Bienvenidos.

Oh, I think he understood me.

ےLe gustarل comprar alguna de las frutas?

Uh. ےEsos?

Ah, manzanas.

Ah, las manzanas.

Sي, manzanas.

Yeah. I'm in a groove.

- You get the piٌatas for Sam's birthday. - Yeah. Yeah.

Remember, Spanish only.

Only Spanish. Yeah.

Um. No...

ےDonde es were we? Uh...

Lady, just tell me what you want.

Espanola, uh, por favor.

Quieres que te hablo en espaٌol. Sي.

Have you any, uh, Abuela Smiths?

Hola.

Hola, seٌor.

- Hola. - Hola.

Una piٌata por favor.

Ah, sي.

ےCuلl quiere que le baje?

Hola.

Uh, hola.

E, ےque tipo?

John.

One.

"John Juan."

E, ےque tipo de piٌata?

Oh. Oh.

My granddaughter is having a Princess and the Frog party.

You got any frogs?

ےFro...?

Toads.

Toad-o's?

ےTodas?

Sي, toad-a's. Sي.

No hay problema. Todas.

Una mas, por favor.

Um, um...

Uh... Tiempo.

ےTiempa?

- ےTiempo? - Joanie.