Deadbeat - Second Season

Chip please?

Ugh, if this thing can eat,

does that mean it can also...

Shit.

This cannot be right!

- What's wrong? - Oh, nothing.

I'm just, uh, crunching

some numbers over here

and if my calculations are correct,

it is way worse than we ever imagined.

Sue, I might have to get a job.

Ew!

- Blob! Ah, ahh! - Sorry!

What... what are you doing, man?

What are you doing? We discussed this!

No shitting in front of each other's girlfriends.

I thought we were on the same page, buddy.

Go finish up out the window.

God!

Girlfriend?

Well...

I... is it? Are we?

Kevin, I'd love to be your girlfriend.

Really?

Mhm!

All right!

Hey, why don't we do something fun

this weekend?

Yeah, I would love to, Sue,

but I literally can't afford to do anything.

Mm. How much money do you have?

Ten cents.

Kevin, that's a penny.

Oh, damn it!

I have to redo all this now.

Wait, I have an idea!

You are a god damn genius, Sue.

A real G-D-G. Woohoo!

All right, you keep your eyes out

for the boys in blue,

I'm gonna go grab the cheddar.

What? No, Kevin, it's a wishing well.

A... a what?

A wishing well.

Take the penny in your hand,

close your eyes, make a wish,

throw it in, and your wish

will come true.

Okay...

Okay, now what?

Now we wait.

No, not here.

- Not here? - It'll happen later.

Eh.

The s'mores on the pizza!

Nice to meet ya!

I'm gonna eat-za you!

Herro?

Yeah, this is he. What?

Yeah, I'll be right there.

S'mores on the pizza!

Nice to meet ya!

Thank you for responding semi-promptly,

Mr. Pacalioglu.

Yeah, well, you know, to be fair,

you called me literally right

as I was sliding a s'mizza in the oven,

so that's kinda on you.

As I'm sure you're aware,

the Dalworf is one of the finest hotels

in Manhattan.

Our guests expect

the highest standards of luxury.

Any dip in that quality, however small,

is an absolute travesty!

And a smear on the good name

of the Dalworf Hotel!

It's unacceptable;

this is the Dalworf for fuck's sake!

I do apologize;

we're under a lot of stress at the moment.

It's okay; no apology necessary.

The penthouse suite is being haunted.

It's an absolute nightmare in there,

and we have a guest arriving in 48 hours.

I'm willing to give you

500 dollars right now

to get rid of this ghost

before our VIP guest arrives

at the end of the weekend.

VIP, huh? Anybody I know?

I'm not at liberty to say who.

That would be uncouth.

Is it Mayor Meyer?

Trust me, you'll never guess.

Is it James McAvoy?

Just get it done.

Gotcha.

Herrooo!?

Herro?

Fancy hotel ghost?

Just got a call from the, uh, fancy hotel.

They said you were up here

being kind of a dick.

Hey, dick!

I'm not sure how you were being a dick.

This place looks awesome.

Boo!

Oh, my God. Oh, Sue!

What are you... what are you doing here?

Well, I was thinking about that vacation,

and you need money, so I thought

I'd kill two birds with one stone.

Okay, so there are ghost birds in here?

- No! - Where are they?

I'm the ghost!

I'm the one haunting the suite!

- Oh. - This way you get paid,

and we get the suite to ourselves

the whole weekend.

Sue, that is stealing.

Also, it's fucking brilliant.

- Yeah! - Right?

And, check it out.

Oh my God.

Is that what I think it is?

Yes.

Fancy hotel bathrobe.

Oh my gosh! Oh, Sue!

Robes like this are for kings and princes!

And now I'm one of them.

Oh, it's like wearing a jacket

made out of lotion!

Oh, Sue.

We are gonna have so much fun!

Yeah!

What's that? Is that the door?

I'll get it.

Hi...

Uh, oh.

Hi, can I help you?

Yes, young man. I believe you can.

Okay, listen.

I... I don't know anything

about Amish culture,

but if you died on one of your, like,

Rumsteiner things...

Holy shit!

It's Abraham Lincoln!

- What? - That's right!

I must say, I do not appreciate

you two throwing this in a fountain.

Yeah. That was her idea.

I'm a... listen, uh, Your Excellency.

I would be honored to help you finish

your unfinished business,

but can we, you know, like,

pencil it in on Monday?

Kevin!

Will you please excuse us for a moment,

Mr. President?

Certainly.

Just one second.

Kevin, he's the President

of the United States.

He, like, brought the country together,

and you know, freed the slaves?

Do you have any idea how hard it would be

to help Abraham Lincoln solve

his unfinished business?

Oh my God,

you want me to end all racism?

What? Uh, heavens no.

You want the complete reunification

of the north and the south?

No, no, no. Nothing like that.

That's a pipe dream, young lady.

I'd just kinda like to see the end

of that play.

Ohh.

I've loved theater since I was

but a young boy in Illinois.

Back then, the fields of corn were my stage.

I used to make little actor figurines

out of twigs and cow shit.

But alas, being an actor in those days,

well, it was quite difficult.

Truth be told, and I always tell it,

I didn't have the discipline.

So I decided to become president.

Oh!

And then I saved the Union,

freed the slaves, yada, yada,

you get it.

Okay, so your only real regret

is that you never got to see the end

of the play where this dude killed you?

It was the theatrical event of the season!

I waited months for those tickets.

And I would have seen the end, too,