Spin City

Aaah!

Aaah!

Paul, it's 6:00 A.M.

What the hell are you doin' here?!

I was takin' a sponge bath in the men's room.

By the way, I borrowed your deodorant.

And now my deodorant needs a shave.

What happened to you?

Claudia kicked you out.

No, Claudia did not kick me out.

Her mother did.

I don't understand.

I mean, Claudia cooked a wonderful meal.

My mother-in-law was happy,

and then we had a huge fight when I gave her the bill.

Paul, have a seat.

Paul, the health department...

Let's stand.

Paul, the health department

does not allow people to sleep in city hall.

That's it... no exceptions. That's the rule.

All right.

I'll just bring my stuff over your place tonight.

City hall it is.

No pets, no parties,

and, for the love of god, get some underwear.

Next item... we need a volunteer to mentor a new intern.

Who wants to dedicate some time

to exposing a young mind to city hall?

I wouldn't mind exposing...

Stuart, don't make me put you in the cage.

Aw, come on, people!

Mentoring is a rewarding, meaningful experience,

and I get tickets to the Knicks game.

So, in short, Nikki, you got him.

Why can't Carter do it?

Unfortunately, I'm swamped.

I'd relish the opportunity to shape a fertile mind.

I'd like to shape a fer... Stuart, cage!

I'm sorry I'm late. Traffic was murder.

You're commuting from the copy room!

Somebody, please!

Just take Paul in for a couple of days.

He can stay with me. You can have the top bunk.

You live alone. Why do you need bunk beds?

Hello! In case I get lucky.

Mike, I just wanted you to know

I'm canceling the mayor's campaign-commercial shoot.

Why?

I didn't think it was the right way to go.

That's a good idea, 'cause who knows

if this whole "television" thing will catch on.

Meeting adjourned.

Heh heh! I'd like to adjourn...

ah, I got nothin'.

What's goin' on? You pulled his radio spots, his print ads.

What's your campaign slogan... "shh"?

Look, Mike, I am firmly in control of this campaign.

There's a sophisticated strategy behind every move I make.

You spent the campaign money, didn't you?

Pretty much.

Welcome to the real world, Princess.

Daddy's not here to bail you out with his gold card.

My father left when I was 6 years old.

My mother had to work two jobs just to keep food on the table.

So maybe once in a while,

instead of your sarcastic gibes,

you could give me a little support.

I'm not buyin' it.

I gave it a shot.

Listen, Mike... close the door!

Caitlin just made her first major screwup.

Well, that's okay.

I'm sure we can work as a team and help her out.

Good.

Good. I like that.

Or we can take this opportunity

to crush her and take over the campaign.

And you know what? Let's do mine.

Mike, why do you always have to be so machiavellian?

Carter, you don't understand.

She pushes me out... my political career is over.

T-That's my whole life.

I mean, o-outside of this job,

My life...

Is an empty, meaningless shell.

I'm not buyin' it.

I gave it a shot.

So, Paul's gonna stay at our place for a few days.

He really needs us right now.

What's in it for you, Stuart?

Did it ever occur to you that there are other sides to me?

You only know the Stuart who never cleans the kitchen,

who forgets to write down messages,

and who picks up busgirls at chili's

and has unconventional sex in your bed.

That third Stuart better get his ass out sheet-shopping.

The point is, I'm capable of a selfless act.

There's no ulterior motive here.

Stuart! My connection for the tickets came through!

We're goin' to the super bowl!

I got a lot of work to do.

Could you show this intern around today?

If you think I'm babysitting your intern, you're crazy.

How you doin'? I'm Scott crane... the new intern.

Uh, who do I report to?

Me! Me! Me!

Excuse me... I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Caitlin's probably telling you how she bankrupted the campaign.

Bankrupt?! I didn't hear anything about that!

Well, this is awkward.

Sir, Mike is just trying to make me look bad.

The truth is... you're out of money.

Well, we'll just go to the bank and get some more.

There is no more.

Well, access another account.

There are no other accounts.

Well, sell the beach house.

We don't have a beach house.

Well, then, we got two problems, don't we?

A-Actually, sir, I have a solution...

u-unless you've got something.

Nothing? No?

Okay.

I've been courting a wealthy New York socialite

as a potential campaign donor.

I think now might be a good time for you to sit down with her.

Uh, miss Shaw?

And, sir, don't mention money. Let me bring that up.

No problem, Mike.

Mr. Mayor, it's a pleasure to meet you.

So, Mike tells me you're rich.

Well, I didn't actually...

it's okay, Mike. I know I'm rich.

I'm rich, too.

Then why don't you finance your own campaign?

What are you... nuts? The way we waste money around here?

Oh, my god! My grandmother's here!

Hey, guys!

Oh, my god! She's white!

Paul, what the hell is goin' on in here?!

Doin' my laundry.

There is a laundry room.

Well, you guys only had $10 in quarters.

You used our quarters for laundry?

No, to pay for the pizza.

Oh, by the way, you guys are out of milk.

You washed your clothes in milk?

No, I had a huge bowl of cereal with the pizza.

Oh, by the way, you guys are out of cereal.

This isn't gonna work.

Super bowl, super bowl!

Paul, we're happy to have you here, but...

what's wrong with rags?

Oh, he was all jittery, so I gave him a bowl of whiskey.

By the way, you guys are out of whiskey.

What are you trying to pull, bringing Lindsay Shaw in?

It's my job to run the senate campaign.

Really? And what's that?

It's the ball you dropped.

And I'm picking it up.

And I'm running with the ball.

He fakes left! He fakes right!

He could... Go... All... the... way!

Boom!

Hahhh!

I could have brought Lindsay Shaw in months ago,

but the woman is nothing but trouble.

Oh, I get it... another woman comes along,

and you're all... [ Imitates cat screeching ]

What are you talking about?

You see another woman, and you get all...

Oh, wow, that's really cool.

You can do a cat and a jackass at the same time.

The reason why I didn't bring Lindsay Shaw in

is because the woman will have a huge list of demands.

And I will come right back with a huge list of "no's."

No... big deal, no... Sweat, no... problemo.

Well, I think that's everything.

Okay. Very good.

Well, this has been a very... Profitable afternoon.

We both put our two cents in,

and I think you can bank on me not passing the buck.

Gimme cash.

I'll bring the check tomorrow, Mike.

That press conference will be at 10:00 sharp.

I'm afraid that's set in stone.

Actually, 9:30 is better for me.

9:30 rocks!

Look, Mike... Lindsay's got your ball.

No, wait... she's got both of them.

So?

She's not here yet.

It's a long drive in from the farm you gave away.

I did not give her one thing I really cared about.

Good morning, Mike, Caitlin.

Hmm. Nice watch.

Oh, yeah. Uh, it was my grandfather's.

B-But he would want you to have it.

I was just being nice.