Joey

I'm getting pretty good at this parallel parking.

That's not what this is, but okay.

You know, it was fun sightseeing with you.

How'd you know where all those celebrities lived?

I've done some light stalking in my day.

Ugh, look at this poor guy.

He's got, like, ten tickets and a boot.

I've seen this car. It's been here for like a month.

Who leaves their car like this?

Well, whoever he is, he's a big fan of mine.

He's got a stack of my headshots in the front seat.

Joey, when you bought your new car, you did return the rental, right?

Nope.

Hey, what are you doing here so early?

I just had to get out of that salon.

I hate work so much.

I knew I should've been a corrections officer like that test said.

Are you still having problems whth your boss?

Yeah. Viktor's such a creep. He's always standing over me

and criticizing me, telling me what to do.

Like Mom with a mustache.

Have you seen Mom lately?

Why do you work at a job that makes you crazy, Mom?

Easy, College.

In the real world, work isn't always a picnic.

Oh, please, you make pretend for a living.

Uh, I have done my time in the trenches.

- Oh, yeah? Doing what? - Digging!

What other job do you do in a trench?

I just wish I had my own place.

This way, instead of working for this horrible boss, I could be the horrible boss.

Oh, yeah, you'd be good at that. You're always telling us what to do.

Yeah.

"Michael, don't sit so close to the TV, you'll go blind. "

Yeah, or, "Hey, Joey, get your hand out of your pants!"

Or "Michael, tell Joey to get his hand out of his pants. "

So why don't you open your own place?

'Cause I don't have the money.

You must have some.

I did.

Now I don't.

All right, I gotta get going back there.

- See ya. - Bye.

She seems miserable. I wish there was something we could do to help.

You could give her some money. Start her own salon.

I meant, like, buy her a cake.

Oh, come on. You got to have some money saved up.

I do, yeah. But that money's safety net for me.

And besides, it's not a good time for me to be spending money.

I'm in a new city, I don't have a job, I got $1,200 in parking tickets...

from a car I still haven't returned!

But even if it's not a great time right now,

I mean, it's not like you have to give her all your money.

Michael, I can't dip into my savings, all right?

There are harsh realities to being an actor.

That money is specifically set aside in cawe I ever lose my looks.

What? Why?

I mean, even if you turn ugly, you're such a great actor,

you'll still get tons of work.

That is weak, dude.

I cannot wait for my entire body to feel what my feet are feeling.

How many hours a day do you spend in here?

Well, my record is nine, but, uh...

I was passed out for five of them.

Oh, one of the kids lost his little military men.

Sergeant Dropkick!

So, Eric's coming home tonight.

Your husband? Oh, great, great.

I finally get to meet him. He's been gone so long.

I know, but now his orchestra's playing in town.

Oh. What instrument does he play?

The viola.

Lin.

Violin.

Thanks.

Listen, about Eric, there's one tiny problem.

I mentioned my new pal Joey to him,

and I got the impression that he was a bit threatened.

Come on. By me?

Yeah, well, I told him about the two of us hanging out

and I guess he thinks it's weird, his wife doing stuff with a single guy.

That's ridiculous!

I've always had women friends, and there's nothing sexual about it.

I love the way women think,

I love the way they laugh,

I love the...

I love their soft hands,

I love the small of their back,

the curve of their... Oh, I see why he'd be upset.

But it's not like anything would ever happen with us.

And it's a little insulting.

Like I can't handle a couple of weeks alone.

Like I can't go that long.

Like I've just got to have it, and any man will do.

Alex, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I do not have to have it!

I don't!

Okay, look, he'll see that there's nothing between us

and that he has nothing to worry about, and he'll be fine, right?

- Absolutely. - Yeah.

And a little tip:

maybe, just maybe,

if you knew the name of the instrument he played,

he might not feel so threatened.

No, I know what a violin is...

There you go!

Hey, Gina, sorry I'm late for lunch.

That's okay, I'm just finishing up here.

So where's this Viktor guy you keep complaining about?

Around lunchtime he either goes to the gun shop next door

or the strip club on the corner.

Nice neighborhood, by the way.

So, tell me about your day. I'm bored stiff here.

I just found out that Alex's husband thinks it's weird that we hang out.

Well, it is a little weird.

I mean, a married woman and a single guy...?

Oh-oh, not okay.

Oh, you speak English.

Five years.

Look, you guys hanging out would be okay if you

knew her before she was married, which you didn't.

Or if you're friends with them as a couple, which you're not.

Or if you were gay, which... would be okay.

Will you stop with that?

He's an actor- the lines are blurred.

What, so you're saying I can't be friends with Alex?

No, just maybe lay low while her husband's around.

Otherwise, he's going to be threatened by you.

You're a good-looking guy.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Sometimes I wish I was only an eight and a half.

Gina! I have some bad news. No paycheck tonight.

All money from register went down stripper's panties.

Who is this?

This is my brother. He's visiting me.

Oh, I forgot. This is not a salon.

This is Viktor's House for Family Reunion, huh?

I'll, uh, I'll get out of your way.

The magazine is only for customers.

So is the chair.

So is floor.

Oh, come on!

- Hey. - Hey.

By the way, the rental car is still there.

That's what this is for!

Oh, hey, I went by your mother's salon today. I met her boss.

- Pretty horrible, huh? - Yeah.

The guy's like a Russian Joseph Stalin.

I can't believe she has to work there.

Well, there is a way to fix that.

Give her some money.

Oh, Michael, I don't know, I...

But just uhink about everythingshe's done for you.

She found you this place, she, she made it into a home.

If the situation were reversed

she'd do it for you in a heartbeat.

Yeah, that's true.

And it would just be a loan. I mean, she'll pay you back.

In fact, she'd probably let you name the salon.

Ooh!

"The Hair Place!"

No! "The Hair Up There!"

No, no, no! "Captain Fabuloso's Cave of Hair!"

Okay, okay. Let's do it.

- Really? - Yeah, yeah.

It's the right thing to do.

Oh, God! Can I call her and have her come over so we can tell her?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just gonna take a quick dip in the hot tub,

so say, two, three hours?

All right.

Okay, time for relaxation, men. You've earned it.

Oh.

Evening.

Sorry. I'll try back later.

No, no, no. Not at all.

Come on. There's room in here for both of us.

Uh, not the way I hot-tub.

All right, well, I'll try not to keep you and your "men" waiting long.

What, these? These aren't mine.

Thanks. So, I, uh... haven't, uh, haven't seen you around here before.

Well, my orchestra's been on tour.

Oh, you must be Eric, Alex's husband.

I'm... I'm Joey.

You're Joey?

Oh, thank God!

Oh, God.

Man, that is great.

Yeah.

What?

No, it's just that Alex said she'd been spending a lot of time with you recently.

And I was just, I was expecting something else, that's all.

Look, it is really great to meet you.

Yeah. You too.

Uh, so, we're good?

Oh, yeah, we're good.

Why are we good?

What the hell's that thing for?

Hey. So, Mom's on her way over

and I'm looking at the commercial real estate listings-

- Hey! Do you find me threatening? - Not until this very moment.