13 Going on 30

Move it, dorkus.

Okay, I think you're next. I'll take your ticket.

Come right around this way. Keep your back straight.

Put your books down on your lap.

Now, look right up at the camera, okay? Nice smile. Here we go.

Let me focus right over here. Okay. Get you in.

That's good.

Swing around this way just a little bit, Gina.

-It's Jenna. -Look over here, Gina.

It's Jenna!

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

I've had enough already.

Hey, Jenna.

Matt, please. No more pictures.

Come on. It's your 1 3th birthday. We gotta document it.

-Hi, Tom-Tom. -Hey, Jenna.

Hi, Beaver. How's everything at the dam?

-So how'd yours come out, Rink? -Not so good.

Yeah, mine aren't so hot either.

-Tom-Tom, yours are great! -Yours are the best.

God, you're so photogenic.

I'll meet you out front.

Do whatever you want. It's not like she needs a play-by-play.

-Freakazoid. -See you.

Jenna, could I talk to you a tiny sec?

I told Chris Grandy me and the Six Chicks were going to your party.

-And he said he wanted to come with. -Really?

Yeah, it's too bad we can't make it, because we really wanted to.

-Didn't we, girls? -Totally.

-So, so much. -We're so sorry.

Miss Measly's up our butts with this group project...

...and Chris is gonna help us out...

...so I guess he can't come either.

-I could write your report for you. -Fabuloso.

You know, I can't believe you invited those clones.

They're my friends.

Six Chicks are not your friends, okay?

Well, almost. And someday I'm gonna be a Six Chick.

There's six of them. That's the point. There can't be a seventh Six Chick.

It's just mathematically impossible.

You're cooler than they are. They're unoriginal.

I don't wanna be original, Matty, I wanna be cool.

-Want some Razzles? -Razzles are for kids.

Exactly.

-Arrivederci. -Au revoir.

-Hey, sweetie. -Happy birthday!

Tell us about your new life as a teenager.

What did you do? Are you wearing a bra?

-Go away! -Oh, honey, what's wrong?

Wayne. Self-image.

-Jenna, it's going to be all right. -lt is not, Mom! Look at me!

-This is not okay. This is fatal. -It's not fatal, honey. It's realistic.

I hate my life.

You don't look like girls in Poise magazine...

...but you're beautiful in your own way.

I don't wanna be beautiful in my own way.

I wanna look like these people.

Oh, those aren't people, honey. Those are models.

"Thirty, flirty and thriving. Why the 30s are the best years of your life."

I wanna be 30.

Well, you will be, honey.

But right now you're my beautiful 1 3-year-old.

-Happy birthday! -Oh, my God.

This is just part one of your present. I got something else to give you later.

What is it?

You know how you always wanted a Barbie Dream House?

Well, I decided to make you your own Jenna Dream House.

-You made all this? Oh, Matty. -Yeah.

See, that's you in your bubble bath, reading your favorite magazine.

And there's your bedroom, with a massive stereo...

...and every record ever made.

The good ones.

And there's that bum Rick Springfield loafing on the couch.

And there I am, to make sure the creep keeps his hands to himself.

Oh, almost forgot. Wishing dust.

It says, "This wishing dust knows what's in your heart of hearts.

It'll make all your dreams come true."

They're here.

What do we do?

Oh, my God. Matt, I'm just gonna put this away, okay?

So there's room to dance.

Put some music on.

Dad, you promised you were gonna stay upstairs. Go!

Hi, guys. The party's downstairs.

Fabuloso.

-What is this? -I'm not sure. It's Matt's.

Sorry, Beave-head. Majority rules.

Narrow, man. Narrow, hopeless people.

-Freak. -Robot.

I'm gonna go next door and get my Casio.

Do whatever you want, Matt. It's not like I need a play-by-play.

See you, loser.

Hey, I have an idea, girls.

Let's play Seven Minutes in Heaven.

You can go first, because you're the birthday girl.

How does that one go, again?

Well, you go in the closet, and some lucky guy's gonna go in there...

...and do whatever he wants with you for seven whole minutes.

And guess who wants to go first.

-Who? -Chris Grandy.

-No way. -Way.

Before I forget, where's our project proposal?

-On the table. -Thanks.

