Slacker

Now boarding for Bastrop, Smithville...

West Point, La Grange, Ellinger, Columbus, Sealy, Brookshire...

- Katy and Houston. -

All aboard, please.

Man, I just had the weirdest dream back on the bus there.

Do you ever have those dreams that are just completely real?

I mean, they're so vivid, it's just like completely real.

It's like there's always something bizarre going on in those.

I have one about every two years or something.

I always remember 'em really good.

It's like there's always someone getting run over or something really weird.

Uh, one time I had lunch with Tolstoy.

Another time I was a roadie for Frank Zappa. Anyway.

So this dream I just had, it was just like that...

except instead of anything bizarre going on...

I mean, there was nothing going on at all.

Man. It was like The Omega Man. There was just nobody around.

I was just traveling around...

you know, staring out the windows of buses and trains and cars, you know.

When I was at home, I was, like, flipping through the TV stations endlessly, reading.

I mean, how many dreams do you have where you read in a dream?

Wait. Man, there was this book I just read on the bus -

You know, it was my dream, so I guess I wrote it or something.

But, uh, man, it was bizarre. It was like, uh...

the premise for this whole book...

was that every thought you have creates its own reality, you know?

It's like every choice or decision you make...

the thing you choose not to do...

fractions off and becomes its own reality, you know...

and just goes on from there forever.

I mean, it's like...

uh, you know, in the Wizard of Oz...

when Dorothy meets the Scarecrow and they do that little dance at that crossroads...

and they think about going all those directions...

then they end up going in that one direction.

I mean, all those other directions, just because they thought about it...

became separate realities.

They just went on from there and lived the rest of their life.

I mean, entirely different movies, but we'll never see it...

because, you know, we're kind of trapped in this one reality restriction type of thing.

Another example would be like back there at the bus station.

As I got off the bus, the thought crossed my mind...

you know, just for a second, about not taking a cab at all.

But, you know, like maybe walking, or bummin' a ride or something like that.

I'm kind of broke right now. I should've done that probably.

But, uh, just 'cause that thought crossed my mind...

there now exists at this very second...

a whole 'nother reality where I'm at the bus station...

and you're probably giving someone else a ride, you know?

I mean, and that reality thinks of itself as this -

it thinks of itself as the only reality, you know.

I mean, at this very second, I'm in that -

I'm back at the bus station just hangin' out, you know...

probably thumbin' through a paper.

You know, probably goin' up to a pay phone.

Say this beautiful woman just comes up to me, just starts talking to me, you know?

Uh, she ends up offering me a ride, you know.

We're hitting it off. Go play a little pinball.

And we go back to her apartment, I mean, she has this great apartment.

I move in with her, you know.

Say I have a dream some night...

that I'm with some strange woman I've never met...

or I'm living at some place I've never seen before.

See, that's just a momentary glimpse into this other reality...

that was all created back there at the bus station.

You know, shoot. And then, you know...

I could have a dream from that reality into this one...

that, like, this is my dream from that reality.

Of course, that's kind of like that dream I just had on the bus, you know.

The whole cycle type of thing.

Man, shit. I should've stayed at the bus station.

- -

Don't touch her. Need to call the police.

Get an ambulance.

Check that bag for some I.D. You better call the family.

- Don't touch her! - I've gotta get the bag.

Hurry. I'll stay. Hurry.

What in the hell?

- What happened? What's going on? - Accident. Everything's under control.

Well, good. So you don't need me?

- No, I don't think so. - Okay.

Look, can I help you out? Do you need a ride anywhere or anything?

No, I don't think so.

Tell you what. Take my card. Give me a call.

I wish I could stay and help, but I gotta go, really. But call me.

I'd like to hear from you. I mean it.

Whose body is this?

- Here, call this guy. - These your groceries, lady?

Hello?

Uh, yes, it is.

This is her son.

She's not here right now. I mean, I don't think she's up yet.

Oh, drag. Anybody get a licence plate number or anything?

Were there any witnesses?

Okay, so the police have been notified.

Okay, uh, good. Well, let me know if you need me for anything.

Uh, thanks for calling. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Thank you for calling. Thank you.

- Officer Bozzio and Love with the police department. - Hello, it's me.

- What happened? - I don't know.

