The 60 Yard Line

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Mitch?

Mitch, run!

It's gonna blow up!

Run!

Meet Ben Zagger Zagowski.

This frightened man-child has become

the envy of Green Bay super fans everywhere.

Packer fans are Packer fans for life.

My whole life I've been a Packers fan.

My whole life.

Fans of any team in the world

have a thirst to wear their colors

bigger, better and louder than any other.

This hat has been with me a long time.

Until it completely falls apart,

it's gonna be with me at the games.

It's just really fun, and seeing him,

like, scream at the TV, it's hilarious.

Expecting those closest to them

to join in the journey or suffer the consequences.

I thank God I'm not married to my ex-wife

and I'm married to my lovely current wife

because of the Packers.

There are game days when I don't even

want to be around her,

because of how out-of-bounds she gets

with her passion for the team.

Zagger's desire to be a fan among fans

propelled him to implement his parking lot living room.

This proximity allowed him to be

as close to the action as possible,

proving his commitment.

Zagger would always have his teammates by his side.

In attendance was his only friend, Polano,

a rare Bears fan living behind enemy lines,

as well as Zagger's sister, Debbie,

the smart one in the family.

But most notably was his fiancé, Amy Etzman.

Not her. Ah, there she is.

When Zagger proposed to her eight years ago,

he forever brought her into his world of super fan.

Go Pack, Go!

And she brought him into her world of the employed,

obtaining him a job in the shipping department

at the company where she worked.

Polano, post route.

I got it!

The future looked bright for Zagger,

but the road for Zagger to become

this legendary symbol of fandom

was wrought with great sacrifice, struggle,

and commitment.

Okay, can I look now? It's really hot back here.

I know, the center of my back is always hot.

- Yeah. - I have hot back.

- Yeah, you do. - Okay, keep your eyes closed.

- Okay. - Okay.

All right.

Oh, gosh.

Okay, look.

Oh, my gosh. We did it?

You're not following the

no-sexual-touching-in-the-office policy.

Remember that weird meeting

after the Jablonski/Karen incident?

Karen, cut it out. You're gonna send him back to therapy.

- Holy balls, I love you. - Holy balls, I love you.

Holy balls, I'd rather watch you make out.

Polano, we did it. We finally have enough

money to get married.

Aw, you two are getting married

and Tracey and I are getting a divorce.

The world is balanced.

My grandma sent us a check for 350 bucks,

and that puts us over the mark.

Okay, so is it real this time

or do you want me to react the same way I did

the past five times you told me?

It's so for real that I'll even let you

- bang one of my bridesmaids. - Oh.

Once your divorce is final.

Oh, thank you, Amy. Thank you.

Oh, time. Time, time, time.

- We gotta go. Let's go. - Oh, I do have one question.

How is it that the only Bears fan in Green Bay

wins tickets to a closed Pack practice?

- Karma. - Mm-hm.

- And phony raffle tickets. - There you...

I get it. The voice is because I'm Italian.

I'm only going because you're my best friend,

and I'm gonna email everything I see to Lovie Smith.

- Ooh! - I love you, lover.

I love you.

Oh, babe? What about your work?

Go Pack, go! Half day, bitches!

Damn it, Karen!

Two seconds.

I know if it was my team, I'd want to go straight there.

I'm not going to a practice without my stats binder.

Oh, while you're in there, try and find your testicles.

Dad, make sure you don't weld the wrong crack.

What? There's only one crack in this...

Oh, you mean my butt crack.

- Funny. Good one. - Where's my stats binder?

Hey, uh, so are you two excited?

Oh yeah, of course.

I mean Polano just wants to get out of work.

No, I am talking about you and Amy and the wedding.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're, she's, she's pumped about it.

- Have you seen it? - Did you agree on

the, um, color scheme?

Oh, how about the invites? Did you get those yet?

Or better yet, a save-the-date.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ma. I know, okay? But where is it?

If I don't have the binder, it will affect the whole season.

You knew where it was the whole time.

Don't forget. You and Amy work well together.

You'll make a great team.

Hey, I got a great idea for your save-the-date card.

Look, even your father's serious about it.

You could put an R after the V, like Favre.

Then people might think that they should savor the date,

but I like what you're thinking.

Don't savor the date.

Just save the date like a normal person.

I can't make any promises, Ma, but I'll definitely try.

- I gotta go, okay? I love you. - Okay.

- Please, please. - Yeah.

Just take this seriously, Ben, please?

- I will. - Okay.

- Go Pack, go! - Go Pack, go!

Go Pack, go.

- Guess what? - What?

We set a date!

Should I react the same way I did

the last five times or something different?

No, something different.

Listen girl, I love my brother like he was,

well, my brother, but you deserve someone

who is considerate and who has their shit together

and who showers and puts your needs above theirs.

Hang on, I gotta take this.

Amy, I'm sorry to be the hard-ass new boss,

it's just I need you to...

Oh, you're on the phone.

- Are you on hold? - Yeah.

No, you know what? I'm gonna take care of it.

It's not that big a deal.

You have every right to be on the phone.

You have as much right as a man.

Okay.

To get in my Butkus.

Oh, hey.

What's so funny?

Uh, one of our clients got denied parole.

- Oh. - Anyway, what were

we talking about? Um, oh yeah, what a piece

- of shit my brother is. - He's not.

He even said he had a little surprise for me later.

The only time my brother surprises anyone

is when he acts like an adult, and I have yet to be surprised.

You realize we're watching practice, right?

Dude, when third string is running

Gun Normal-Y-Flex-Tight on first down scenarios,

they are confident. The depth chart is solid.

I think they are big game capable this season.

Yeah, well, the conference championship

is running right through Chicago,

- obviously. - No. No, no.

I forecasted the Bears to finish sub 500

due to lack of run support.

So, what's the surprise for Amy tonight?

Oh, I'm gonna put a deposit down

at that really nice Bayfront resort for the reception.

- Nice. - Right?

Love the cheese curds there.

Whoop, sorry. Whoops, my bad.

Mark Tauscher, right tackle.

The 224th pick of the seventh round of the 2000 draft,

born June 17th, 1977 in Auburndale, Wisconsin.

Wears a size 15 shoe, favorite movie is Kindergarten Cop.

Can you, uh, can you sign, can you sign, sign this for me?

75 man roster, hand-written. Uh, yeah, sure.

Can you make it out to Miss Hot Back?

- Miss Hot Back. - That's my wife.

Fiancé.

- I'm sure you'll figure it out. - Yeah.

- We are figuring it out, and... - Yeah, Bears.

Uh, does anyone ever call you The Tausch Mahal?

- That's not funny. - Uh, no.

Yeah, he does open mics, stand-up, so down, uh...

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Good. - Good.

All right, yes. So, uh, so yeah,

keep stepping in the bucket. Pullin', pullin' and crushin',

active feet, elbows in.

Sure. Will do. Take care.

He's huge.

I don't know what his problem was.