Parks and Recreation

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T?

LOOK, I AM THROWING A FAREWELL PARTY

FOR MY BEST FRIEND, ANN PERKINS,

AND IF SHE CASUALLY MENTIONED

THREE YEARS AGO THAT SHE THOUGHT INDOOR FIREWORKS WOULD BE COOL,

THEN GUESS WHAT?

YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME INDOOR FIREWORKS.

TONIGHT'S BIGGEST SURPRISE IS FIVE YEARS IN THE MAKING.

IT ALL GOES BACK TO WHEN I FIRST MET MY BEST FRIEND.

I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT

THE ABANDONED LOT ON SULLIVAN STREET.

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET THIS THING FIXED FOR MONTHS,

AND IT'S GOVERNMENT-OWNED

AND YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

- I WILL HELP YOU. - IS THAT A PROMISE?

IT'S MORE THAN A PROMISE.

IT'S A PINKY PROMISE.

THAT PROMISE LAUNCHED A FRIENDSHIP SO GRAND

IT TAKES 103 SCRAPBOOKS TO CAPTURE IT.

I HAVE SECRETLY ARRANGED TO OFFICIALLY BREAK GROUND

ON PAWNEE COMMONS AT MIDNIGHT,

FULFILLING MY PINKY PROMISE THAT I MADE FIVE YEARS AGO.

OH, ICE CREAM SANDWICH TASTE TEST!

THAT WAS OUR BIGGEST FIGHT.

- HEY, KNOPE. - HAROLD.

- YOU'RE BREAKING GROUND ON THE PAWNEE COMMONS TONIGHT?

PUBLIC WORKS NEVER SIGNED OFF ON THAT.

- LOOK, YOUR OFFICE WAS GIVING ME A HARD TIME,

SO I HAD TO CALL IN A FEW FAVORS.

- I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE GO OVER MY HEAD.

- UNDERSTOOD. I WILL MAKE A NOTE OF THAT.

WOULD YOU LIKE A TREAT?

I RUN THAT DEPARTMENT

AND I DO NOT APPRECIATE--

DAMN, THAT'S REALLY GOOD. - RIGHT?

THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF THESE AT THE PARTY.

YOU SHOULD COME BY. - I KNO--

I GET IT. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

AND I STILL--IS THERE A LITTLE CRUNCH IN THERE?

- HAZELNUT. - OOH.

OOH, RIGHT?

SEE YOU TONIGHT.

- OKAY, WELL, LET'S GO SET UP THIS PARTY.

APRIL, THANK YOU.

I KNOW YOU MAY TEASE ANN, BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE

I CAN TELL THAT YOU REALLY CARE.

- ANN'S LEAVING TOWN AND SAYING PAINFUL GOOD-BYES TO LOVED ONES.

GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

*

- THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR HELPING ME WITH THESE BOXES.

I'M JUST A LITTLE BEHIND BECAUSE EVERY TIME I START, I GET--

A LITTLE EMOTIONAL.

- HEY, THAT BOX HAS MY NAME ON IT.

- HEY, THIS ONE HAS MY NAME ON IT.

- THIS ONE HAS PLATES' NAME ON IT.

- YOU HAVE JUST FOUND YOUR BUDDY BOXES.

EACH BOX CONTAINS A MEMENTO OF OUR FRIENDSHIP.

I WAS GONNA GIVE THEM TO YOU LATER,

BUT THERE IS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT.

FUN PUN ALERT.

A BRONZED HAMBURGER.

- IT'S FROM OUR TURKEY VERSUS BEEF COOK-OFF, REMEMBER?

YOU WERE A WORTHY ADVERSARY.

- I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED A REGULAR HAMBURGER FOR EATING,

BUT THIS IS VERY NICE.

- 2008 INDIANA STATE AUDIT SPREADSHEETS?

MAN, THAT YEAR WAS INSANE!

- THAT WAS THE YEAR YOU WENT FROM BEING AN AUDITOR

TO A LEGEND.

WHOA!

- A PICTURE OF ME OFFICIATING LESLIE AND BEN'S WEDDING.

AND LOOK, YOU CAN JUST ABOUT SEE MY HEAD.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

SNAKEJUICE!

I THOUGHT THESE WERE DESTROYED BY THE FDA.

- I DID HAVE TO GO TO A VERY SEEDY LOCATION TO FIND IT,

BUT NOW I KNOW WHERE TO GO TO PLACE A BET ON HORSE FIGHTING.

- OKAY, DON'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT THE GROUNDBREAKING TO ANN.

REPEAT THAT BACK TO ME.

- TELL ANN ABOUT THE GROUNDBREAKING,

FRAME ANN FOR MURDER,

RELEASE A DEADLY VIRUS INTO THE WATER SUPPLY.

- GOOD. OH!

BON VOYAGE, ANN.

MY GOD, THIS IS AMAZING.

THAT'S SPARKLING CIDER.

- WHY IS THERE A NEW YEAR'S EVE COUNTDOWN CLOCK

AND THE EASTER BUNNY?

- I DON'T KNOW WHEN WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE

TO VISIT EACH OTHER, SO JUST TO BE SAFE

THIS PARTY IS A CELEBRATION OF EVERY EVENT

THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN THIS YEAR.

YOUR BIRTHDAY, NEW YEAR'S, CHINESE NEW YEAR'S, FLAG DAY.

AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A LESLIE KNOPE PARTY

'CAUSE A LESLIE KNOPE PARTY IS ACTUALLY 30 PARTIES.

- KNOPE, YOU HAVE OUT-KNOPED YOURSELF.

SEEMS LIKE THE PARTY'S DYING DOWN. WEIRD.

ANN, YOU PROBABLY WANNA HEAD TO MICHIGAN FOREVER,

SO I SNUCK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND PACKED A BAG FOR YOU. BYE.

