The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Revenge.

Revenge.

I want it.

Oh, do I want it.

I need it.

I crave it.

I am completely consumed by the need for it.

Revenge.

You know how there are times in your life

when things seem to be going great?

And then suddenly, out of nowhere,

you round the corner, and bam, someone steps in

and fucks it the fuck up?

And you never saw it coming

because you were too busy being happy.

And I know, that's life.

Shit happens.

You should be a bigger man and just let it go.

Well, I'm a woman, so fuck that.

I want my fucking pound of flesh.

I want my revenge.

And I'm talking real revenge, not the "Hey, I got you

a lifetime subscription to The Watchtower"

kind of revenge, but Shakespearean,

blood-soaked, painful,

soul-crushing revenge.

I will dig out my high school clarinet

and play klezmer music next door to you 24 hours a day.

I will sneak into your basement, and I will fry fish.

I will befriend your only daughter,

and I will introduce her to a poet,

and I will sit at their wedding and I will laugh.

I'm talking Medea-level revenge.

I'm filled with so much fury, and why?

Oh, you already know why.

Well, that's no fun.

Fine.

Yes. That was me.

Standing there on a tarmac, not Penn Station, by the way,

and not "clutching" my suitcase.

"Suitcase," singular.

Please. I haven't traveled with one suitcase

since my first day of kindergarten.

I stood there, and I watched that plane fly away,

and I realized that once again

a man has stepped in and fucked up my life.

And just like the first time,

I was dressed magnificently while he did it.

Fucking revenge!

Where we going?

Back to the city.

Something she forgot to pack?

Just drive.

What's happening here?

Nothing. I just...

Seriously, what's funny?

What are you doing?

That was a hat.

It still had the price tag on it.

Miriam, do we need a pill?

Hey. I don't want it.

Well, it completes the outfit. Will you stop?

I don't want anything about this night

or associated with this night in this cab with us.

Am I next?

Stop!

Stop the cab! What?

You fucker!

I won.

You thought you could beat me, but you couldn't.

Yeah, you showed him.

Now that the skirt has learned its lesson,

why don't you get back in the ca... Miriam?

Okay, well, that's really the city's job, but...

I hate this night and this outfit

and this whole goddamn world!

Hey! I hate this cab.

Stop that! This cab took me

to the airport that I hate! Hey.

Where the plane was that I hate, on the tarmac...

Hey, what the hell is she doing?

I hate music. I hate music stands.

I hate mic cords.

I hate light cues.

Miriam, enough.

Ow! She's crazy.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Stop!

Ow! You stop!

Have you lost your mind?

Yes! (PANTING)

My mind, my job, my career.

You haven't lost your career.

I was on tour with the biggest star in the world,

and then suddenly...

he wouldn't even talk to me.

I thought we were friends.

In show business?

I fucked up.

It's not your fault.

I should've been there. If I'd have been there,

you wouldn't have talked to Reggie. I would've talked to you.

And I would've told you to just calm the fuck down.

And I would've calmed the fuck down.

And you wouldn't have done that set and ended your career.

My career's ended?

I'm repeating what you said.

But I said it so you'd say it wasn't true.

Here, you want to hit the car again?

You don't think I can come back from this?

I just meant, if I'd have been there,

you wouldn't have done that awful set.

The set was great. The audience laughed

at every joke. I just meant,

if I'd have been there, you would've done something else.

I would've bombed. Yeah, you would've bombed,

and we would be on a plane to Prague right now.

If I had bombed, they still could've kicked me off the tour.

No, you would've been humiliated,

but then you would've gotten on that plane,

and then you would've bombed in Prague.

What? Why?

Those people don't laugh.

I could've made Prague people laugh.

You've never been to Prague.

What the fuck would you talk about?

I'd find something.

"Hello, Prague. Remember Jews?"

Need a ride? (LAUGHS)

Look at that, the public still loves you.

I don't want to go back to Queens.

I'm not ready to be a failure yet.

I don't want to go back to my place, either.

Jackie will be installing crown molding.

Chester will be farting a lot.

Ladies, at this rate, I'm gonna be able

to retire off this fare.

Just head to the Village.

You... want to take your branch?

No.

You had that the whole time?

I didn't want you drunk and acting all crazy.

Give me that.

Damn it, I just got this outfit.

Boy, this floor is really sticky.

Are they mopping it?

Oh, yeah. Twice a day.

They call and give me updates.

We talk soap-to-water ratios.

All right.

Oh, it's really fucking sticky.

You sure it's okay that we're here?

Oh, yeah. I called the owner,

and he cleared it with the management,

and they ran it up the flagpole to the board.

All right.

I love that suddenly you're all concerned

about not pissing anybody off.

I stashed this stuff here last time I was hiding out.

Hey, do you have any seltzer? Why?

Thought I'd try to get the stain out with seltzer.

Oh. Try gasoline. Really?

Yeah. That and a match will take that stain right out.

Hilarious. You should open for Shy Baldwin.

So, pick a spot?

Yep. Anywhere you want.

Actually, I need to sleep over there. Okay.

It's just, I had a nightmare when I slept over there.

And over there, different nightmare but just as bad.

Over there, too.

So I'd like to sleep there, in the middle,

if that's okay. Uh...

Eh, even if it's not okay, I got to sleep in the middle.

But anywhere else, your choice.

So I have my choice of all the nightmare spots.

Thanks.

Gonna be here all night.

Well, here we are.

Back where it all started.

First time I saw you, you were over there behind the bar.

I was married to Joel.

He was gonna do stand-up.

I brought a brisket.

You remember what you said to me?

No, but I'm sure "fuck you" figured

somewhere in the sentence. Yeah.

Who would've thought that less than two years later

I'd end up back here drunk and in my underwear again?

Different underwear.

Did you just find that on the ground?

Yes.

Guess I overpacked.