Wynonna Earp

Previously on Wynonna Earp...

Where you been, pervert?

You and Juan Carlo and Constance sealed Bulshar underground!

There has to be a way to beat him.

Soon that weapon will be mine.

- I don't feel well. - Give me the ring!!!

- Take it!! - Your father's ring.

- It found you. - Waverly Earp,

you sweet little lesbian, you did it, you healed me!

Bulshar was looking for the Garden.

You need the Tower to get into the Garden.

Peacemaker is the Tower.

- What does he want? - You'll let them go?

Say you did not give up Wyatt Earp's gun.

- _ - "The guardians were powerless

in the face of evil

that the serpent was perpetrating.

What could they do?

Their remit was to stand by idly,

even as a new reign of terror began."

Forgive me, Father Juan Carlo.

Wyatt Earp is coming.

And right on time.

The Blood Eclipse occurs on this very night.

I had hoped we would be spared.

Spared?

Bulshar spares none.

Hope, Robert, is God's greatest gift to us.

Miss Maeve?

Do you hope? Do you dare?

That is not for me to say, Mr. Svane.

I'll return this to your room, Padre.

No. No. Take it home. Conceal it.

Yes, Padre.

Robert. We need to ride to the flats.

We need to get Peacemaker to the champion.

Yes, Father. With haste we must.

We must, we must, we must...

We must increase our bust?

Bobo, I'm begging you.

Give me something I can hold onto. Please.

Yes.

Hope.

But it's gone.

It's gone.

It's gone.

Guess you must feel pretty useless too, huh, Bobo?

We are the heirs of cruelty and torture.

I'm sorry, we have to keep you in here.

No.

I can't be trusted.

Out of the mouths of Bae.

Hi. We brought you a quintuple-shot latte.

Yeah, the barista said it was like drinking a liter

of espresso straight-up, but we made her make it anyhoo.

It'll do.

- Are you okay? - Meh.

Bobo knows something that might help

with this whole end-of-the-world mishigas.

But he can't pull it off his French-fried hard drive.

I'm worried about you.

With Doc and your gun gone, you know?

Even allowing for the whole end-of-the-world mishigas.

- Alright, I gotta go. - Where?

I don't know. Just... I can't sit here and do this.

Research is your thing.

Hey.

You're still the heir, Wynonna.

We're counting on you.

Spoiler alert: being the heir sucks balls.

Ah!

Come and get it, Chosen One.

Bulshar knows where the Garden of Eden is,

and he has the key to open it.

What do we have?

Uh... each other?

Squat.

And... and really great calves.

Both of us.

Seriously, have you ever contemplated these?

Yeah, that's all genetics, too.

Like, I don't even take the stairs.

Well, it sucks that those works of art will be

destroyed by Bulshar's reign of evil.

Yeah, my gams are the real victims here.

Hey, all I'm trying to say is...

... we can't give up. We can't.

I know, but I don't know what else to look at!

We've read every bit of history

and research we could get our hands on

and... and it's not like Bulshar has Pinterest!

Whenever I'm confused watching Game of Thrones,

I, uh, watch a recap of the season to remember

which bearded guy cut off the head of the other bearded guy...

Care Bear, looming apocalypse?

We need a recap.

Okay. Okay. Right.

We know Bulshar has some kind of power over the woods.

Yeah, that guy would kill on Tinder.

Like if the Giving Tree had sex with a Stephen King story.

He wants into the Garden. Do we know why?

Maybe that's tree-related too.

Yeah, the Bible claims there were

two trees in the Garden of Eden. Right?

The Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge.

Not only the Bible, but the Kabbalah, the Talmud,

the Qu'ran and that really weird Hugh Jackman film.

But it's in Purgatory?

We don't even have an Ikea!

Let me out!!

I want out of this cage.

Now.

Well, a cage has bars.

It's technically more of a terrarium.

Yeah, that's usually where people keep lizards, so...

He... took her book.

Who?

Doc?

- Hey, gorgeous. - What are you doing?

Well, if you start early, it encourages growth.

I'm fixing your lawnmower.

We have a lawnmower?

No, see, you're Wynonna Earp, you're supposed to say, uh...

"Is that code?" And I say, "No, but I'd like it to be."

And then you say, um...

"My lawn is perfectly trimmed."

And I say something...

We're T-minus 24 hours to an apocalypse.

Everyone's gonna die.

Huh...

Well, if we don't,

you're gonna want a nice soft place to have a picnic.

We're hugging?

- Shush. - You're hugging me?

Should I be nice and normal more or never, ever again?

- I said shush. - Okay, shushing now.

- Doc. - Doc?

- Doc. - Doc what?

Doc bit your maybe boyfriend?

I feel you, son.

- Ask Holliday about a witch. - Okay.

Her name is...

Juan Carlo. Juan Carlo.

No. No! No, Bobo!

Juan Carlo was the Father. Remember?

No! Juan Carlo said they were wrong.

He defended her when no one else did.

They didn't care.

They never cared.

He's coming.

- Bobo. - He's coming.

- Bobo, stay with me. - Ride for the flats!

- Ride for the flats!! - Bobo! Bobo, wait!

- And... he's gone. - Gone from what?

You guys capture a pterodactyl or something?

No, it's just Bobo. Flipping the flip out.

You want me to flip him in the flippers? Balls.

Do you want me to kick him in the...

in... in the balls? No. Okay.

Hey, do you know where Doc is?

Uh, no, but I'm pretty sure I can find him.

Good.

Ask him who...

... Maeve was.

Kinda thought you might be avoiding me again.

No, just been busy.

If anybody was gonna get cold feet after

a date involving a reanimated witch,

- I figured it'd be me. - Yeah, well, that was cool.

- Some might say super cool. - But then I got, uh...

... stuck in a booby-trapped house with a vampire,

a demon and an over-dramatic douche in a fur coat.

Plus the world's ending any minute, so...

smoke 'em if you got 'em.

I don't got 'em.

Bulshar turned people into trees

and used their root system

to find the Garden... as in, the... the Garden.

It's... it's pretty ingenious, actually.

Are you fan-girling the bad guy?

He's winning. And I'm just not sure

what other options are on my tiny little table at the moment.

We could go see who that is.

You got your magic gun ready to go?

- I gave it to my mortal enemy. - You what?

To be fair, it was a regift.

Wait a minute. You did what?

We doin' this or not?

You're on my porch!

Wow, you're a regular Mariska Hargitay.

- No gun. - No.

Who the hell are you now?

I'm Kevin.

And I'm gonna help you save the world, Earp.

Next time, lead with that.

Take it. The money's in the menu.

It's too much. I only brought one.

One bag? You brought me one bag?!

All I could get without catching shit. Make it last.

You know, you have a liquor license.