Ted Lasso

Go, Sam Obisanya. Go, Sam Obisanya.

Today has been all about one man.

Take a bow, Sam Obisanya. The first hat trick of his career.

Three goals for Obisanya.

Three points for Richmond as their incredible run of form continues.

They will now enter the final match of the season

one win away from promotion back to the Premier League.

An incredible turnaround.

Thataway, Sam!

What a performance by the young Nigerian, Chris.

It's exciting to see a young player realizing his potential, Arlo.

-One more, one more. One more. -All right, bro. See you later.

See you later. All right. Peace.

Yeah.

-Bravo, Sam. -Three goals.

-All right. See you later. -That's gold. That's it, dude.

-Congratulations, Sam. Well done. -Thank you, Liza.

See you later.

Well done, matey.

Wish me luck.

Watch out!

I can't believe it's happening.

The whole idea of it has got me going like…

Oh, stop. You getting all…

is just fear getting in the way of what you deserve.

Are you making fun of me with my…

Of course not.

It's just, you went… And I thought I can't improve on that.

I'm just gonna have to replicate it.

Thank you.

Bing-bong, you ding-dongs.

-Ted. -Yeah?

Guess who is going to be featured in Vanity Fair's business issue

as a powerful woman on the rise.

I finally got it? This is incredible!

-Ted. -Yeah?

Not you. Keeley.

Oh, that makes more sense. Hey, congrats, Keeley.

That's gonna be a Vanity Fair to remember.

Oh, it's just an honor to be mad fit and successful.

Yeah.

So, ladies, I'm here both to give and receive.

Dr. Sharon's last day is tomorrow,

and we're all chipping in to get her something special.

-What did you decide on? -An envelope of cash.

You know, I figured she already has all our deep, dark secrets.

Kinda tough to top that with a scarf and a candle, you know?

Right.

-Yeah. Whatever you got. -Let's see.

Oh, you know what? Here you go.

Lovely. Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah. It all spends the same.

All right. Appreciate you.

-Hello, people. -Higgins!

Leslie.

I just received an email from Edwin Akufo,

and he wants to speak with you, Rebecca.

Okay.

Who is Edwin Akufo?

His father owns the largest tech firm in Ghana.

Wait a second. I thought I did.

Until he died last month.

I apologize for my joke.

Edwin just inherited £1.2 billion and loves football.

And?

And I think he wants to buy the club.

Hi. Got the suit Ted bought you back from the dry cleaners.

Oh, it's my suit.

The second Ted gave it to me,

ownership transferred, and it became my suit, Will.

Right.

Oi, are my eyebrows crazy?

I've gotta do a photo shoot with Keeley tonight,

and the photo shoot coordinator told me my eyebrows are crazy.

Jesus, are my eyebrows crazy?

They wanna do a "at home with the footballer boyfriend" shot.

Bet they won't even use it.

She also told me I've gotta wear all black so that Keeley pops.

-You're always wearing black. -This isn't black.

This is dark heather charcoal.

I love hearing fellas debate fashion. Who's winning?

Oh, Ted, can I run a new tactic by you?

Yeah, you can run it, walk it, cartwheel it to me. I don't care.

Call me Dumbo, 'cause I'm all ears.

-Is that a yes? -Yes.

Okay. When we play Brentford, we should play with a false nine.

-Couldn't agree more. What is that? -Play without strikers.

Okay. Wait, so Jamie and Dani ain't gonna play?

They do, but they play in midfield where no one expects them to be.

-Yeah. -I see.

Okay, so we got both our aces tucked up our sleeves, huh?

Love that. That's fun.

Okay, today let's go ahead and try out your fake nine.

False nine.

-Hey, this looks very nice. -Thank you.

Here we go again.

Give Ted yet another idea he'll take all the credit for.

That's the job, son.

Do you guys ever wanna be in charge?

Be the boss?

Get all the credit?

You know, we used to believe that trees competed with each other for light.

Suzanne Simard's field work challenged that perception,

and we now realize that the forest is a socialist community.

Trees work in harmony to share the sunlight.

Can't you just give me a straight answer for once?

I think he just did.

Right. When this works, which it will,

I'm telling everyone it was my idea, which it was.

Your eyebrows aren't crazy.

Thank you.

They're psychotic.

I appreciate that.

They can't maintain their lines.

-These guys are just not in sync. -It's okay.

Oh, hell no. No, no. Hey, hey.

No. No, no. Guys, come on. That ain't gonna cut it.

Y'all gotta be together on this, all right? It's like this.

You may hate me, but it ain't no lie. Yeah?

Then the hands. Bye, bye, bye. All right?

And watch my jumps. Ain't no lie.

See how I'm jumping? Like I'm a marionette.

That's why this song is on the album No Strings Attached, all right?

Yes. Okay, good.

Now, look, fellas, performing this at Doc's going-away party

ain't gonna mean Bo Jackson diddly squat

unless she can tell how hard we worked on it.

You know what I mean?

It ain't the execution. That ain't the gift. It's the effort.

Yeah? Okay? You see what I mean?

Uh-oh.

Okay.

Okay.

My most sincere apologies.

I was told your training would be finished by now.

Oh, that's okay. Hakuna matata, right?

Oh, I'm sorry. That was kind of racist, wasn't it?

Oh, you know, Timon and Pumbaa are cartoons.

-So I'll let it slide. -Hey, I appreciate you.

So, you must be Edwin Akufo, huh?

-Yeah, I am. -I'm Ted Lasso.

I don't shake hands.

But I have someone who does. Francis.

-Oh. Hi. -Yes.

That is one of the best handshakes I've ever hand shook right there.

Firm yet comforting, you know, like a weighted blanket for my hand toes.

So, I bet you're looking to chop it up with Miss Welton, yeah?

If that's not impossible.

Well, you say impossible, but all I hear is "I'm possible."

Makes more sense when written down.

-Okay. -Yeah.

-Right this way, fellas. -Thank you.

-Take it from here? -If it's gotta be me.

Okay, Greyhounds, now let's get in formation!

Will, here we go!

Five, six, seven, eight.

Come on.

Good.

Hit this.

That was it!

Yes!

I cannot tell you how much I admire what your club has done this season.

Relegation destroys some teams,

but it's only seemed to have made yours stronger.

That's all 'cause of the boss right here. Trickle-down economics may stink,

but trickle-down support smells like pizza,

roses and, I assume, Viola Davis.

I do care about this club, Mr. Akufo.

Very much.

That's why I'll cut straight to the point

and tell you that I'm not interested in selling.

Oh, I'm not trying to buy your club.

I'm interested in buying one of your players.

Sam Obisanya.

But Rebecca loves Sam.

Yeah, we all love Sam.

Exactly.

Also, Sam is under contract with us for another three years.

Yes, I understand.

Therefore, I would offer you a generous transfer fee

of so much money that people would think I'm crazy,

and you've taken advantage of me,

in a financial, non-sexual way, of course.

I believe he's making you an offer you can't refuse.

Oh, Godfather, I see you.

Well, I'm refusing an offer he can't make.

Is that a quote from the third movie?

I just have one question.

What club is it that you actually own?

Oh, I don't.

At least, not one I can talk about yet.

But it is a team in Africa,

and I figured that Sam might appreciate the opportunity to play near his family.

You know, his home.

Well, gosh dang it. Now I wish we had two Sams, you know?

One for y'all and one for us.

Where are we at with cloning these days, by the way?

Them Scottish folks have been mighty quiet on that front for a while,

which means we gotta be close, right?