The Great O'Malley

Find that half-baked news-hawk Pinky Holden.

Pinky Holden?

He is right here. Yes, sir.

The Captain wants to see you.

It looks like I'm going to get a special story.

Come in.

Nos morituri te salutamus .

In case your Latin is a bit rusty.

'We, who are about to die, salute you'.

Sit down. I want to read you something.

'Jackson Street yesterday was the scene of a stirring battle between officer ..'

'James Aloysius O'Malley, the blue-eyed terror of the 7th Precinct'.

'And Signora Theresa Bacciagalupe, housewife and amateur horticulturist'.

'Who weighed in at 310 pounds'.

'The police officer objected to the flowerpots ..'

'Which Miss Signora had placed on her fire escape to brighten her drab view'.

'The good lady's aesthetic soul was so outraged ..'

'By Officer O'Malley's callous indifference to beauty .. '

'That she promptly made him a present of the pots at a distance of 40 feet'.

'However. O'Malley, courageous as ever when it comes to enforcing the law ..'

'Succeeded in making the arrest'.

'It is reported that O'Malley's only statement was ..'

'There is nothing more beautiful than a badge'.

Isn't that cute? - Cute?

What you doing? Making the department ridiculous?

Be reasonable. After all, one little yarn ..

One?

That's the fifteenth story I've read of O'Malley in the past three months.

Why pick on one policeman because he's so dumb ..

He thinks he can run the whole world on a police manual.

O'Malley is good copy.

He is an up-and-coming patrolman.

He is going to be up and going when you get through with him.

The department will be a laughing stock.

It's not our fault the city ordinances haven't been changed ..

Since they ruled cows off the street.

But it's your fault for keeping the spotlight of publicity turned on us.

Will you do me a favor and lay off those freak stories?

And particularly O'Malley.

It will break my heart if I do that.

I just love to watch him pull out that manual.

Hey, you.

What's the idea of the chimes?

They're nice. They make a lot of noise. It's good for business.

Bad for the ears. It wakes up the boys in the pool room.

It's a good sound.

Sweet. Just like the cows make.

They take me back to the old country.

They'll take you to jail if you don't change them. Now listen to this.

'Article 12. Section 134'.

'No tradesman engaged in the buying and selling of merchandise of any kind ..'

'Shall use or employ any bell exceeding six ounces in weight ..'

'Attached to his vehicle or horse no more than three bells at any one time'.

Please. Me no understand.

Once more.

'Article 12. Section 134'.

The law says you can only have 3 bells and they can't weigh more than 6 ounces.

What law?

The New York City law. Where did you think it was, Naples?

Me an honest man. Me no break the law.

Me got eleven kids. - And six bells.

So. Nice. What's the matter? Good for business.

Do you want to get pinched? - What for? What I do?

Take down three of those bells.

But .. - Go on now.

If I catch you with more than three bells, I'll run you in. Get going.

Alright, Alright.

I'll pull them down.

What's the matter with you?

Is he looking at us? - What's wrong this time?

I fixed everything. Just like he told us.

Hey, Nick.

Come here.

That's still 5 feet 7 inches. You haven't fixed it yet.

I fix when I have money.

You're breaking the law. I warned you three times.

It hurts anyone?

It might. I don't know about it. I don't make the laws.

You are violating articles 5, 6 and 42.

Come on.

Articles 5, 6 and 42.

What's this all about?

If Your Honor pleases the ordinance reads ..

'Shop awnings without vertical support shall be permitted'.

'But can't extend 6 feet from the street line and be 6 feet beyond the sidewalk'.

Thank you.

What's the charge?

The awning is only 5 feet 7 inches and is clear above the sidewalk.

You gave this man sufficient warning, Officer O'Malley?

Three times, Your Honor.

Why haven't you had it fixed?

It costs twelve dollars. I don't have twelve dollars.

Business is bad. Very bad.

Please. What's wrong?

That awning has been like that ever since I had it put up six years ago.

How does it happen you didn't notice this violation until now?

