Parks and Recreation

GREG PIKITIS.

- YOU'RE THE PARKS LADY, RIGHT?

- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. I'M THE PARKS LADY.

LESLIE KNOPE.

AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THIS YEAR, IT ENDS.

UGH, THIS KID MAKES ME CRAZY.

WE GOT A HISTORY, GREG AND I.

HE ABSOLUTELY TERRORIZES THE PARK SYSTEM.

EVERY HALLOWEEN SOMEONE DEFACES THE STATUE

OF MAYOR PERCY AND RAMSETT PARK.

AND I KNOW IT'S GREG PIKITIS,

BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO PROVE IT.

HE'S LIKE AN INVISIBLE, ADOLESCENT JAMES BOND

SUPER-VILLAIN CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.

OR MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE IS DOING IT.

BUT I REALLY FEEL LIKE IT'S THIS KID.

GOT THE ENTIRE PARKS DEPARTMENT WATCHING YOU,

MY BOYFRIEND'S A COP.

SO DON'T EVEN TRY IT.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

OH, I THINK YOU DO.

IT ENDS TODAY, PIKITIS.

IT ENDS...

TO...

DAY.

- THANKS FOR STOPPING BY, LESLIE. YOU LOOK GREAT.

THANK YOU.

ENDS TODAY.

*

HEY, PARKS DEPARTMENT.

YAY, ANN'S HERE.

- UH, JUST TO REMIND YOU--

TONIGHT, 7:00, MY HOUSE, IN COSTUME. EVERYBODY IN?

- MM. - YUP.

COOL. OKAY.

HALLOWEEN IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY.

IT'S JUST THE BEST.

AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORK.

HEY, SLUTTY TEENAGE GIRLS DRESSED AS SEXY KITTENS,

PUMP YOUR OWN STOMACHS THIS YEAR.

OH, ONE MORE THING.

THE PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM NOW ARE THE PEOPLE I INVITED.

PLUS LESLIE AND DONNA, SO DON'T TELL ANYBODY.

- WHO'S NOT INVITED, THEN?

- HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON, CUPCAKE?

EXCITED ABOUT THE PARTY TONIGHT.

- OH. OH, YOU'RE COMING. I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TELL YOU.

JERRY ALREADY TOLD ME.

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW TINY YOUR COSTUME IS.

WHAT TIME DOES IT START?

- 7:00. - PERFECT.

YEAH, IT'S PERFECT.

CHECK THIS OUT.

THESE ARE ALL THE POSSIBLE ROUTES

FROM GREG PIKITIS' HOUSE TO THE STATUE.

- THAT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING YOU WOULD FIND

ON THE WALL OF A SERIAL KILLER.

- IN A WAY THAT'S A COMPLIMENT.

SHOWS DEDICATION. - MM.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ANYWAY?

I MEAN, A KID TPs SOME STATUE.

- AND ALL THE TREES AND ALL THE BENCHES.

IT TAKES US, LIKE, TEN DAYS TO CLEAN HIS MESS UP.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, GREG PIKITIS SUCKS,

AND I WANT TO DESTROY HIM.

OKAY.

WELL, IF YOU DESTROY HIM EARLY, PLEASE COME BY.

I WILL.

HEY, HOW IS SOMEONE GONNA BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH THAT DOOR?

OH.

OH! WHAT THE--

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

JERRY, RELAX. HERE.

AH, WILLIAM PERCY.

ONE OF PAWNEE'S GREATEST MAYORS, AND A TRUE HERO.

DURING THE PAWNEE BREAD FACTORY FIRE OF 1922,

HE RAN BACK INTO A BURNING BUILDING

AND SAVED THE BELOVED SECRET RECIPE FOR PAWNEE PUMPERNICKEL.

- DIDN'T, LIKE, 30 PEOPLE DIE IN THAT FIRE?

HE WASN'T SUPERMAN.

- HE LOOKS LIKE RON SWANSON.

IS THAT WHO THIS IS BASED ON?

- NO, IT'S BASED ON WILLIAM PERCY.

WERE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT I JUST SAID?

YES.

OKAY, ANDY. GOOD NEWS.

YOU'RE OFFICIALLY ON THE PARKS DEPARTMENT PAYROLL.

$8 AN HOUR. - WHOO-HOO!

COMMIT THIS TO MEMORY.

YOU SEE HIM, YOU STOP HIM.

KNOCK HIS HEAD OFF IF YOU HAVE TO.

- DON'T DO THAT. - DON'T DO THAT.

BUT I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO USE EXCESSIVE FORCE.

- DON'T USE EXCESSIVE FORCE. - DON'T GO OVERBOARD.

JUST STOP HIM.

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. - NO.

NO.

JUST STOP HIM. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

- A WEEK AGO, I HAD NOTHING. NOW I HAVE A PART-TIME JOB,

I'M GONNA MAKE 32 BUCKS TONIGHT.

I OWE LESLIE EVERYTHING I HAVE.

