Wellington Paranormal

I really shouldn't have to say this, guys,

but pepper spray is for self-defence in the line of duty;

it is not for spraying on your lunch.

OK? OK, everyone?

Pepper spray is for assailants' eyes, not for pies.

Everyone. Pepper spray is for...

...assailants' eyes, not for pies.

Ka pai.

Parker. What's wrong with your eyes, Parker?

I - Yeah, I was just really moved by your speech, Sarge. It...

I guess it's really clear that you really love your police work and you really care about our safety.

Parker, did you ingest your pepper spray?

I put some on my chilli con came, but I had the nozzle in the wrong direction.

And did you happen to share some of your lunch with Officer Royle back there?

She asked, and I guess I'm just generous to a fault.

It's not generosity that's at fault here; it's stupidity.

Let that be a lesson to the rest of you.

Moving right along. A huge heist was pulled off in the suburbs of Mount Victoria and Roseneath,

centred around the summit of Matairangi.

A massive amount of obsolete electronics were stolen,

including but not limited to some computer mouses, or mice,

a 2010 model Compaq Presario,

a fax machine,

a rather large amount of flip phones - remember those? Remember how cool you felt?

Flip. 'Hello. How are you?' Back-flip. End of conversation.

Well, those are becoming cool again. Trust me.

A rather large amount of used vape pens - unhygienic -

and several drones that some kids got for Christmas.

Now, does anybody have any information pertaining to this case?

Yes? My brother, Adam, vapes.

And? Um,

it's got an extremely invasive aroma.

It's not very nice. Does that pertain to this case?

Does it?

Um, well, indirectly. Um, obviously, he's- Very indirectly.

I'd say very, very indirectly. It's practically unrelated.

It's wasting police time. Even though we are the police?

Yeah. You're wasting your own time - and your wasting everybody's time in here, because we're all police.

Dismissed. Thank you.

Somebody please help Parker.

Thank you.

Watch out for the- Ouch.

Yep.

OK, listen to this -

hundreds of burglaries all occurring around the same time, all happening in the Mount Victoria area.

Now, this is theft on an unprecedented scale.

This is a huge case, guys. I'm gonna need your complete and undivided attention on this-

- That's my mum's house. Where? Hang on. - Where?

Right in the middle, here. This one here? That bit of gr-

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's the one. OK. Good to know.

Back to the case now.

All right, now, this is a highly unusual detail.

Have a look at the pattern of the thefts. Night one.

OK? And-

OK, and night two...

Also - boom.

Now, instead of the robberies occurring street by street, they're happening in waves,

in concentric circles, simultaneously.

Freaky. That is freaky? It also seems highly organised.

But why would people go to the trouble of stealing used vape pens,

the only thing grosser than new vape pens?

All the technology seems to be between two and 20 years old.

So why would they take them?

All suggestions are valid. And... go.

To build a doomsday weapon. To sell to Cash Converters. To throw it in the bin.

Cash Converters, to throw it away or a doomsday device. Um, let's go again.

And go. Alien technology. To make Christmas decorations? I reckon throw it in the bin.

All right. Christmas decorations - yeah, great.

And, um, throw it away again. That's the same suggestion twice.

I have a suggestion, though.

Alien spacecraft.

But this - this is an escape pod.

Aliens - far from home, no spare parts. Some kind of Mayday situation's come-

Some kind of malfunc-

ls he gonna be all right?

Um, yep. He should be. The medic is attending to him.

And so they beam up all these old computers and old cell phones to repair their computers.

Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah.

Well, I mean, why would they just be taking all the old stuff?

Maybe it's some kind of old model ship - like a 2010 model.

And what about the vape pens? That would be for the exhaust-fume smoke

that comes out of the back, like.

Credit where credit's due - you've given it some thought.

One more detail. This is based on a computer simulation predicting the next wave

that will happen tonight.

That's getting really close to my mum's house. It is.

Should we be concerned? It'd be a good time to see your mum.

I don't understand why someone would take vape pens.

If we recover them, can I not touch them? Cos I think they're gross.

Why have you got such a thing about vape pens?

Cos my brother smokes 'em all over the house. You know Adam.

Yeah. Well, they stink.

Do you know he's got a tattoo of Mum's back on his face now?

What?! He's got a tattoo of your mum's back on his face? On his face.

Don't you mean the other way round? I wish I meant the other way round.

That's what he wanted, but he's a terrible communicator.

You'd think he would've said something when the tattoo artist started tattooing on his face.

I know what you mean, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know what Adam's like.

Yeah. But I still think he should've- When they had the needle

on his cheek, he should've said, 'Hey, hey, hey, '

Completely agree. Yeah.

Well, we agree to agree on that one. We're on- Yeah, absolutely. Agree to agree.

We're here.

Afternoon.

Come in, dear. Thank you.

