Extended Family

Ooh.

- You're good. Five-second rule.

- One, one thousand, two, one...

Thousand! Ow.

Take a mulligan.

OK, one, one thousand,

two, one thousand, three, one thousand.

- Hello? We're back.

- Something smells good. - Dad, catch.

Jim made supper!

Oh, God!

* *

* It's genius *

* The marriage that we once had now is through *

* And now we're doing all that we can do *

* To keep us all together as a crew *

* Trust, do as we say, not as we do *

* We really thought that we were done *

* But we've just begun *

So how was Miami?

- Exhausting. Happy to be home.

Happy to have you home.

Happy to see you in the home, because it means

I'll be leaving the home.

Congrats on your tan, by the way.

Jim, I was working.

And thank you for your flexibility.

You are a great ex-husband.

- I am! I am.

When you're divorced with kids, life is like a relay race.

In our case, I run with the baton my week

with the kids, and then I hand it off to Julia

for her week, and it's a rhythm, you know?

My week, her week, my week, her week.

But this time, it was my week, my week.

- Jim, thank you so much for doing the extra week.

Oh, did I do an extra week?

Yes, I did do an extra week.

- But the client needed more time.

- All good, I have no hidden resentments

that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

So whose crisis did you smooth out this time?

- There's an NDA. I can't say.

- I didn't sign it. It was Pitbull.

- Where did you have your meetings?

On his yacht?

- There's an NDA, so I can't say.

- It wasn't a yacht. It was a ship.

Pool, disco, theater, helicopter.

- I don't want to know. - Three-story water slide.

I do not want to know.

Well, a lot happened while you were on your multi-story

water slide for 14 days. Was it 14 days?

Yes, I believe it was 14 full days.

- Let's not forget Grandpa Bobby

was here for the last three.

- Hours. The last three hours.

- Jim, I'm truly sorry I saddled you

with the extra days, but I'm here now.

What's the update? - Things are good.

Things are-- are-- are fine.

They're-- they're-- they're not good.

They're-- they're bad. Yes.

What can I say?

I dropped the ball on the grocery shopping,

so our cupboards are a little bit bare.

The side dishes for dinner are peanuts,

ketchup, and seven pretzels.

Today, we had olives for lunch.

And we are out of soy milk,

rice milk, oat milk, and milk-milk.

- And milk has lost all meaning.

- Actually, the closest thing to human milk isn't cow milk.

It's rat milk.

- Who's the sick bastard that figured that out?

Somebody had to suck on a rat's breast?

- What else? Oh, Grace got a C-minus

on her trigonometry test. - What happened?

- What happened is I did not have the bandwidth

to investigate what happened. - It's OK.

I'm on it.

- How is trig useful in real life?

- Actually, trigonometry can be used in naval navigation

to find the distance from the shore to a point at sea.

- How is trig useful in real life?

- Oh, also, Grace is sleeping over at Jasmine's tonight.

- Jim, I hate when they have sleepovers

the first night that I'm back.

- I sympathize. But again, it is day 14.

My brain is just barely keeping my heart beating.

I don't remember Trey's last name.

- Taylor. - Doesn't ring a bell.

Oh, and allow me to direct your attention

to the dinner table,

where you will notice Jimmy isn't.

Now I have called him to dinner five times,

but he is completely absorbed in his new video game.

- How absorbed? - He plays a few hours a day.

- How many? - Yesterday, all of them.

- Jim, I thought we had limits. - We do.

But mine apparently is 10 days.

Because on the 11th day, I placed our son in the custody

of his computer.

I'm not proud of it. I'm quite ashamed.

Didn't even plan on admitting any of this,

but I am exhausted.

So if there is nothing else,

I will attempt to recharge by bingeing the new season

of my favorite Swedish murder show

back at my apartment by myself,

doing nothing for anyone.

- Does a Swedish woman go missing?

- A Swedish woman does go missing, Trey.

Very astute.

I see you're versed in the genre.

And then a Swedish police lady

along with a Swedish police man with a beard will get--

- Get to the bottom of it. - Mm.

I love Swedish murder shows.

- Is there anything else we need to know?

It's called "Gustavsson."

That's the cop with the beard, Gustavsson.

I meant about the kids.

- Oh, uh, lunch was olives, out of milk,

Grace's trig test, Jimmy's game,

brain is flatlining. That's everything.

Ooh, Jimmy! - Just go knock on his door.

- Julia, there are my problems, and there are your problems,

and now that you're back, this is your problem.

My well is dry, my tank is empty,

and whatever third metaphor for depletion

that I am too tired to come up with.

- You sure you don't want to eat dinner with us?

- No, thanks. - Eh, I'm good.

We're good.

- Jimmy, dinner. - Stab him!

Stab his neck!

That's it. Now stab her.

Stab her good.

Jimmy.

- That's it, stab again! Stab!

Chase him down, Isaac. Slice the jugular!

Yes! Nice win.

Way to slay. Oh, OK, I got to go eat.

Mommy, I missed you.

You were gone a long time.

- I know, sweetie, but I'm back now.

- Oh, did you hear Grace got a C-minus.

Are you gonna ground her?

Can I ground her?

Oh, nice tan, by the way.

I was working.

* *

So tell me about this new game. Seems action packed.

What's it called? - "STN."

It's the best game ever, Mom.

- Well, I'm glad that you like it,

but, um, it's kind of violent, isn't it?

No, there's not even guns.

Just knives and machetes and stuff.

- Well, what's the "STN" stand for?

"Stab The Neighbors."

"Stab The Neighbors"?

This game is bomb.

Your squad fights your neighbor's squad

to the death.

You get points for kills, but also for stabs,

even if they don't die.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Your dad said that you've been playing it a lot.

No, I play the normal amount.

- Well, I'm glad you're enjoying the game,

but it's also important that you spend time outdoors.

I go outdoors.

The whole time I walk home from school is outdoors.

- You should also be playing with your friends.

- Mom, I play the game with my friends.

- What about the after school job

that we discussed? Did you talk to Mr. Shay?

- Oh, yeah, I started when you were gone.

Oh.

Well, that's great.

I'm so proud of you, honey.

- You got a job. Good for you.

It's easy.

I just bring in his mail and stuff.

Well, I think it's great.

I always had a job when I was little.

Yeah. Yeah. OK.

Let's just keep an eye on the game, all right?

- Of course. Mom, today was so lit.

Mm-hmm?

- We killed the Maguires, the Murphys,

and most of the Harrisons.

- But those are our real neighbors.

- I know. So great, right?

The AI lets you customize the avatars

to look like real people.

Mr. Harrison even has the same comb-over.

I got to get back to the game and finish them off.