Relentless

Was all of it for nothing?

See? They didn't accept me. The psychiatrist said no.

I'm not sick.

What do I do now?

Tell me, please, what now?

This is Todd, and I can't come to the phone right now.

But don't hang up, okay? I hate these machines just as much as you do.

Anyway, leave a message after the beep, tell me why you called

and I swear to God I'll call you back, okay?

Wait for the beep.

I called to see if you were home.

I have to kill you tonight.

I have to kill you tonight.

This is very auspicious, Dietz.

You're removing your uniform for the very last time.

Don't break my balls.

Did you hear that? The guy makes detective,

the first thing he does is turn on his old friends.

That's not true. I never liked you guys.

So who's comin'?

Where you goin'?

Kelly's. Oh, you buying?

Yeah, why not?

Let's bust him.

Officer Dietz.

Yes, Lieutenant Cardoza.

Get that locker cleared out?

Yes, Lieutenant Cardoza.

Put the show on the road.

Thank you, Lieutenant Cardoza.

Hey, Dietz.

Bye, Archie.

Adios, Dietz, good luck.

I'm tellin' you, don't worry about it.

It's probably just some wacko.

Oh, shit. You know, that's what I'm afraid of.

Look, I got a tape.

You want this tape?

No. It's got his voice on it.

Give me the tape.

Okay, the investigators will call you in a couple of days.

When they do, you tell them what you told me.

A couple of days?

Hey, we've got a lot of work.

We don't have a lot of people.

It'll take 3 or 4 days for them to get to your report.

Meantime, go home, lock your doors, go to sleep.

If the guy calls you, call us, all right?

Have a good night.

Here.

It's all right.

It's easy.

Let me help you.

There.

It's over.

What do you feel like for breakfast?

Dying.

Oh, come on, wake up.

All right.

Oh, Detective Dietz, don't you look handsome?

Corey. Corey!

I'd love you to practice, but not first thing in the morning, huh?

Good morning.

What are you makin'?

Avocado omelet.

How about sausage and peppers?

Sausage and peppers? Next time your mom and dad come to visit.

Yeah, well, I don't even have the time.

You got plenty of time, take your vitamins.

No, I want to get there early. You know, introduce myself to the guys.

Sam, can you do me a favor?

Just this once, try and remember

that you don't have to set the world on fire your first day.

I know, just be myself.

No.

I said, you don't have to set the world on fire.

Like, be mellow?

Carol, that's so west coast.

Kid, never marry a girl from the west coast.

I don't like girls.

Well, don't marry a boy from the west coast either.

Avocado omelet up.

I gotta go. Be good, I love you.

My hero, are you nervous?

Naw.

A little.

I thought so.

She does that to me all the time, too.

All right, captain, I'm workin' on it right now.

Yeah, and why don't you quit smokin', too?

I'm tryin'.

I think above and beyond that, you got to go through Captain Blakely,

except you don't wanna do that. He's a jerk-off.

You're better off going through his secretary Francine, over there.

This is gonna be your desk.

Just scrape that shit off, put your stuff in the drawer.

Everybody, listen up.

This is Sam Dietz. He's gonna be working with me now.

How're you doin'?

Nice talking to you.

Nice jacket.

Malloy, homicide. Hollywood.

Take the rookie with you.

Rookie?

Come on, let's go.

I got a name. He calls me rookie?

Is that the jerk-off?

No, that's another one.

How many jerk-offs you got around here?

Got exactly 8. Hope you don't make 9.

Jeez, standing here reminds me.

Remember that one where the girl strangled her boyfriend

with a soap-on-a-rope? Were you on that?

No, no, that was Bob Connely.

I was on that classy one.

The guy drowned his girl in the toilet.

Oh, yeah, yeah! Did you ever break that?

No.

Hey, take this to the lab.

Who is this... this guy?

Oh, MacAfee retired. This is my new partner.

Oh.

Bulldog, what are you doin'?

Checkin' things out.

Yeah?

Why don't you, uh, sniff around out there, see what you can find?

Okay.

What do you think these condos go for?

Find anything?

That knife he was killed with belonged to the victim.

He's got a whole set of them.

So?

So why would he get killed with his own steak knife?

Maybe his girlfriend was a vegetarian.

His girlfriend wouldn't have to look up his address and underline it.

Well, maybe he was a male hooker, and he stumbled on a burglar.

Burglar? He's got a watch and a ring in plain sight on the dresser, Malloy.

Maybe the killer was blind, but I'll bet you've got a better idea.

Better than a male hooker with a vegetarian girlfriend

who finds a blind burglar in his bathroom, huh?

You've been a detective for 2 hours, you've got all the right answers?

Our boys said all the lights were on in the apartment.

So the stiff was afraid of the dark.

He sure was last night.

Now look,

the shower curtain's pulled back.

That's not the way he normally kept it.

You're probably wondering how I figured that out.

If you keep a plastic shower curtain pulled back,

you get mildew in the folds.

No mildew.

How about that?

Now, this other thing is just a guess.

But I'm saying, Todd comes into the apartment,

he thinks somebody else is here. He gets a knife from the kitchen,

turns on all the lights, and he comes in here. He's looking.

He pulls the shower curtain back...

Hold it.

He was behind the curtain.

You can practically see through this. You can't hide behind something like that.

So where did he come from?

From out there.

Todd pulls it back, he doesn't find anybody.

He turns around, the killer comes through the door, they scuffle.

Ba-bing, Todd goes down just like that.

What, do you think this is a joke?

Oh, oops.

Would you excuse us, please?

Let me tell you somethin' about police work.

All that stuff you just figured out so brilliantly is bullshit.

That's okay, because most of what we do is bullshit.

But the bullshit that you just dumped on us is useless bullshit.

It doesn't help us.

Well, thanks for your advice, old-timer.

Hey, knock off the old-timer stuff. I don't want a snot-nose for a partner.

Then don't tell me I'm not helping.

You're not helping us. You wanna help us?

Tell us who the fuck this guy is!

What the fuck is with the phone book? Who the fuck killed him?

Now how the fuck do I know? It's my first day.

That's right, it's your first day.

We all acted that way on our first day. It's, uh, sort of a tradition.

Come on, let's get somethin' to eat.

Eat?

I think that we ought to get something to eat.

We wait for the lab report, wait for the autopsy, we wait for the prints.

Then we make with the theories. Thanks.

I just feel like we ought to be doin' something, Malloy.

Like interrogating someone?

Oh, yeah?

Excuse me.

What exactly was your relationship to the deceased?

All right, all right.

We eat.

Hello?

Hello?

Los Angeles Police Department.

We're sorry, all available lines are busy.

Stay on the line. An officer will answer your call

in the order in which it was received. Thank you.