Haul Out the Holly: Lit Up

If you're not familiar with Evergreen Lane,

it is the most magical Christmas street in the whole world

with the most intense HOA rules imaginable.

My parents can take a lot of credit for that.

And somehow, the entire neighborhood is

on board for their craziness.

But they always had the best intentions.

I learned the hard way last Christmas.

And you know what?

I wouldn't trade that experience for the world.

I had such a wonderful time in this odd little lane

that I decided to make it my home again.

And I'm even dating the boy next door.

My quirky neighbors are now my family.

Hey.

And this year, I am all in.

Actually, we're all in it together.

That looks so good. Thank you.

Because if there's one thing I've learned,

the point of Christmas is to bring as much joy

to as many people as possible.

Go.

Hey, Dad.

Is that a camera?

No.

It's a theodolite.

It's for geological surveying.

You planning something big with your decorations this year?

Mind blowing.

Attention all units.

This is Agent Sugarplum reporting an on time arrival

of the necessary nutcracker.

Over.

Just one sec.

You know the rules.

Come on.

36 inches from shoe to chapeau.

Seriously?

It's the same exact nutcracker as last year.

I'm just double checking.

What, making sure he didn't magically shrink

inside of his storage bin?

I'm making sure no one accuses me of giving my girlfriend

special treatment.

Look at that.

You're in the clear.

Oh, so no citation.

Sadly, no.

I will settle for a kiss, however.

Do you think that I only kiss you to get out of citations?

Why do you think I keep writing them?

You know, I was thinking that if down the road,

we ended up on a more permanent basis--

I'm listening.

--then in that scenario, hypothetically, we'd only

have to decorate one house.

You mean we only get to decorate one house.

Ned, you have to move that.

Men at work.

Enough with the PDA, you two.

You're making me sick.

Oh, come on.

You're way worse with Allan.

It's true.

Three more long and lonely weeks until he gets back.

But it's an El Nino year, so I'm not holding my breath.

Actually, it's a La Nina year, La Nina from the Spanish

for little girl.

It's the colder counterpart to the oceanic and

atmospheric phenomenon, which is known

as the Southern Oscillation.

Thank you, Ned.

If I had a meteorology merit badge,

I'd pin it on your parka.

You see what I'm dealing with? - Well, it's getting intense.

Haul out the holly.

Put up the tree before my spirit falls again.

Fill up the stocking.

I may be rushing things, but deck the halls

again now for we need a little Christmas

right this very minute, candles in the window,

carols at the spinet.

Guess we need a little Christmas right this very minute.

It hasn't snowed a single flurry.

But Santa dear, we're in a hurry.

So climb down the chimney.

Put up the brightest string of lights I've ever seen.

Slice up the fruitcake.

It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough.

OK, everyone, get together.

Say evergreen on three.

1, 2, 3, evergreen.

Group hug.

As you can see,

we're all very close, almost too close.

OK, that's good. Yeah.

So when a house

goes up for sale on Evergreen Lane,

it causes quite the commotion.

I can't believe the Chapmans are gone.

Oh, I'm going to miss Nancy's snickerdoodles.

I blame myself.

She probably got tired of me absolutely

destroying her in the cookie contest

year after year after year.

I'm pretty sure her law firm transferred her to Seattle.

OK.

Tell yourself whatever you need to feel better, sweetie.

The real question is, are they up to the task

that awaits them, or are we going to have to go

medieval on their merriment?

Now, come clean, Farnsworth.

What are we dealing with here?

Ned, I am in the dark on this one.

The realtor filed the HOA paperwork.

How mysterious.

I wonder who it could be.

Wait a minute.

I think I know how we can get to the bottom of this.

OK.

What would you like to know?

Who's moving into the house next door?

The House Next Door

is a 2002 thriller directed by Joey Travolta.

Sorry, Mary Louise.

I don't think the technology is quite there yet.

Well, they knew when Sizzler was open.

Listen, I'm sure whoever moves in, they're

going to be wonderful.

Yeah.

Oh, I just hope it's not the couple we saw the other day.

Why? They seem so nice.

They seem nice, but I suspected

insufficient holiday spirit.

Oh, how so?

They were wearing beanies with no pompoms.

- Exactly. - Wait.

Seriously?

What does that have to do with anything?

Ned, you want to take this one?

Pompoms are jocular, like a corncob pipe,

like a Christmas pendant, like cookies for breakfast.

They convey a sense of playfulness,

ergo, holiday spirit.

If you choose to wear a winter hat

and also choose not to wear a pompom,

it is a dead giveaway you're a Grinch in hiding.

Glad I'm not a Grinch.

Don't get cocky, kid.

You still got a long way ahead of you.

Where's your pompom?

Well done, Emily.

The student becomes the teacher.

Thank you.

Some holiday treats for the HOA meeting.

Aww. That was so sweet of you.

Thanks for doing that.

You're welcome.

I'm also hoping to buy a little forgiveness.

- For what? - I can't make it.

Again? Why?

I have a meeting with the Millers about the remodel.

Do you think you can cover for me?

Of course, I can. But--

Any questions anybody has, they can call, text, email.

I will take care of it.

I think you forgot singing telegram.

Absolutely, unless it's Pamela.

What's wrong?

OK, I'm going to say it.

I don't feel like you're prioritizing Christmas.

Emily Melrose, the woman I had to citate last year to come

to my white elephant party? - I know.

But now I am all in.

And I just want to know that we're all in together.

Oh, I am all in.

Believe me.

I just have this one last thing to do.

Trust me. - All right.

OK. All right.

Going to need this.

All right.

A lot of nuts.

I have so much to do.

I just haven't been this nervous since HOA election night.

It's probably best if you keep that between us.

The stakes are so high.

I just don't want logistics to mess it up.

This is supposed to be the most exhilarating

moment of your life, Jared.

You sound like you're planning a block party.

Please.

I've planned many a block parties in my day, Jess.

But I've never had a coordinate a horse and buggy, a string

quartet, a glassblower, an ornamental locksmith,

and an Austrian composer to write original Christmas

music so that--

Maybe we should think about simplifying the plan.

I may be a simple man, but I do not make simple plans.

It's just the holidays are stressful as it is.