How I Met Your Mother

With Christmas just around the corner,

your Uncle Barney, gave me the horrible gift of an unwanted secret.

Tomorrow night on the roof

of the World Wide News building--

that's Patrice's favorite spot--

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

Ah, poot-tu-tat! You're jinxed.

I'll unjinx you if you'll follow these two rules:

one: you can't try to talk me out of it,

and two: you can't tell anybody. Agreed?

Yeah that nod was a lie.

You see Robin had been hurting over Barney all fall.

And as her friend, I knew I had to tell her.

I just had to find the right moment.

Uh, there he is! The youngest architect ever

to build a skyscraper in New York City!

The shockingly still single Ted Mosby.

You hear that, ladies?

I can't believe the GNB Tower opens tonight.

Ted, your building finally gets unveiled to the whole world.

You hear that, ladies?!

Nervous?

Everything comes out of my body in liquid form now.

Ignore that, ladies.

Plus, I, I keep having this nightmare

where King Kong shows up to the opening

but refuses to climb my building

because, in his words, "It's a bit derivative."

Oh, stop it, tonight is gonna be amazing.

And we are definitely gonna be there to toast you,

but we might have to leave a little early if that's okay.

My dad just gave us the most amazing Christmas gift ever.

Our first night away since Marvin was born.

24 hours straight without that little bastard.

We're maximizing our time away

by planning everything down to the minute.

See?

2:12 p.m.-- guilt Ted

into saying it's okay if we leave early tonight.

It's okay if you leave early tonight.

Look, I just

appreciate you showing up at all

on your big night away.

I mean, Barney's not even gonna be there.

What?

This is the biggest night of your career.

Why isn't Barney coming?

I don't know-- he said,

"Legendary" and "Challenge accepted," and then he winked.

"Wait for it," you know, all that stuff.

That does sound like him.

Well, we're your real friends

and we wouldn't miss it for the world.

That is why we will see you tonight

from 7:03 to 7:14.

Bye, guys. Good night. Bye.

Okay, what's the real reason Barney's not coming?

Here was my chance to tell Robin about Barney.

Yeah, actually, Barney didn't say what he was doing tonight.

Anyway, uh, you know, I'm not taking anyone to the opening,

so you want to be my date?

Sure.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Okay, Dad, I-I made you a list

of Marvin's nightly schedule down to the minute.

Okay.

Uh, "9:06 p.m.-- put on edible underwear."

Wrong list, wrong list.

Come on, relax.

I know this little guy like the back of my hand.

Dear Lord, what is that?

Oh, jam, okay.

Just jam.

Oh, I-I forgot the lullaby.

Do you know Marvin's lullaby?

We sing it to him every night.

: Good night.

Enough with the damn music!

Take it, Mommy.

Got it-- load him up with cough syrup,

watch Breaking Bad until he conks out.

Just kidding.

We did it.

Yeah, we did.

Now that we're out the door,

I actually don't feel anxious.

Whoa, oh, my God, it's your dad!

Oh, something horrible happened-- aah!

Oh, it's Ted, relax.

Bar, now.

What is it?

He needs me.

But, baby, what about

our magical romantic night?

In four minutes we're supposed to be doing hand stuff

in the cab.

I'll be quick-- I'm sure it's nothing huge.

That's huge.

And I knew that I had to tell Robin.

But?

I may have, uh...

asked her to be my date instead.

What is wrong with me?

Deep down,

is there still some crazy part of me

that thinks I'm gonna wind up with Robin?

Am I that deluded?

If so, I need to grow up.

Oh, um, by the way, I'm breaking a jinx swear here,

so don't tell Barney or he gets to whack me

in the nuts three times with a Wiffle ball bat.

Sure, pretty standard.

Robin deserves the chance to go after Barney one last time

if that's what she wants.

I'm gonna go tell her.

One quick thing. Yeah.

Don't.

Hey, um, I'm gonna be a little while, baby.

It's a long story, but Ted needs my help.

Okay, but hurry

or I'm gonna start doing number 11 on my own.

You can do that by yourself?

Pilates, bitch.

Okay, why shouldn't I tell Robin?

Because deep down some crazy part of you

still thinks you're gonna wind up with her, and I agree.

Marshall... I'm sorry, I'm Team Tedward.

Always have been, always will be.

Now, listen.

I want my best friend to be happy.

And if Robin could mean happiness for you,

then, dear God, why help her go after another man?

Because she might still be in love with him.

To not tell her, to not give her that chance,

it's... it's selfish.

So be selfish.

I can't do that.

Tell that to the onion rings we just "split."

Robin is my friend.

She's always been more than that and you know it.

Now, as we speak,

my wife is in a hotel room cheating on me...

with herself.

But I'm not leaving here

until you promise not to say

a word about this to Robin.

Now repeat after me. "I..."

Well, I can do more at a time than "I."

"I, Ted Mosby, promise to stop

"putting everyone else's interests ahead of my own,

and for once in my life, do what's best for me."

I...

Sorry, what was the rest of that?

Hey, Dad, just taking a break

from our amazing night to check in.

I bet Marvin's pretty devastated that I'm not there, huh?

Not at all-- I don't think he even noticed you're gone.

It's kind of like Mommy who?

Oh... oh, good.

But I should probably sing him his nighttime lullaby

over the phone, just in case.

Sang it already-- nailed it.

Did you do the horsie?

Yep. The birdie?

Yep. Elephant?

Yep. Moose.

No moose, trick question.

Robot.

: Affirmative.

Look, I should go.

Marvin's asleep in my arms.

Mmm, his head smells like love.

Bye.

Whoa.

Hello... and hubba-hubba.

Aw, thanks.

But tonight is about my main man Mosby.

Really? Why?

Oh, Ted, tell Ranjit

the huge thing that's happening tonight.

Barney's getting engaged.

Ranjit out.

Bar-Barney's getting engaged?

He asked me to keep it a secret,

but I thought you deserved to know...

in case you wanted to do something about it.

Do you?

Do you, Robin?

Ranjit, a little privacy, please?

Sorry, not listening.

Nice, uneven floor there, Ted.

Lily, are you drunk?

What? I... I'm on vacation.

I may have cracked open the minibar to celebrate.

Who invited the narc?

Hey, listen, I know that

you miss Marvin, but it's not like we could've brought him

to a black tie event anyway.

Yeah, these parents are so lame and-and clingy.