Tales from the Darkside

Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

Oh, yeah, a week together

next summer would be great, Lois.

l'll run it by Bill.

LOlS: (over phone): How's he doing?

Oh, Bill? Oh, well, you know,

he says he doesn't feel well,

but, you know, he's always like that in between books.

-(Lois speaks indistinctly) -Mm-hmm.

Yeah, right. Can't sleep,

and he thinks every headache's the first sign of a brain tumor.

Well, l know. He'll be fine once he gets something going.

LOlS: Yes.

l know, l know, l probably won't be able

to keep him down, if you know what l mean.

Mom?

Mm. Just a sec, Lois.

l want to tape Spider's Kiss, but Connie won't let me.

She says it's too gross.

lt is.

Look, you guys, l am talking long-distance

with your Aunt Lois, and l do not think

this is the time for sibling rivalry, okay?

lt was Dad's first book. Don't you even care?

No.

Ask your dad if you can

tape it on the VCR in his study. He'll show you how.

Okay. Good idea.

Oh, and tell him that l said to edit out all the gory stuff.

Aw, do l have ta?

Yes, you ''have ta.''

See?

Connie!

Oh, no, no, the kids are just squabbling again.

Well, Polly used to be able to keep them in line,

but now that she's away at school...

Oh, l don't know.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, after all.

LOlS: How come?

Well, lately when she calls, she just seems so upset.

Yeah, l know, but it's hard on me, too.

l miss her.

l don't like having my children so far away from me.

l don't know what l'm gonna do when they're grown.

You're right.

There's always Bill, isn't there?

Booga-booga!

Hi, Jeffy.

How come you didn't get scared?

Scary is my business. l'm case-hardened.

Something wrong?

Can l watch the first hour of Spider's Kiss,

and you record the rest?

Connie's hogging everything.

: Are you sure you want to watch that, champ?

: lt's pretty scary.

Yeah!

Oh, l really think Jeffy needs the orthodontic work now,

but you know Bill.

Oh, Lois, hold on. That's the other line.

Bill, could you get the other...?

Honey, where are those blank video tapes?

-l can't find any in the study. -(ringing continues) -Wait.

l'm gonna put you on hold, Lois.

FEMALE CALLER (sobbing): Oh... Ta... Take...

Hello?

Please take...

Polly, is that you? Honey, it's Mom.

: Oh.

Polly, what's wrong?

Quick, please!

Now, honey, calm down.

Whatever it is, it can't be that...

Oh, no.

-(dial tone) -Damn!

Uh, listen, Lois, l'm gonna have to call you back.

That was Polly.

LOlS: Polly called?

Yeah. She sounded really upset this time.

LOlS: Did she say what's wrong?

No. She hung up.

LOlS: Call me back...

Yeah. Okay, l-l will. Thanks.

What?

lt was Polly crying her head off, Bill.

-What's wrong? -(touch tones beeping)

You know, it sounded like

she was saying ''l want to come home.''

''Please take me home.''

Honey, c-calm down.

YOUNG WOMAN (over phone): Harcheran Hall.

lf you want Christine the Sex Queen,

she's still in the shower, Arnie.

Could you please bring Polly Weiderman to the phone?

This is her mother.

Oh, geez.

Uh, sorry, Mrs. Weiderman. Hang on.

l found one, Daddy.

ln a minute, Jeff. Go on up.

-But... -l won't forget.

Now, go on.

-Come on! Come on! Come on! -Katie!

No, Bill. You didn't hear her.

She sounded just so...

Hi, Mom.

Pol? Honey, are you all right?

All right? Are you kidding?

l just aced my bio exam,

and Ronnie Hanson asked me to the dance Saturday night.

: Now you call and ask if l'm all right?

You didn't just call here a second ago crying your head off?

Heck, no!

Okay.

Uh, honey, l-l'm glad about your test and your date.

l guess it was just somebody else.

Um, Polly, l'm gonna have to call you back, okay?

Okay, Mom. Say hi to Dad.

-Yeah, l will, hon. -Bye.

She okay?

Yeah. l'd say that was an understatement.

God, l could have sworn it was Polly.

So it was a prank--

somebody crying so hard, they dialed the wrong number,

through ''a shimmering film of tears,'' as us writers say.

lt was not a prank, Bill!

And it was not a wrong number.

lt was someone in my family.

-Honey, you can't know that. -Oh, no?

lf Jeffy called just crying, would you know it was him?

Yeah. Maybe. l-l guess so.

-(line ringing) -Oh.

WOMAN (over phone): Hello?

Mom, are you...?

Uh, did you, uh, just call here a second ago?

No, dear. Why?

Oh, well, you know these phones.

l was talking to Lois, and l lost the other line.

Well, it wasn't me, Katie.

By the way, l saw the prettiest dress...

Mom, can l call you back?

Are you all right?

Uh... no. l...

l, uh...

l have a little diarrhea, Mom.

l gotta go. Bye.

Diarrhea. That's great.

l gotta remember that when my agent calls.

This is not funny, Bill!

CONNlE: ls everything all right?

l don't know.

Everything's fine, honey. Your mom just got a...

a funny kind of phone call, that's all.

Go on back. Watch some tube.

Yeah. Oh, l just overreacted, honey.

Really, it's okay.

Really?

Really.

Shh.

l tell you, l knew that voice.

-lf Polly's okay... -Dawn.

Come on, hon. A minute ago, you were sure it was...

l was on the phone with Lois. Mom's okay.

She's the only one left.

Bill, she's the youngest.

l-l could've mistaken her for Polly.

Oh, God, Bill, it's Dawnie.

Bill, l'm scared.

Thank you for calling AT&T.

Yeah, Operator, uh, l'm trying to reach my sister-in-law,

and the line is busy.

There may be a problem.

Could you break through, please?

What is your name, sir?

Weiderman. William Weiderman. My number is...

Not the William Weiderman?!

The one that wrote Spider's Kiss?

That-That was mine. Yes, it...

Oh, God, l just love that book.

l love all your books. l just...

l'm delighted that you did, but-but right now,

my wife is very worried about her sister.

lf you could break in, please.

Of course. What's the number?

BlLL: 555-6169.

l'm sorry, Mr. Weiderman.

That line is not busy; it's off the hook,

-and there's no response to my signal. -Oh?

l was wondering... if l sent you my copy

of Spider's Kiss, would you...?

Why'd you hang up?

Phone's not busy; it's off the hook.