Remember, no peeking. Keep that blindfold on.

And just so you know, Chris loves going for second base.

Let's go. I think I can get my brother to buy us some beer.

-I got the cheez doodles. -Wait, give me that drink.

Thank you. Leave it, George. Come on.

-What's going on? -Jenna's waiting for you in the closet.

I thought you weren't gonna come.

Where are you?

Oh, Chris.

-It's not Chris, it's Matt. -What are you doing here?

-Where's Chris? -He's gone. Everybody left.

-What'd you do? -Nothing!

-Yes, you did! -I just went to get my Casio!

-Get out! -Wait! Jenna, let me talk to you!

-Get out! No! -Jenna, please, just come out!

I hate you! I hate me! I hate everybody!

-Jenna, what are you talking about? -I wanna be 30!

Just let me play you this song, okay? It'll make you feel better.

I wanna be 30. Thirty and flirty and thriving.

I wanna be 30. Thirty and flirty and thriving.

Thirty and flirty and thriving.

Thirty and flirty and thriving. Thirty and flirty and thriving.

Thirty and flirty and thriving. Thirty and flirty and thriving.

Thirty and flirty and thriving.

Mom?

Mom?

Dad?

What is happening?

Oh, what is happening? What is going on?

"Jenna Rink."

"Jenna Rink. Jenna Rink, Jenna Rink."

I live here.

-Hi. Sorry we missed your call. -Dad?

Well, not that sorry, because we're in the Caribbean.

So we'll be back on the 18th, so call us then. Have a good day.

You went on a cruise without me?

Oh, this is a dream. This is a really weird dream.

-Hey, sweet bottom! -Oh, my God.

I know you're there! And my parents are totally gonna be home any minute!

Hey, where's the conditioner?

-You're naked! -Well, not yet.

You could join me if you want.

Sweet bottom!

Can you hear that music?

Jenna? Can you hurry up a little bit, please?

He made a commitment. Jenna? Can you come over here?

I don't care if you have to grab him by his testicles...

...I want him in New York in 1 2 hours.

He needs to be at the party. Hold on a second.

-Get in the car. -I don't get in the car with strangers.

Get in the car. We're gonna be late.

-I don't know you. -Just get in the car.

-Not with strangers! -You're being paranoid.

Sweet bottom! Don't make me come down there and grab you.

Lucy Wyman. He has my number. Could you please get in the car?

-Jenna! -We are gonna be late.

Look, he made a commitment. He has my number. My name is Lucy Wyman.

Just go away!

Honey, I know I'm your best friend, but the slip dress is a little '97.

-Unless it's retro. -Are you really my best friend?

-You're pregnant. -Oh, no! Oh, my God, no!

Thank God. You scared me. What did you do last night?

See, that's the thing. Something really strange is happening.

I slept in an apartment I've never seen before...

...and there was a naked man in my shower and I saw his thingy.

Oh, God. Not his thingy.

Driver, could you please pull over, since we're here?

-Stop! -Wait. I don't wanna get out of the--

I don't think you're listening. Wait, hang on.

Wait, listen to me. I'm 1 3.

If you're gonna start lying about your age, I'd go with 27.

Wait! I know it sounds strange, but some weird dream is-- Like that!

Do you hear it? Did you hear that?

Would you stop being ridiculous? It's probably just Richard.

-Who's Richard? -You drink too much.

Richard, your boss.

Brown, curly hair. British. Richard.

-Hello? -Hey, sweet bottom.

You. You. Put on your pants and stop calling me "sweet bottom."

-Look, baby-- -And get out of my house!

Who is that?

I don't know his name. I don't know what's happening.

Okay, Jenna. Jenna. Just calm down, okay?

We have a meeting in 1 0 minutes. I'll tell you what to do. Repeat after me:

I am Jenna Rink, bigtime magazine editor.

-I am? -Repeat it.

I am Jenna Rink, bigtime magazine editor.

I'm a tough bitch.

-Say it. -I am a tough bitch.

I'm gonna walk into that office, I won't let anyone know I'm hung-over.

But that's not the point. I'm not hung-over--

I'm gonna walk into that office and not let anyone know I'm hung-over.

Because the future of Poise depends on me.

Poise?

Oh, jeez.

Poise magazine. Thank you.