The Goldbergs

Ah, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."

Back in the day, college kids loved watching

this cult classic on Halloween, except for the one college kid

who could never decide what movie to see.

Will you stop being a nightmare on this street

and pick a Halloween movie already?

But it has to be perfect... one part scary, one part thriller‐y,

and no parts "Gremlins." Too many rules.

But gremlins only have three rules... no bright lights,

no water, and no feeding after midnight.

Oh, my God, boring Geoff.

Every time you talk, I feel like I'm reading.

Speaking of, I'm off to the library...

or what you like to call the book zoo.

It's Halloween.

Take a break from studying and see a movie with me.

Sorry, dude, but this conversation was my study break.

Plus, watching Barry eat popcorn is the real horror show.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I didn't know there was a new "Rocky" movie!

Dope, that's not Rocky Balboa. That's "Rocky Horror."

So the Italian Stallion fights a werewolf?

It is the boxer's natural enemy, after Mr. T's and Russians.

No, it's a spoof of horror movies,

but with the singer Meat Loaf.

While I love his passionate vocal range,

he's more loaf than meat.

Rocky would own him.

That's because it's not "Rocky."

This one has singing and dancing and audience participation.

Ew. I'm in.

And so Barry decided to give "Rocky Horror Picture Show"

a shot, and to his surprise, he kind of dug it.

After all, he got to throw stuff and make tons of noise...

...and play with water guns and chuck toilet paper.

This is the best "Rocky" movie ever.

And even though he still thought it was a "Rocky" movie,

Barry was obsessed.

Oh!

Season 07 Episode 06 Title : "A 100% True Ghost Story"

It was October 30, 1980‐something,

and one of our family's most legendary, terrifying,

and 100% true stories was about to take place.

It's showtime!

Is this a Halloween costume

or one of your everyday dumb things?

It's Beetlejuice.

Hey! My bagel! Watch it, beetle bug.

Sorry, but I'm a reckless spirit who causes havoc.

I'm a hungry spirit that pays the bills, so shut up.

Beloved family, look at these old, dusty...

and therefore priceless...

fancy French paintings I bought at a garage sale.

Oh, boy. I just discovered why art is important.

You paid for that crap? I could paint better butts.

You know, I'm glad you said that,

because there's a couples painting class

at The Learning Annex...

I love 'em. Put 'em up.

Great! Adam, be careful on the stairs.

Don't be a clumsy gorkus and smash into them.

I love you, but you're a gorkus.

Hey, Bevy, the boy's no Gregory Hines,

but he knows how to work a staircase.

I just defended you, ya gorkus!

Look at these treasures.

- Aren't they lovely? - They're butts.

Yeah, those dusty old butt paintings were there to stay...

that is, until day turned to night

and strange things started to happen.

- Adam, I told you to stay off the stairs! - Adam, you moron!

But I wasn't on the stairs. In fact, no one was.

Murray, that wasn't Adam.

He just walked in dressed as an old Hawaiian lady.

I'm Weird Al.

I only changed my costume

'cause there's another Beetlejuice at school.

I let Zach Rosen have the win.

His parents are getting divorced.

Thanks for that journey,

but if it wasn't you, how did that picture fall?

Something's not right here,

something beyond the scope of our understanding.

She was right. Something was up,

something otherworldly and not quite...

That was my accordion. What a haunting sound, huh?

Yep. Those paintings were creepy.

But when the clock struck midnight,

things got truly terrifying.

Murray, wake up. Something's going on downstairs.

It's probably just a burglar. Go back to bed.

But she was too freaked out to sleep,

so she made my dad go check it out,

and this is how he explained it.

Yeah, it's just the house settling.

But an hour later, another one fell.

And my dad found a new reason why.

Wind did it.

But the paintings just kept falling.

Tiny earthquake.

Army ants. Magnets.

Meteor shower.

Wall raccoon.

Local train derailment.

Local volcano.

Army ants again.

Local youths who were on the train

that derailed earlier.

While my dad thought he had all the answers,

my sister was trying to memorize them

for her next test.

Having fun with that thing?

Oh, you know it. Had a brief scare with the phone cord,

but it's been smooth sailing since the rug.

Good Hallow's Eve, sister.

Geofferson. What do you want?

I'd very much like to host an intimate gathering

to celebrate the passing of October.

A Halloween party?

I love it. That's way better than my idea.

We shall burn this dorm to the ground.

It's not happening.

But you're the one who's always saying

how important it is for me to make new college friends.

The word I used was "impossible."

Well, it won't be when it's "Rocky Horror" ‐themed.

Oh, that sounds like a good time...

to consider how Erica might feel about it.

There isn't gonna be a party, because I have a chem midterm

to study for, and so do you.

Then we're in full agreement.

- Good talk. - Barry,

there will be no ragers, no bashes, no shindigs,

hootenannies, soirees, amusements, teas, galas,

festivities, or functions of any kind.

I hear you loud and angry.

But he really didn't.

Geoff soon discovered that Barry didn't care

- what Erica thought. - Oh, no.

Yep, Big Tasty's "Rocky Horror" party was very much on...

Oh, no.

...and very well advertised.

Oh, cuss word, no!

Oh, cuss word, yes, my high‐strung friend.

Barry, y‐you can't!

And yet I have.

I'm also doing this.

Oh, no! This sweet autumn breeze will be the end of me!

As Geoff freaked out about Barry's party,

things got even freakier back home.

Somebody slashed my art.

Yep, this 100% really happened.

You know what that means, don't you?

We have a ghost, and that ghost hates butts.

Stop! There's no such thing as ghosts!

Of course there is!

There's Large Marge from "Pee‐wee's Big Adventure,"

the poltergeist from "Poltergeist,"

and Blinky, Inky, Pinky, and Clyde from "Pac‐Man."

Those are some very compelling examples, Murray.

Examples of things that aren't real.

It's obviously a spirit with unfinished business

trapped in the realm of the living.

- Obviously. - Ghosts aren't real!

Our mailman's niece ignored a scary ghost

who frightened her so badly

that her hair turned bone‐white,

and now she has to play Mrs. Santa Claus

at a year‐round Christmas store.

It's hard to argue with that iron‐clad evidence,

eh, but let me try... no ghosts!

Adam, we have to get to the bottom of this.

On it! You got the fear, I got the gear.

We were haunted, probably,

which finally gave me reason to say this.

I ain't afraid of no ghost.

I mean, a little, but let's do this.

And so we scoured the house

from this side of the dining table

to that side,

until finally my mom felt an icy presence.

Adam, right here.

I'm getting chills and goose bumps

right here under this vent.

Will you two knuckleheads stop yakking about ghosts?

I'm trying to watch the Eagles blow a lead.

How could you be watching sports right now?

A departed soul is interplaying with our world.

Yeah, it's not.

To be clear, you would never believe in anything

that couldn't be explained?

- Of course not. - Interesting.

So, if I came into the den and touched this wall

during an Eagles game,

that wouldn't bother you even a little?

Bup, bup, bup! Keep your hands off my lucky wall.

Tony Franklin misses the extra point!

He's Mr. Automatic! What have you done?!

So you do believe in things that can't be explained,

but only when it suits you.