House of Cards

An emergency cabinet meeting. Sends a thrill of anticipation down the spine.

Someone's in trouble. Someone's going to get it in the neck. But not us, eh?

I'm going to read you a statement which I shall be issuing later.

I must ask all of you not to reveal the contents of this message to anyone

before it is officially released.

Thank you.

"There has been a spate of allegations about my business affairs and those of my family.

"I have consistently stated that I've done nothing of which I should be ashamed.

"The implied allegation is one of the most serious kind for a holder of public office,

"that I have used confidential information available to me to enrich my family.

"I have asked the Cabinet Secretary to undertake an independent investigation.

"I'm confident it will establish my innocence beyond any shadow of a doubt.

"The integrity of the office of Prime Minister has been brought into question.

"It is my first duty to protect the integrity of that office.

"Therefore I will today ask the permission of Her Majesty the Queen

"to relinquish the office of Prime Minister as soon as a successor can be chosen."

Thank you for your patience.

I should also like to take this opportunity of thanking you for your friendship

and your loyalty during this difficult time.

Those of you, that is, who feel those words apply to you.

Francis, I should like to thank you for your valiant efforts.

You and I know how much I owe you.

I'm only sorry the odds against us were too heavy.

Prime Minister.

Thank you. That's all.

Heart-warming to know one's efforts are appreciated. They've been considerable.

If not, perhaps, entirely valid.

Not feeling guilty, I hope.

If you have pangs of pity, crush them.

Grind them under your heel like cigar butts. I've done the country a favour.

He didn't have the brain or the heart or the stomach to rule Great Britain.

A nice enough man, but there was no bottom to him.

His deepest need was that people should like him. An admirable trait, that.

In a spaniel or a whore.

Not, I think, in a Prime Minister.

And we've done him a favour, too, if he did but know it.

He was in the trap and screaming from the moment he took office.

We've simply put the poor bastard out of his agony.

"After life's fitful fever, he sleeps well."

So let's not indulge ourselves in any squeamishness.

All right?

Because this...is just the start.

You saw them. You saw their eyes aglitter round the table.

Samuels, Woolton, Harold Earle, McKenzie.

They will have to understand that I have their measure, that I put the stick about.

I watch them jump.

Excuse me. I have to make a phone call.

One does feel that poor old Hal deserves a proper send-off.

Number 10 Downing Street.

Prime Minister Collingridge left here in the direction of Buckingham Palace.

According to unconfirmed reports, he is about to tender his resignation

to Her Majesty the Queen.

He held the post for the shortest period of time of any Prime Minister this century.

Prestatyn Powell, 10 Downing Street...

Urquhart.

Ah, yes, Mattie. I had a feeling you might telephone.

Well, let's wait for the official statement, shall we?

Come to the house at six.

Yes, my house. We won't be disturbed.

All right. Thanks. I'll see you then. Goodbye.

- Mattie! - What?

It's coming through.

"Spate of allegations..." Blah, blah, blah.

"The Cabinet Secretary will investigate.

"This will establish my innocence beyond any shadow of a doubt." Blah, blah, blah.

"Integrity of the office." Yes! He is going. It's official.

Not running away? Bollocks. He must have done it. Silly bugger.

Doesn't mean he's guilty. He could've been framed.

Framed? Framed?!

Oh, grow up, Mattie. Everyone is sillier than you imagine.

Dickhead. Why not get an advance on his autobiography if he wanted money?

- Quite. - What's going on?! Got anyone in Downing Street?

- He's in the country. - Chequers?

- No. Undisclosed address. - Sod it!

- You told him nothing of the scandal? - No.

Unfortunately, he saw the news on TV.

As I said on the phone, he's distressed. Suicidally distressed.

- He hasn't tried to...? - He couldn't. We watch our patients.

But he's talked about it. He thinks he's responsible. He has alcoholic blackouts.

- You can't commit a fraud in a blackout. - I've no idea how he did that.

- What are you implying? - Nothing. We see all sorts here.

I don't judge. I try to make people well.

Your brother, as I say, is very distressed.

- If you are able to reassure him... - Just show me where he is.

In here.

- Charlie? - What?

Hal.

Oh, Hal...

What's going to happen to us?

Are we going to go to prison?

Listen, I'll tell them it was all my fault.

It wasn't your fault, Charlie. It wasn't my fault.

We'll work it out. Don't worry.

I've cocked everything up for you, Hal.

I'm bloody glad it's over. I just...

I'm just so bloody glad I don't have to fight those bastards any more.

Can I trust you, Mattie?