I only discovered the ordinance three weeks ago, Your Honor.

Are you in the habit of discovering ordinances?

It is my duty, Your Honor.

I thought the ordinances were made to be enforced.

Did you ever hear of such a thing as 'justice tempered with mercy'?

I am an officer, Your Honor. Not a judge.

You're a very efficient officer, Mr O'Malley.

Unfortunately the law is quite specific.

You're fined ten dollars.

And ten dollars each day until the ordinance is complied with.

But I can't pay.

I only make enough to buy food for my family.

Maybe later when business is better.

Sentence suspended until business is better.

Thank you.

Yes, yes. I know.

Can't you fellows ever realize you're not policemen just to make pinches?

I warn my men repeatedly about making unnecessary arrests.

You spend so much time digging up ordinances.

So you'll have something to hang on to harmless people trying to make a living.

But you haven't time to arrest real criminals.

Who are you talking about?

I might have known it.

That guy's brain is run with nothing but city ordinances.

He spends all his time studying his manual.

He picks laws out of the air from waste baskets, from graveyards.

He thinks of things that were enacted when Times Square was a hog ranch.

Yes.

You know, Tim. As many times I've read the manual, here's one I never noticed.

Chapter 14. Article 22. Section 230.

'No bootblack stand shall be licensed or operated with more than three chairs'.

Listen, you law-enforcing flatfoot. Take that south side of yours and ..

Fit it to the seat of every bootblack stand on your beat.

But shut your trap now.

O'Malley. Report to the captain.

Okay, Sergeant.

Come in.

You sent for me, sir? - Yes. Sit down.

You're a good copper, O'Malley.

Thank you, sir. - Too good.

Your father was a good cop too.

He was different from you. He seldom made arrests.

He let his two fists and his nightstick take the place of a jail sentence.

It might be a good idea if we used some of his methods more often nowadays.

Rats don't like clubs. - Now wait a minute.

Times have changed, O'Malley. Cops aren't bruisers anymore.

They are 'Peace Officers'.

Think hard now.

Peace Officers.

Men whose job is to protect the honest, law-abiding citizen from the crooks.

Yes, sir.

But we need the people on our side. We want their confidence, their respect.

Yes, sir.

We'll never succeed unless you and others like you develop a little tact.

And perhaps a sense of humor.

Who, me sir?

Yes .. even you.

There's more to your job than just handing out tickets like confetti.

Yes, sir.

You have to remember people are hard-up nowadays.

Fines for minor violations often take the food out of their kid's mouths.

But I only enforce the law, sir.

I never gave out a phony ticket in my life.

I know.

The trouble with you is you hand out tickets for laws nobody can remember.

With your eagle eye you can probably ticket everybody in town.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

What I try to get through your thick head is ..

That you've made yourself a pain in the neck to everybody on your beat.

You're unreasonable, arbitrary and inhuman.

To call you a 'Peace Officer' makes the English language yelp for mercy.

My record is okay, sir.

Your record?

That's all you care about.

You need heart, O'Malley.

You need something in your veins besides city ordinances.

I'm asking you to be a regular human being.

I do my duty, sir.

Get out.

Thank you, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes. It's your father. God rest his soul.

More than once he stood up to this Cromwell and told him where to get off.

You'll be doing the same or you're no son of his.

I wouldn't take it to heart, Jim. You've made a fine record.

Yes, Father. I'm going to keep it that way.

If they don't like the laws, let them change them.

He says you give out too many tickets?

Come right in, Mrs Flaherty.

Can you spare a quarter pound of butter? - Yes. Indeed.

I'll give you the two eggs I borrowed this morning.

Sure. I never gave it a thought.

Good evening, Father. It's glad I am to see you here.

Mrs O'Malley was good enough to ask me to stay to dinner.

And a fine one she cooks. And you, James.

You look more like your father every day.

The eyes.

The chin.

The spitting image. I swear.

We were just talking about his father.

Do you remember the night ..

My husband threw Flanagan's beer barrels off the sidewalk into the saloon?