How I Met Your Mother

Kids, by the spring of 2013,

Lily and Marshall had life figured out;

Lily was making a name as the art consultant for The Captain,

Marshall was a superstar environmental lawyer

and home life was a well-oiled machine.

And then...

something changed.

Captain, you wanted to see me?

Captain? Hello?

Permission to come aboard?

Granted.

Lily, small order of business: I'm moving to Rome

and I'd like you to come with me.

Carry on.

What?! That-That-That's amazing,

but I-I don't know if I can just uproot my life.

It's only for a year. Carry on.

But I'm married and we have a baby

and they just opened a Shake Shack on our block

and there's never a line!

I understand it's a big decision.

Take all the time you need.

Just let me know by the end of the day.

Also, I need your advice on purchasing some luggage.

What kind? Carry on.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Well, this has been fun. I should go.

But you literally just got here.

I didn't "literally" just get here.

I hate when people misuse that word.

So do I. But you literally just got here.

Hey, Ted.

Well, this has been fun. I should go.

Okay, fine, now I'm leaving.

Why do people go to a bar, anyway?

To get your drink on and some girl's pants off.

I can do both at home.

What are you looking at?

The girl in the big coat?

We were in the same yoga class together.

You know how sometimes you'll meet a girl and there'll be

that one bewitching little detail that'll make you

fall in love with her instantly?

You know, a little freckle on the nose,

the-the lilt of her laugh,

the way she pronounces a certain word or phrase?

Sure, totally.

Well, in this girl's case,

the bewitching little detail is the fact

that she has just a "redonkulous" body.

Redonkulous?

Redonkulous!

I've only heard you use "redonkulous" to describe

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

Barney, this girl has

the Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol of bodies.

Whoa.

Just wait till she takes that coat off.

Oh, wait, sorry, you were just about to leave, right?

I mean, I've already paid for this drink.

Guys, The Captain just made me a very interesting offer.

Finally, we get around to the real reason he hired you.

Just promise you film it, and please use a tripod.

There's nothing artistic about shaky-cam.

It just looks sloppy.

He wants me to move to Rome for a year

to buy art for him.

Whoa! Seriously?

Is that something you want to do? Are you kidding?

I've always wanted to live abroad!

My summer in Paris, back in college, was so enlightening:

the art, the history, the free cheese

just for wearing a low-cut top.

Well, how does Marshall feel about moving?

I haven't told him yet.

He really loves his job here.

Yeah, but he also loves Italy!

He took a week of Italian in college,

and the only reason he dropped it was

'cause he had a conflict... with being not stoned.

But he still knows how to say the phrase,

"Come on, bro, don't Bogart all the Funyuns."

All right, I'm gonna call him.

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby, I can't talk right now.

I'm working on a big case. Bye.

And that's when Lily realized

what moving to Rome would really mean.

And before you know it...

...his life turns into an angsty,

existential black-and-white Italian movie.

Exactly.

I used to be a lawyer.

I don't know anymore.

I'm sorry. I got to hit pause for a second.

Why is it so hot in here?

Oh, right. While you were blabbering on and on

about your whole life crisis or whatever,

I slipped Carl a hundred to turn the heat up in here.

What? Why?

Because she is still in the big puffy coat!

Barney, what are you doing?

I'm trying her out of that coat,

that's what I'm doing!

I'm fighting hotness with hotness!

You're engaged.

Okay, Lily, clearly you're forgetting something.

Yes, I'm engaged to the coolest girl on Earth.

This is about looking, not touching.

Robin understands there is one set of balls she can't tie up

with a necktie and lightly hit with a Ping-Pong paddle.

These balls.

Okay, I'm gonna call The Captain,

get this over with.

Ahoy.

Hello, Captain?

Lily, I hope you're not calling

to harpoon our big move to Rome.

Thank you, but I can't ask my husband to abandon his career.

Would you like me to try and convince him?

I'm very persuasive.

I'm sorry, the ship has sailed.

What's that mean?

Well, you know, "The ship has sailed"?

That it's over and there's nothing you can do?

What a peculiar expression. Hmm.

Well, thanks for all your hard work, Lily.

I've never been good at good-byes, so...

Well, that's that.

My dream job as an art consultant is over.

And the sad part...

Okay, I gotta stop you right there, Lily,

'cause unless I'm mistaken, lock and load gentlemen.

A scarf?! No, don't put on, take off!

Okay, you're starting to drool.

I'm calling creepy.

Lily, it's fine.

This is purely academic.

It's-It's like bird-watching.

And right now, I am watching a double-breasted-- Robin!

Wait-- they know each other?!

Whoa, wait-- what is going on here?

Oh, my God, it's happening.

This is just like I imagined.

Right in front of Ted, so I can rub it in his face.

The belt is mine!

Hi, guys. Barney, you remember Liddy.

I do?

Yes! Libby.

Liddy. We met when Robin hired me.

Robin hired you?

Naughty girl. Okay.

Okay, so how's this gonna go down?

You two just gonna start, and I'll just jump in?

Uh, she's our wedding planner.

Of course she's the wedding planner!

Good to see you again, Libby.

Liddy. Yeah.

Hey, I'm Ted. We, uh, we met once before.

Oh, right, in yoga class. How are you?

She's talking to me.

Well, I would love to stay,

but now that I'm unemployed,

I think I'll go surprise Marshall at work.

Wedding planner.

So Lily went to visit Marshall at work,

hoping she wasn't interrupting anything important.

She wasn't.

Whoa. What is going on?

Bernard, if we just glue the cards together...

Lily! What are you doing here?

Well, I baked you brownies

because I thought you were busy working, but...

so when you said...

Lily, hey, I can't really talk.

I'm working on a big project right now.

It's a real house of cards.

Is this the "house of cards" you were talking about?

I thought you had some big client.

Oh, sweetheart, we haven't had a client here in months.

Mmm! Brownies! Hey!

What is going on? What do you mean

you haven't had a client in months?

Ever since the Gruber case,

we lost a lot of business,

people got laid off... it's just me and Bernard now.

Where's Cootes?

He's holed up in a bomb shelter in Colorado,

waiting for the apocalypse and tending to his herb garden.

So all those times I've called you in the past few months,

when you talked about how busy you were...

you were just lying to me?

Technically, I never lied...

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby, I can't talk right now.

I'm working on a big case. Bye.

That is a big case.

Bad time, Lily.

I got to focus on the client.

Gotta go. Bye.