Wilfred

Shit.

What did you do?

What did I do?

You ruined my shoe.

And you just put a footprint on the Mona Lisa.

Did you see the swirl on that masterpiece,

the form, the texture, the taper of the pinch point?

Why do I bother? You don't know shit.

I'm the one who should be mad.

I have a lot of work to do, and taking time away

from my desk for these little walks isn't helping.

Oh, you call this a walk?

You haven't even asked me about my day

or how much I'm missing Jenna

or what I'm gonna do with my life now I've finay pulled

the squeaker out of that sheepskin chew toy.

I'm checking interest rates.

It's been a while since I've had money

to invest, and I want to be smart about it.

Yeah, while you're planning for the future,

you're completely missing out on the present.

That's why you've been stepping in shit your whole life.

Things are different now.

I have a job, a girlfriend. And yet

you still spend all your time worrying

- about what you don't have. - Look, it's easy not to worry

when you don't have any real problems.

Dogs don't have to think

about money or crime or social injustice.

We don't think about those things

because our noses keep us in the present.

We stop and smell the roses, every goddamn one of them.

Open your nostrils and smell around you, Ryan.

Dirty diapers,

sour milk puddles,

used tranny ass-condoms.

Dude, we are so lucky we live in L.A.

We really do have it all.

Have I still got ants in my teeth?

Who are you talking to?

You know me, Warner,

I'm always interested in any investment opportunity

you bring my way.

Yeah, okay, sounds good.

All right, I'll see you then.

Hey, Ryan.

Hey, Wilfred.

Hey, Kevin.

Sounded like something pretty big went down in there.

Sorry about that.

I went to a new Colombian restaurant last night.

Ooh, Colombian.

I meant on the phone.

Oh, right, duh.

My investment guy is working on a huge real estate deal.

I'm about to get pizzaid.

Ugh, it's my kid.

I'll see him in the morning.

Whoo, this smells like shit in here!

Hey, you got some money laying around?

I could hook you up with my guy.

Really, you'd do that for me?

I got you this job, didn't I?

I'll hook you up with an interview.

You don't have to do that for me.

If you vouch for him, I'm sure he's fine.

No, no, no, you don't interview Warner.

Warner interviews you.

He's very picky about the people he does business with,

but trust me, if you get in with him...

...You're gonna be living large.

Give me five.

Oh, ten coming back.

I think I just doubled your investment.

What, what, what?

So what was that all about?

You thinking about investing our money?

I thought we were talking about getting me my own place.

First of all, it's not our money,

and if, by "your place," you mean the doghouse

in the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog,

that's $9,000.

It's real estate, Ryan.

All that matters is location, location, location.

I'm thinking Jenna's backyard.

I mean, the schools are kind of shitty,

but I'm not planning on having kids anytime soon.

It's like when I'm stalking a squirrel, all right?

I'm totally in the moment.

I'm not thinking about how this squirrel is named Craig

and how he's a pretty good guy

and he just came out to his family

and how happy he is with nuts in his mouth.

Honestly, I didn't even mean it like that.

Nice.

Kevin's investment guy wants to meet for lunch.

You're doing it again, Ryan.

You're not living in the now.

So what?

Why do you suddenly care so much?

I'm just trying to get you to savor

what little time you have left.

What are you talking about?

Look, this isn't how I wanted you to find out.

Find out what?

This isn't an easy thing to tell you.

Ryan, you're dying.

It's true.

Not long after we met, you were asleep

and I was carefully placing my hair in the water glass

on your bedside table like I always do.

Well, I smelled something.

It's a tumor.

In-in your brain.

- Dogs can't smell tu... - We can.

You're lying.

Ryan, do you know what the symptoms

of a brain tumor are?

Anxiety, blackouts.

Hallucinations.

Any of that sound familiar?

But if that's true...

that means that everything...

Jesus, Wilfred. What are you doing?

I can't bear to see you suffer, mate.

I promised myself I'd do the same thing you'd do for me.

What any friend would do.

I'm... I'm putting you down.

No, this is one of your little head games.

That-that gun's not... shit!

No, no. No, no, don't... don't do this.

I'm begging you.

See you on the rainbow bridge, Ryan.

Oh, please, please, God, no!

Gotcha.

"Gotcha"? "Gotcha"?

Can't risk the window thing leading back to me.

Already got a couple of priors.

What the hell is going on?

Ryan, did you feel that?

Exhilarating!

That's living in the moment!

Wouldn't you like to feel that way all the time?

You're an asshole.

Give me your wallet, bitch.

Oh. Oh, I get it.

This is... this is part of your little lesson, too?

Hey, who's he talking to?

Ryan, I swear, I don't know them.

Shut this dog up or I will.

Come on.

This is all your fault.

How come, every time I follow you somewhere,

- I lose my wallet? - Stop yelling at me!

I just had a gun jammed in my face,

you insensitive prick!

Have you any idea how terrifying that is?

Oh, I am so done with you.

Ryan, Ryan, something's wrong.

I can't... I can't smell anything.

Maybe I'm just...

Maybe I just need something stronger.

Nothing.

Can you smell them?

Jesus, what the hell??

Nothing.

No infection. No obstruction.

So he's faking it.

You mean, is it mental?

Well, dogs can lose their sense of smell from stress.

Has, uh, Wilfred been in any stressful situation recently?

Oh, you mean like getting nostril-raped by a Glock 17?

Not that I can think of.

Listen, keep a close eye on him.

Dogs really rely on their sense of smell.

Without it, he can get confused or maybe even lost.

I can't believe this is happening.

I mean, I've heard of trauma causing blindness,

like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles

walked in on each other masturbating.

Well, it serves you right for that stunt you pulled.

Ryan, you don't understand.

Now that I can't smell,

it's like my brain has nothing to do.

It's like time has slowed to a crawl

and my head is full of these... things.

They're-they're like voices,

constantly questioning and analyzing.

Those are thoughts, Wilfred.

Thoughts?

You know what you need?

An activity to keep your mind busy.

Read a book or something.

A book? Yeah, right.

Maybe if it had pictures. That moved.

And sound. And Matt Damon in it.

And in the middle of the movie, Matt Damon would be like...

Now, there's a book I'd like to read.

O... kay.

Where were we?