Looks like some guy, uh, ran over his mother.

"Number three: Opportunistic celibacy.

"Number four: Renunciation of all human endeavor.

"And the fifth and final pillar of euphoria:

"A full-circle, aesthetic reevaluation.

"My current response to every worldwide or personal tragedy is:

"It's disgusting.

I love it. I hope it gets even worse."

Okay. I'm Dostoyevsky. You're Anna. We're writing The Gambler.

Take my dictation.

Who's ever written the great work about the immense effort required...

in order not to create?

Intensity without mastery.

The obsessiveness of the utterly passive.

And could it be that in this passivity...

- I shall find my freedom? - Well, I'm headin' over there.

Hey, man. What are you doing? You're supposed to be getting this down. It was pretty good there.

- You seen Gary around? - No.

- Does he still live in the same place? - I told you. No one's seen him for months.

- Well, later. - What was that obsessiveness line again?

- Obsessiveness without personality? - What are you talking about?

Excuse me.

Say, pal! Did I overhear you say you got a friend that's missing?

Well, I doubt he's missing. He's just not around.

Oh, yeah, well. I've been reading in the World Weekly News.

Just a while ago there was a guy out on the street.

He's found wandering around, didn't know who he was, where he came from.

He's perfectly healthy, but he's a complete amnesiac, you know.

A lot of people like that found, uh, just wandering around lately.

You know, no history, no nothing.

- It's weird, huh? - Yeah.

You know about the suppressed transmission, of course?

- Mm-mmm. - No? Oh, well.

This is the 20th anniversary of the moon walk, you know.

And way back when they're giving us that "One giant step for mankind" bit...

another astronaut's in the background yelling his fool head off...

saying, "Oh, my God. What's that over in the crater? What the hell is that?"

Well, NASA cuts him off just like that.

But those of us with the right kind of radios, you know what I mean?

Yeah, we got enough of it. The gist of it was...

there's a giant spacecraft over in the other crater, looking at them.

That's right. Oh, it all begins to leak out then...

that the space program's just one giant big cover-up.

It's a covert operation between the United States government and the Soviet Union.

It's been going on for over 30 years.

We've been on the moon since the '50s.

You wanna know how we got there, right?

I'll tell you.

Anti-grav drive. Anti-gravity technology.

We stole it from the Nazis after the end of World War II. It's perfectly obvious.

And you know, I was watching this Late, Late Show.

A lot of truth in the Late, Late Show. You know, they slip it through there, they figure nobody's watching, but -

Anyway, there's this sci-fi movie called Alternative Three.

And, uh, it's about kidnapping people, using a little psycho-surgery on them...

and, uh, turn them into zombies.

And making them colonize the moon and Mars.

Funny, huh?

Except it's absolutely true, all of it.

We've been on Mars since '62.

It was May 22nd. That's a very important date for you to remember, pal.

- Yeah, that's my birthday. - Right. So, see...

the reason we're up there covertly is because of the greenhouse effect.

It all ties in. Yeah, greenhouse effect.

By the way, they discovered that in the '40s.

You can ask yourself what they've been doing sitting on their ass for 49 years, huh?

While we're out here with some serious social diseases and everything else.

Oh, never mind that. Everybody says...

"Greenhouse effect. A hundred years from now.

Oh, I'll be long dead, gone and out of here."

Not so, my friend. Not so.

The government's sitting on the fact that it's 10-20 years maximum.

It's getting hotter, don't you think?

Yeah, it's not even summer yet.

Yeah, and when the polar ice caps begin to melt...

it's not gonna take a certified genius to understand that we're in serious global confusion.

I mean, really, we're in massive mainline ecological chaos.

Anyway, it's happening even as we speak.

So, I'll tell you what they've already done.

They've colonized outer space.

Oh, they couldn't colonize everybody. No, no.

That would be global bankruptcy.

We couldn't beat the greenhouse effect anyway.

This secret group, you know, the group that's in charge of the government -

Oh, yeah. They're gonna get boosted off this rock before it melts.

And the rest of us, what do they care?

We're gonna be left here to fry.

By the way, there's something you should know.

You see, this entire operation's being funded...

by the profits from the Medellín drug cartel.

And they're specifically set up by the C.I. A...