Decoys

COME ON, MARIA, THIS WAY.

AHH!

ARE THEY HOME?

NOBODY HOME.

LET'S GO.

HELLO?

LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.

OH, MY GOD! JESUS!

HEY.

HEY, THAT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.

COOL.

WHOA!

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

ICE QUEEN, BABY!

DAMN IT, JAVANE, YOU'RE SUCH A KNOB.

REMIND ME TO TAKE ART NEXT SEMESTER.

YOU MIGHT GET BURNED.

OH, OH.

YOU MAKE MY TEETH SWEAT, GIRL.

HEY.

YOU THINK MELODY KNOWS I'M A VIRGIN?

ACTUALLY? YEAH.

AH, JEEZ, IT'S FREEZING IN HERE.

AH, SOMEONE LEFT THE WINDOW OPEN.

I CAN'T STAND FRIGGIN' SMOKERS.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH WE GOTTA DO LAUNDRY.

I'M NOT DOIN' IT AT 30 BELOW.

AHA.

A CERVEZA?

I GOTTA SLOW DOWN, MAN, OK?

UH, YOU CAN SLOW DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.

OH, YEAH.

HI, I'M LILLY.

HI.

AND THIS IS MY COUSIN, CONSTANCE.

HOLA.

HI.

SORRY. I HAVE, UH, AN ORAL FIXATION.

MAY I?

WE TRANSFERRED FROM BAYSIDE.

OUR ROOM'S RIGHT DOWN THE HALL FROM YOURS.

NUMBER 1021.

UH,

HOW COME I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS AROUND BEFORE, HUH?

WE'RE PRE-MED. DIFFERENT SCHEDULES.

SO,

WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR?

I HAVE NO IDEA. I'M A FRESHMAN.

HOW COMPLETELY ADORABLE.

YOU WANT A LICK?

I, UH...

THERE'S A, UH, A SORORITY PARTY HAPPENING, UH, TOMORROW,

AND I WAS THINKING MAYBE--

WE KNOW.

COOL.

MAYBE.

SEE YOU LATER, FRESH-MAN.

UP? WHAT

HELLO?

ROGER IS ALL YOURS.

OH, YEAH, WELL.

I THINK HE'S KIND OF CUTE.

SURE, IF YOU LIKE ELIJAH WOOD.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME

YOU ACTUALLY HAD A CONVERSATION WITH A GUY,

AND HE DIDN'T GET DISTRACTED BY YOUR CLEAVAGE?

LOOK YOU IN THE EYE? NOT IF HE CAN HELP IT.

UP-DOWN, UP-DOWN. UP-DOWN, HELLO? FOCUS.

I'M UP HERE.

THESE MEN BACK HOME, THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FLASH.

IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE THAT COUNTS.

THE MEN AT HOME ARE DEAD.

THESE BOYS ARE RIPE FOR PICKIN'.

IT'S AMAZING, THE POWER OF A LOW-CUT TOP.

I, FOR ONE, AM POSITIVELY EXHAUSTED.

THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO WITH SO LITTLE TIME.

HMM.

DO YOU WANT TO GO TO BED?

OH, YEAH.

MMM.

WILL YOU DO IT FOR ME AGAIN?

HMM.

YOU KNOW I WANT TO.

MMM.

THANKS. MUCH BETTER.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

HONEY, LET'S GO SEE WHAT NATASHA'S UP TO.

ALL RIGHT, WHATEVER.

DUDE, THERE'S SOMETHIN' I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.

DUDE, YOU'RE ALWAYS BUSTIN' ME TO GET A DATE.

OH, YEAH, I GOT ONE.

I JUST MET THE TWO

FINEST WOMEN I-IN THE WORLD.

BLONDE GODDESSES.

CONSTANCE AND HER COUSIN, LILLY.

PRESENTING THE BABE BOOKENDS.

THE HOTTER ONE JUST INVITED ME

TO THEIR SORORITY RUSH PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT.

I'M SO IN!

THOSE BLONDES THAT YOU MET, RODGE?

THERE'S SOMETHIN' SERIOUSLY BENT ABOUT THEM.

YEAH! THESE ARE WOMEN, BABY. OH.

CALIENTE.

GOODBYE 2-D. HELLO 3-D.

DUDE, LILLY, HER CHEST, IT BURST OPEN.

AND THEN THESE BLACK FLESHY SNAKES START WHIPPIN' AROUND.

AND DUDE, I'M TELLING YOU, SHE'S STANDIN' THERE, EUPHORIC.

JUST DRINKIN' IN THE SPRAY FROM THIS TRIPPY AEROSOL CAN.

AND THEN BIGFOOT SHOWED UP?

I'M TELLING YOU. I KNOW IT SOUNDS INSANE, BUT IT HAPPENED.

OH, YEAH, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE 5 BEERS YOU POWERED DOWN.

WHOA, WHOA, I WAS NOT WASTED.

OK, I'M TELLING YOU THOUGH, SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY--

LUKE, LUKE, IT'S ALL RIGHT. I WANT YOU TO CALM DOWN, OK?

I WANT YOU TO BREATHE. I WANT YOU TO BREATHE. OK.

THAT'S GOOD.

WHAT ABOUT THE SPRAY CAN?

WHAT ABOUT IT?

WELL, IT HAD THIS LITTLE, UH, PERIODIC SYMBOL ON IT.

WHAT, YOU MEAN LIKE PRINCE?

THE LITTLE SYMBOL?

NO, NO, IT WAS, UH, IT WAS N-N2. ALEX, WHAT IS-- WHAT IS N2?

UM, LIQUID NITROGEN.

IT'S HAIRSPRAY.

WHAT HAPPENS IF IT GETS IN YOUR SKIN?

IT CAN CAUSE CRYOGENIC BURNING

AND THE INSTANTANEOUS FREEZING OF TISSUE.

WAS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

I DON'T THINK THEY HAD NAVELS.

IF YOU THINK THAT YOU SAW SOMETHING, LUKE, I BELIEVE YOU.

OK, I'M HAVING A PARTY AND IT'S IN A PLACE CALLED REALITY.

YOU'RE BOTH INVITED.

NATHAN,

PLEASE SHUT UP.

HEY, HEY.

NOBODY CALLS ME NATHAN.

IT'S GIBBY, A'IGHT?

OK.

WHAT IF THEY CAME HERE TO TAKE OVER S.J.C.?

TRUST ME, I DON'T THINK ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE IS ON THE BIG ALIEN RADAR.

IF ONLY I COULD GET A GOOD LOOK AT IT.

AT WHAT?

THE OPENING BETWEEN HER BREASTS.

WHAT? NO...

HEY, LOOK, THERE'S A CRONENBERG FESTIVAL

AT THE CROSS RIVER CINEMA TONIGHT.