Footy Legends

Come on, mate, you can get this. I can feel it.

I'm going to be right outside, right here with ya.

Remember that try you scored against Bass High, huh?

-How good was that? -Yeah, that was all right.

Yeah? Or… or that tackle you made against St. Dom's.

-That was unreal. -That was good, eh?

-You're the man. -I'm the man.

You're gonna get this job.

-I'll get this job, Lloydy! -Yeah.

Yeah.

[announcer speaking indistinctly over PA system]

-You can't come with me. -Why not?

'Cause you just can't.

-So, you a Holden or a Ford man? -Yeah, definitely Holden.

We just lost our best sales rep to bloody Ford, so

now we've got to get a new one.

Yeah, I've just lost my job

at the fire extinguisher company that closed down last year.

You probably heard about that.

I was putting together the canisters and stuff, so I'm very good with mechanics

and tools and that.

We're looking for a salesman, mate, not a mechanic.

Yeah, I can sell cars.

A good salesman can sell anything, not just cars.

They make us believe in them. Can you do that?

Yep, definitely.

Sell me this latte.

This latte is made from fine glass,

eh, imported from Sweden.

It's very tough, you know, it won't break, like, no matter what you do.

I'll buy one.

- How'd you go? -Stupid job anyway.

[woman speaking indistinctly over PA system]

-Lloydy. -You got one. Yes!

Luc Vu, you're Anne's guardian?

-What did you do this time? -My name's Alison Berry.

I'm with the Department of Community Services.

We've been waiting for you since three.

Do you want to go to your room?

Anne's school has lodged a formal complaint about you.

About what?

Ah, well, your sister's constantly ill, and, uh, she's missing lunches.

-Her school fees still aren't paid. -Yeah, like, she's all right.

So you can go away if you want.

The department's issued you an order to appear in court.

I have to hand this over to you.

Thank you.

Hands on your waist.

Hands on your waist.

It's a cold day, all right?

- Mikey, move it. - No.

-Move it. -No. You're a dole bludger.

-Who bloody told you that? -Shane.

Who said that to ya?

- Shane. -Hang on a second.

- Tell me. Now. - Shane?

-Come on, boys, pack it in. -We're all strong, yeah.

Go on, Terry!

Don! Don!

I've got it!

Oi! Oi! Which one of you boys owns that trailer?

-I do. -Yeah?

Well, can you scavengers go back and clean up your mess?

It was already messy.

Listen, mate, you either go back and clean it up now,

or we'll throw your whole bloody trailer in our truck.

-Take it easy, mate. We'll do it later. -You'll do it now.

-You touch anything, you'll regret it. - Hear that?

These girls here who play footy like sheilas want us to regret it.

These boys were playing footy? Look more like netball to me.

That's funny, huh? Netball. That's funny. At least we've got teeth.

Fellas!

Pick it up!

Go! Go!

Yes! There you go!

Oh, these guys stink!

- -

Incoming!

Hey, girl boys?

- -

You're gone!

Come on!

- -

Grandad.

Ahh…

Hi, Grandad.

I got two As and a B. I got a B for English.

- I spelt "cholesterol" wrong. -Ah.

Okay?

Bam!

You hear me?

Bam!

What are you doing?

You're a slow coach. You can't get me.

You're a slow coach.

Oh yeah?

- - Ah!

Mom used to like the skin.

Just eat it.

Mom used to like drinking coffee.

Mom used to like going to garage sales.

Oh yeah?

Mom used to like shoes.

Mom used to like

flowers.

Mom used to like making cakes.

Mom used to like doing my hair.

Hey, look.

Well, its head's come out. How'd you do that?

What does it eat?

Um, insects and stuff.

Okay, I haven't fed it yet.

Hey!

-Do you like it? -Yeah.

-Yeah? -

-Can I help you there? -Oh, hi.

Um, I was wondering…

You've cut my money for this week, and just wondering…?

Yes, well, we checked your forms last week,

and you didn't apply for all those jobs you said you did.

Yeah, I did.

You're supposed to apply for five jobs a week.

We checked with, ah, Video Ezy, Woolworths, Hong's Bakery…

None of them have even heard of you. So you've been penalized.

Oh, come on.

It makes no difference if I apply or not. They're not gonna give me the job anyway.

You still have to apply.

I've been going to interviews for months.

Come on, mate, stop whinging. I've been going for years. Come on.

Luc?

Luc?

Let's get a beer, mate.

Everything in here is for people with degrees and shit.

I'm thinking of joining the army.

You?

Why not?

You can't, man. You're way too soft.

If there's anyone here that can fight, it's me.

G'day.

Hi. Um, I was wondering if you wanted another sausage man.

I think I'd be very good at it.

No, mate. I've already got a sausage.

What about a steak or a spare rib? What about a spare rib?

Honestly, mate, only need one bloke dressed as a sausage.

There's not enough room out on my pavement.

But what if he dresses as a spare rib and promotes you somewhere else?

He could walk around Yagoona as a spare rib for ya.

No, how about at the footy?

-What footy? -At the Holden Cup next month.

How about we play in the cup, and we'll put your name on our jerseys.

You're playing in the cup?

-You and your bloody ideas. -We can do this, man.

We've just gotta register seven players.

No point, is there?

They're not gonna play.

-Look at these, man. -They're bloody sausages.

They're as good as anything.

We might even get to go on TV.

-Eh? -Can't believe this.

Get off.

[TV playing indistinctly in the background]

Bloody hell!