- You know you can. - Yes, I do. I've changed my mind.

Between you and me, I think he's guilty.

Not just the evidence. He gave in so easily.

We were ready to defend him. He gave in.

- Will there be criminal charges? - I doubt it. No one wants to hound him.

I think an investigation will find there's not enough to justify prosecution.

Let the poor man crawl away and lick his wounds away from prying eyes.

I take it that's not to be attributed to you.

Everything we say tonight is unattributable. Confidential.

Not even to be whispered as a secret to your favourite lover.

- I don't have a lover. - Well... Good.

My editor wants me to find out about the front-runners.

I'm sure you could tell me who they are.

- Samuels, Woolton, Earle, McKenzie. - Very good.

You know you'd run rings round them.

Do I? You're not trying to tempt me, are you?

Yes, I think I am.

You're the only senior politician I have any respect for.

If you do run, I'd do anything I could to help you.

- Would you, Mattie? - I think you know that.

You know I'd do anything you ask me to.

Not the words of an independent woman.

Oh, but they are. I'm not anyone's toy.

I don't get chosen. I choose. And I'm not interested in anyone's taboos about age.

I wanted you the first time I met you.

My wife went down to the country this afternoon.

Yes.

I have an engagement at nine. I can't cancel it.

I don't mind. It's only seven. I'm seeing someone myself later.

You'll never be able to speak of this.

Why should I? I don't want to.

It's nothing to do with anyone else.

Mattie...

I don't know what to call you. There's nothing I can call you.

- You can call me Francis. - I can't.

I don't think of you as Francis. It's stupid.

You can hardly call me Chief Whip.

I want to call you Daddy.

What?

I want...to call you...

..Daddy.

- Same again, sir? - Might as well.

- More poppadoms? - No. I'll order.

Let me see.

Butter chicken. Saag bhaji.

Cucumber raita. Elbow the fried rice and add a naan.

- How did you guess? - Easy. You always order that.

Maybe you'd like different music. I've got Joe Cocker.

Oh, no. Definitely not. There are some things a gentleman never discusses.

Quick as you can, please, driver. I'm late.

Testing, testing. One, two.

Thursday, October 21st. 6.30. On my way to see Deep Throat.

Hello. This is Mattie Storin. Is Mr John Krajewski there, please?

Yes, the butter chicken man.

Oh, right. Thank you. Goodbye.

- Can I trust you? - You know you can.

Yes, I think I do know that.

Interesting times, Francis.

Interesting times.

Come on, come on!

In China it's a curse - interesting times.

Is that so? I guess Collingridge would drink to that. What an asshole.

Not much fight left in this guy. Another bottle.

- You got what you wanted? - Absolutely.

Doesn't look much to me.

Now, Francis...

What I wanna know is... are you gonna stand for the leadership?

Ben! It's too soon to say. The situation is delicate. Let's keep our voices down.

All right. Let me put it this way. Do you want it?

Yes, I do. I'm the best man for the job.

You sure as shit better be.

Saturday in the "Chronicle", we're doing a feature on the probable runners.

Mattie Storin's doing it. Clever little kid. Do you know her?

I think so. Yes. Yes, of course I do.

She tried to mug me in Brighton. I gave her something to cry about.

What this piece is gonna say, whether she likes it or not,

is that Samuels has taken a lead in the polls.

He's telling the world he's got it sewn up.

How do you know he's taken the lead?

I don't know if he has. I'm just telling you what we're putting in the paper.

That'll irritate the shit out of people.

Yes, Ben, I think it would. My colleagues would react badly to such arrogance.

You need time. We gotta build you up.

Back-benchers may like you, but they're not gonna vote for Mr Francis Nobody.

- Am I right? - Yes, you are.

Anything you can do to slow things down?

Well, Humphrey Newlands will run the election. He depends on my advice.

The timing is in the hands of the PM.

And he's taking your advice, I hear.

- If only he'd consulted me earlier... - I know, I know. Tragic, right?

Now, listen to me, Francis. I'll be straight with you.

You're my man, but I could do business with Patrick Woolton. I know I could.

Pat Woolton as PM would not be a bad result for Ben Landless.

If you can't make it up with the leaders by this time next month, I'll dump ya.

But if you can come good with a late run, I'll put the whole operation behind you.

And I'll expect your lifelong goddamn gratitude.

Do I make myself clear?

Eminently clear, Ben.

- Hi. - Morning.

Your piece looks good. When did you send it?

Two this morning. Oh, sorry, John.

It's all right. I had time to do some thinking.

Me, too. I was silly, John. Collingridge framed.