WHICH AFTER TONIGHT WILL BE 39 BUCKS.

- HELLO, ANN. - HEY.

AM I EARLY?

- NOPE, YOU ARE RIGHT ON TIME.

I LIKE YOUR COSTUME.

- OH, THANKS. RAGGEDY ANN.

IT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS WHEN I WAS A KID.

HMM.

- * HE DID THE MONSTER MASH *

* THE MONSTER MASH

- I'M A PIRATE. - RIGHT.

OH, HEY, DR. HARRIS. HOW ARE YOU?

- ANN. - THANKS.

UM, THIS IS RON SWANSON FROM THE PARKS DEPARTMENT.

I KNOW HIM FROM THAT THING THAT I'M DOING.

THIS IS DR. HARRIS.

- YOU'RE A DOCTOR. - YEAH.

- I MEANT YOUR COSTUME. - I GOT IT.

*

WORLDS COLLIDING.

ALWAYS AWKWARD.

8:22 P.M.

SUSPECT STILL WITH FRIENDS IN PARKING LOT.

HE LOOKS OBNOXIOUS AND IRRITATING

EVEN FROM A GREAT DISTANCE.

UH, CONFIRMED.

NORMALLY I HATE WORKING ON HALLOWEEN, BUT, UH,

IT'S NICE HANGING OUT WITH LESLIE.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S FOCUSED, SHE'S COMMITTED,

AND, UH, SHE MADE OUT WITH ME IN MY COP CAR.

IT WAS PRETTY NEAT.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT. THAT'S CLEAR TO ME NOW.

*

HEY, GUYS.

HEY.

REMEMBER MY BOYFRIEND DEREK?

AND HIS BOYFRIEND BEN?

YEAH, HI.

IT'S TOTALLY OKAY THAT YOU DIDN'T WEAR A COSTUME.

- I DID. I'M A STRAIGHT PERSON.

HEY. SORRY I'M LATE.

SEE?

- SORRY IT'S A LITTLE BIT LAME RIGHT NOW,

BUT WE'LL GET IT GOING.

- I PASSED UP A GAY HALLOWEEN PARTY TO BE HERE.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FUN GAY HALLOWEEN PARTIES ARE?

LAST YEAR I SAW THREE JONAS BROTHERS

MAKE OUT WITH THREE ROBERT PATTINSONS.

IT WAS AMAZING.

- SO YOU'RE THE MARK THAT ANN IS DATING.

I SUPPOSE THAT I AM.

- WE'RE VERY PROTECTIVE OF ANN. WE LOOK OUT FOR HER.

- SO YOU KIND OF DROPPED THE BALL

WITH ANDY, THEN, DIDN'T YOU?

OH, ANDY.

- I LOVED ANDY. OH, SUCH A SWEETHEART.

IS ANDY COMING TONIGHT?

- YOU SHOULD GET BACK WITH ANDY.

WHO NEEDS A DRINK?

I DO.

- SUSPECT LAUGHING WITH FRIENDS

AND PLAYING WITH HIS STUPID SKATEBOARD

IN A SNIDE, TURD-ISH MANNER.

"TURD-ISH"?

- YES. LIKE A TURD. LIKE A LITTLE TURD.

HEY, LISTEN.

YOUR SCARE TACTICS CLEARLY WORKED,

YOU GOT ANDY GUARDING THE STATUE,

WHY DON'T WE GO TO ANN'S PARTY?

HAVE A LITTLE FUN.

OH, UH, WE WANTED TO COVER THAT BLOCK ANYWAY.

WANTED A POLICE PRESENCE ON IT, SO THAT'S--

THIS IS WITHIN THE BOU-- UH, CONFINES OF--

SURE, LET'S GO.

- YEAH? OKAY. - YEAH.

WE'LL GO BY MY OFFICE AND PICK UP MY COSTUME.

GOT IT.

- CAN'T WE JUST FIRE A WARNING SHOT

OVER HIS HEAD AS WE DRIVE BY?

- NO, BABE, DON'T TOUCH THAT.

UGH...

LEAVING LOCATION. LOOK AT STUPID SUSPECT.

I HATE SUSPECT.

WHERE ARE MY KEYS?

LOOKS LIKE IT'S OPEN.

REALLY?

PIKITIS!

- WE'VE BEEN TAILING THAT KID FOR A COUPLE HOURS.

I MEAN, IT MUST'VE BEEN SOMEBODY ELSE.

IT WAS PIKITIS.

BELIEVE ME NOW.

- THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME.

- THIS IS A PEACH PIT. - OKAY.

- HE WAS EATING A PEACH WHEN I WENT TO GO TALK TO HIM.

THIS IS HIS ACE OF SPADES.

THIS IS HIS CALLING CARD,

THIS IS WHAT HE LEAVES ALL HIS VICTIMS.

AND IT'S STILL WARM.

OKAY, GO AND ARREST HIM AND SEND THIS TO THE LAB.