The Carmichael Show

The Carmichael Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.

What the reverend said today was absolutely disgusting!

It was vile!

If he'd said that 1,000 years ago,

the church would've hung him for heresy!

Okay, Mom, well, I think you are tremendously overstating

what happened here today and being quite irrational.

No, I am not.

Okay, well, I think you are.

No, you do not.

All right, well...

I think it was pretty brave of the reverend

to get up there in front of the congregation

and admit he'd been battling a porn addiction.

Boy, oh, boy what that reverend did today was brave!

Somebody needs to make a meme of him

standing in front of a tank in Tiananmen square.

Joe, it was

not brave, it was disgusting.

Not to mention

the children had to hear that filth!

Man, this is the first time

I haven't fell asleep in church in years.

I wonder what the reverend gonna confess to next week.

I hope it's tax evasion.

You know, tax evasion is sexy right now.

I loved how open and honest that reverend was.

Is church always this interesting?

It's not supposed to be interesting, Maxine.

It's church. It's not a TED Talk.

I wonder what type of pornography

the reverend watches.

I would've asked, but he never opened the floor to questions.

All right, well, hold on to your question, Bobby.

Maybe you'll get a chance to ask it next week.

Okay, look here, Jerrod, if that's sarcasm,

I don't appreciate it, okay?

You stifle my curiosity, and that belittles us both.

Reverend Carlson is supposed to be a leader.

I've turned to him for moral guidance for over 35 years.

Now I'm gonna have to figure out

where I can find a new church home for every Sunday

and Wednesday and Thursday.

My entire social calendar is in shambles.

Well, Mom, you don't

have to leave the church just because the reverend

admitted something honest and made himself

vulnerable to the congregation.

Well, I can't think of a better reason to leave a church.

Sounds like somebody hasn't seen Spotlight.

Well, I don't think it's as big a deal

as y'all are making it out to be.

The reverend just admitted to doing something

that's perfectly normal that every man does.

Joe, how you gonna sit there and say it was perfectly normal,

something that every man does?

You don't watch porno.

Joe?

You watch porno, Joe?

Daddy?

Well, you know what?

I'm tired of being ashamed anyway, damn it.

And if this reverend can find the strength to come clean,

so can I.

Joe Carmichael watches porn.

There, I said it.

Bobby!

Joe, you are a sexual deviant, just like my reverend.

I'm not no sexual deviant.

I don't watch anything too hard-core.

I'm mostly into...

lesbian stuff.

Look, I enjoy the supple, gentle nature of women.

Joe!

Look, Ma, Dad's right.

It's not really that big of a deal.

I know this is a weird thing to admit

in front of your whole family, but...

I watch porn, too, Ma.

God.

That is a weird sentence to say out loud.

Oh, no, Jerrod, not you!

Maxine, did you know about this?

I mean, we've never really talked about it, but I assumed.

That's why I always knock before I enter our bedroom.

Bobby.

Sweet, innocent, pure-spirited Bobby.

Tell me you don't watch pornography.

Okay, Mama, you're putting me in a tough spot.

Uh, I don't want to lie to you,

but I don't want to let you down.

So what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna say no,

and then I'm gonna wink right after that.

No.

Now, you interpret that how you see fit.

Oh, my God!

All my boys are watching the lesbians on the Internet?!

Now, look here, Mama.

I actually don't really like lesbian porn.

It's just too many toys.

I don't think lesbians should be able to use toys.

Look, you made a choice, stick with it!

Is my entire family addicted to porn?!

I don't think anyone here is actually addicted to porn.

And I think watching it in moderation is a healthy way

for people to explore their own sexuality.

You always have an opinion!

Hey, Ma, look.

No one in the family is addicted to porn.

In fact, I don't think the reverend's addicted to porn.

He just lives in this environment where people

judge him and make him feel guilty for watching.

Yeah, honey.

Porn is not a-a real addiction.

I mean, it's-it's... sexuality is natural.

It's a basic need.

Next thing you're gonna say

is people can get addicted to air or food.

Uh, actually, Joe, people can be addicted to food.

People go to programs for overeating all the time.

Overeating?

There's no such thing as overeating.

You eat till your hand gets tired.

That is not when you're supposed to stop eating.

I mean, you can watch as much porn as you want,

but you need to eat better.

Well, if you are telling me that I can't eat a cheeseburger

while watching two lesbians make sweet love to each other

on the Internet, kill me now.

Ain't nobody want to live in a world

without girl-on-girl action and ground beef.

No more porn, Joe.

I will not stand for that disgusting smut in my house!

No! No! No, no.

You may think that porn is harmless,

but let me tell you, I've seen it destroy too many marriages.

Tammy's marriage, Denise's marriage...

Whoa, whoa, wait.

I thought Denise's marriage ended

because her husband was abusive.

No, her first husband was abusive.

Her second husband was on that porn!

Look, y'all,

Mom's right, okay?

I mean, porn can mess you up.

You know, I-I saw professionals having sex

before I even did it myself.

And, I mean, it creates these unrealistic expectations.

How do they not take a water break?

Well, Bobby is right.

I mean, our generation starts watching porn early.

I saw my first porn before I saw The Lion King.

Well, that's why I never gave Jerrod and Bobby the talk.

I figure they gonna watch porn anyway,

and a picture's worth a thousand words,

and videos have thousands of images,

so they got a very thorough sex talk.

And thanks to the Internet,

I didn't have to participate in any of it.

God, I wish my mom had left me to figure it out on my own.

She just had a couple martinis, sat me down and said,

"Sex is power."

I was eight.

All of you have lost your way.

I'm gonna shut down that Internet.

I'm gonna find us a new place to worship.

Because you all need church right now.

'Cause you're nasty.

You're just nasty!

Uh, Cynthia, don't go searching the history on our computer.

I came clean. I told you everything.

You think your mama knows what a MILF is?

- I... - Cynthia?

Cynthia, MILFs are the same age as us,

so that's not nasty.

Oh.

Church for the first time,

talking about porn with your family.

Not a bad Sunday, huh?

Well, let's do neither of those things again for a while.

All right, Maxine, Netflix Sunday.

Let's, uh, put on our sweats

and watch Friends until we see a black person.

Last time, we got through an entire season.

You know, porn has such a stigma attached to it

because people in our country are so uptight about sex.

Mm-hmm.

We should be able to talk about it.

Mm-hmm.

Let's talk about it.

No.

Come on, what kind of porn do you watch?

Maxine, why do you insist on asking questions

that will destroy us?

Come on, this is ridiculous.

We can have sex, but we can't talk about sex?

Yeah, because talking about sex

is way more intimate than having it.

In fact, people have sex just to avoid talking about it.

Do you have any fetishes?