- THIS IS JUST A BUNCH OF BRAS AND KNIVES.

AND LOOSE ONIONS.

OKAY, PARTY!

DON'T DRINK! HAVE FUN!

- HEY, SO WE HAVE A LITTLE FAREWELL GIFT FOR YOU.

WE ALL PITCHED IN AND GOT YOU A GIFT CARD

FROM THAT HOME STORE, "POTS AND PANS."

- WE HAVE BEEN ON THE PROWL FOR SOME AMAZING POTS.

- WELL, THAT CARD'S FOR THREE PANS.

EITHER WAY, THIS IS GREAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE SHOULD GET TO THE GOOD-BYE PARTY,

ALTHOUGH I KNOW IT'S MOSTLY FOR ANN.

- YEAH, BUT THERE'S, LIKE, ONE CORNER FOR YOU

AND IT'S JUST CAROB COOKIES AND BERRIES.

CAROB COOKIES AND BERRIES

ARE LITERALLY MY FAVORITE DESSERT ALTERNATIVE.

I'LL GO GET CHANGED.

- MAN, HE PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO OUR PRESENTS.

I FEEL KINDA BAD JUST GETTING HIM A GIFT CARD.

- I ALSO SHOOK HIS HAND. TWICE.

ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT WOULD BE EXCESSIVE.

- LET'S ALL PUT OUR HEADS TOGETHER AND BRAINSTORM.

WE GOTTA SEND THIS DUDE OFF WITH THE PERFECT GIFT.

I SAY WE START WITH THE THREE "C's,"

CASHMERE, CONCERT TICKETS, CABOODLES OF CASH.

- I FEEL LIKE THOSE ARE PERFECT GIFTS FOR YOU.

- THOSE ARE PERFECT GIFTS FOR ANYONE.

UGH, I WISH YOU GUYS WERE DONNA!

- I'M 100% SURE THAT I WILL NOT MEET

ANOTHER DONNA MEAGLE IN MICHIGAN.

I'M GONNA MISS YOU.

- YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA MISS YOU TOO, PERKINS.

BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE DATING POOL,

YOU KNOW I'M GONNA RUN THIS TOWN, RIGHT?

OOH.

- OH, YEAH, YOU DO NOT WANNA GO DOWN THAT ROAD.

TRUST ME, I TRIED.

HI, STEPHEN.

HEY, ANN.

SUPER CUTE BABY BUMP. - THANKS.

GOOD LOOKING OUT.

HEY, RON, HAVE YOU SEEN APRIL?

- I'VE BEEN MOSTLY FOCUSED ON THESE RIBS.

BY THE WAY, YOU'RE OUT OF EASTER HAM AND THANKSGIVING TURKEY.

GREAT PARTY.

HEY.

ARE YOU ON THE LOT?

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

UH, NOT REALLY.

PUBLIC WORKS PUT UP A GIANT PADLOCK ON THE FENCE

AND A SIGN THAT SAYS "NO TRESPASSING."

- THAT PROBABLY DOESN'T APPLY TO US.

- THERE'S ALSO A SIGN THAT SAYS "ESPECIALLY LESLIE KNOPE."

- WELL, LESLIE KNOPE IS A VERY COMMON NAME.

THERE'S A PROFESSOR IN COPENHAGEN NAMED LESLIE KNOPE.

THEY PROBABLY MEAN HIM.

DO THEY MEAN THE PROFESSOR?

- YEAH, THERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU ALSO.

AND TWO HUGE SECURITY GUARDS.

HOLY MOTHER OF MALIA!

AND SASHA.

I LOVE THEM BOTH EQUALLY.

OKAY, IT'S THAT STUPID HAROLD WHO'S BEHIND THIS.

GET HERE AND WE WILL MAKE A PLAN.

- HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO DO THIS?

UNTIL I SAY SO, ORIN!

.

- LESLIE CAN'T WATCH ANYTHING WITH JULIE ANDREWS IN IT

BEFORE BEDTIME BECAUSE IT GETS HER TOO HYPER.

OKAY.

IF CHRIS GETS CRANKY AROUND NOON,

JUST STUFF SOME CHIA SEEDS INTO A FIG--

WORKS EVERY TIME.

AWESOME, THANK YOU.

WOW, WE REALLY PICKED SOME INTENSE PEOPLE

TO SPEND OUR LIVES WITH, HUH? - YEAH.

- WHERE'S LESLIE? I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A WHILE.

OH, SHE'S JUST RUNNING AROUND

TRYING TO PULL OFF AN ELABORATE, THOUGHTFUL SURPRISE FOR YOU.

- OF COURSE. - WHERE'S CHRIS?

- I TOLD HIM THAT ONE HEADLIGHT BY THE WALLFLOWERS

ISN'T "DANCING" MUSIC AND HE SAID "NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE."

OF COURSE.

- DUDE, ANN, YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REMEMBERED?

WE USED TO DATE.

- YEAH, WE LIVED TOGETHER FOR TWO YEARS.

I KNOW, IT'S CRAZY, RIGHT?

ANYWAYS, YOU'RE THE BEST.

HAVE FUN IN MEXICO.

- HAROLD, IT IS LESLIE KNOPE AGAIN.

I KNOW YOU ARE SCREENING MY CALLS,

BUT IF YOU COULD CALL ME BAC--

AND HIS VOICEMAIL IS FULL.

DID YOU HAVE ANY LUCK?

FLIPPED THROUGH THE BYLAWS.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO.

- WHAT IS THE POINT OF BEING MARRIED

TO A CITY MANAGER IF HE CAN'T WIELD UNFETTERED POWER

TO CRUSH MY ENEMIES?

- HOPEFULLY THERE ARE A FEW OTHER REASONS.