Urn, so, as I mentioned on the telephone, there's been a number of thefts in the area.

Well, it wasn't me, dear. No, no, no, we know that, um,

but we were hoping to use this house for a stakeout, Mrs O'Leary..

- Just call me Mum, dear. - Yeah.

Um, Mum, could you just call me Officer O'Leary? just, you know, in front of the cameras?

Cos... professional. All right, sweetheart.

Yeah, what she's trying to say, Mrs Mum, is that we just wanna use your house

as a base for our stakeout we're planning. It's not 'Mrs Mum'.

We'll just call you Mum. It's just easier. We'll-Mum.

Yeah. Mum. What are they stealing?

It's old- Any old electronics, really..

Old cell phones, even vape pens.

Yeah. You don't vape, do you, Mrs Mum? No.

Never vaped, and I never smoked. No. No.

Screwdriver was my vice.

I remember - the first time I drank screwdriver, God, I was sick as a dog.

Would you like a drink now, dear?

We're... Well, I'm tempted after that description,

but maybe not just yet. We're on duty, and...

Yes, no, fair enough. Maybe on the weekend.

You know, I think I've got one of your old cell phones in the drawer here.

Hang on. I'll just get that out. Let's see if I can find it.

Here it is. Look at that.

Lovely shade of blue it was, too.

She loved that phone when we got it for her. Loved it. Couldn't get it in pink, but she loved it.

She was on it for hours and hours. At night-time, she used to put it under the covers,

and I'd go past and see the light coming out from under the sheets.

She played that game Snake on it. I remember that one. Yeah...

Yeah...she just couldn't get off it. Addicted to it, she was.

I believe that's what made her a little bit frightened of men.

OK, Mrs- Mum. OK, Mum. Symbolic.

That's not the O'Leary I know. She's not scared of men at all,

and I've seen her take down some massive men.

Huge men. No, well, I'm not talking about that sort of frightening.

There was never any boyfriends around.

Not me. Some boys used to come past here in their cars and toot and everything at me...

Yeah?...and try to get me to go to the cinema with them, and the milk bar.

We didn't have any mobile phones then.

I- I'm not that they're interested in those, those details, Mum.

All right, then, Officer Sugar Bum Fairy.

She's never called me that before.

Yes, I used to call her that all the time. Did you?

When she was a little girl, I used to make little hot chocolates and fluffies for her...

...and she had pink marshmallows.

Everything had to be pink - little tutu, a little tiara.

Everything was pink. Mum, that... that was Brendan.

Was it? Yeah.

No, I'm sure it was you, dear. You look like Brendan.

Yeah. Well, we're brother and sister.

That's right. Yeah.

Well, she looks more like Brendan now.

This is her room. Look, it's still the same!

And there's your softball glove. You were hell-bent on using that all the time, weren't you?

And the softball girls used to come round.

And there's the tower.

So, we're here on the stakeout. We love it.

That's correct. We do. We love it.

We've placed cell phones all around the house from the unclaimed lost property.

It's an awesome plan that we've put into place.

It's our plan. We came up with it.

And we're on high alert,

so if any unusual activity does happen, we're ready to respond..

O'Leary, your phone's vibrating.

When was the last time you charged it? Well, about 13 years ago.

Aren't the batteries on those things unbelievable?

Does that strike you as unusual, O'Leary? Um, yes, it does.

Well, I don't know. I've never been to your mum's place before. That could be standard.

It is not.

They're all... They're all connecting.

I'm not intimidated, um, or worried, really.

It's playing the game Snake, Minogue. That's exactly like Snake.

Well, how do you beat the snake?

Well, if the snake touches itself, then it dies.

Touches itself? No, I'm not getting involved in that.

No, if the head touches its body. Well, which part's the head? Well, the bit at the front.

Yeah, no, I'm gonna outsmart it. How?

Yeah, you're right. I'll just tase it instead.

Well, just remember that never seems to go very well.

It's taken the Taser, O'Leary. It's taken the Taser.

OK, well, that's not optimum, is it? Make it touch itself!

Out the way! Out the way! Move!

I'm gonna do the splits like jean Claude Van Damme in Timecop. We have to retrieve the Taser!

I don't have the flexibility! What's the racket going on here, darling?

Nothing, Mum. It doesn't look like nothing to me.

It looks like cell phones have turned into a snake and now it's got your gun thingy!

No, look, it's under control! It's totally under control.

Look! Look! It's goin' out the dog door. It's goin' out the dog door!

My God! All the neighbours are up.

It's got the cat! It's got the cat!

Now they've got the neighbour.

My God. I'm going back to bed.

Go. Go. Go, go, go, go, go! Requesting backup.

In pursuit of a snake that's made out of old cell phones.

It's also commandeered a police Taser.

In police training, you learn how to deal with every situation,