The Carrie Diaries

Before there was sex...

Before there was the city, there was just me,

Carrie... Carrie Bradshaw from Castlebury, Connecticut.

I thought you were all into Bennet.

I really like him. It just feels like

we're in Nowhere's Land until I'm legal.

That "gym" really seems all-consuming for you.

I've been enjoying myself.

Here's to two loose-lipped losers

who created their own messes.

- We've been friends for a long time. - That means something.

Maybe all it means is that it's been a long time,

because it certainly doesn't mean you're a good friend.

I've apologized to Carrie, like, a hundred times.

She won't hear me out.

You don't get it, do you? I lost her because of what we did.

Can we talk? I really gotta get going.

Can I help you? If you don't let me in,

I'm gonna have to tell Sam you were rude to me.

Oh, I understand. And Sam heard everything.

And P. S.... I prefer "Samantha."

If you ever need anything, you know where I live.

Can I stay here for a couple days?

Yikes. This review of "Teen Wolf" is brutal.

"Aggressively boring" "Dies a natural death"

from day one, we're taught

that it's important to express how we really feel.

I could never be a movie critic.

I'd be too worried about hurting Michael J. Fox's feelings

to say anything mean.

Especially because he's so cute.

I couldn't either.

Being a W.A.S.P. means I lack the ability

to express direct criticism.

Pretty sure it was part of the Mayflower Compact.

Well, I don't care how bad the movie reviews are.

I still wanna see it.

- It's playing at 8:35 tonight. - Ahem.

- You wanna go see it? - Here we go.

While others have no trouble

putting everything they feel out there.

God, this heat.

I might as well be back in Florida.

I don't know how you people can drink coffee.

At home, we had a trick to beat the heat...

Cold underwear.

Now where did I put 'em?

Here we are.

She was only supposed to be here a few days,

and it's been three weeks.

Don't you people believe in food?

There's barely anything in here.

Well, I haven't opened that thing once

- since we've been here. - Said with pride.

Well, the deli delivers everything, including coffee.

Oh, it's probably for me.

And next time you order, get me a banana or something.

(Cup clatters)

Look, Samantha's great,

but great has overstayed her welcome

because great is always naked,

leaves her stuff everywhere,

and has no sense of personal boundaries.

Carrie, you have to say something.

Well, I have.

Have you said the words "You have to move out"?

I've dropped hints.

You're right, Carrie.

There's some great stuff in here.

"Phone sex operators wanted. Work from home. $6.99 a minute"

That wasn't exactly what I meant.

Hi.

Okay, so that didn't go as planned.

wrong number.

I thought it was my client with the spanking fetish.

He's so needy.

I'll say that didn't go as planned.

Look, Samantha makes me laugh. I like her.

I just don't wanna live with her anymore.

Carrie, no! The spanker!

The Carrie Diaries 02x02 Express Yourself Originally Aired November 1, 2013

Hello? Hey there, kiddo.

Oh! Dad, thank God.

Wow. You actually sound happy hear from me.

That has to be a first.

Well, of course I'm happy to hear from you.

Everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah, it's great.

It's actually kind of fun to have the place to myself

while Dorrit is away with Audrey's family.

And you're sure Dorrit's with Audrey at the beach,

not with Miller?

I watched her leave,

and both of Audrey's parents were in the car, so...

I'm... 70% sure. Yeah.

So you're free to, uh...

Well, what are you going to do?

Not sure.

Thought I'd maybe...

Hang out with some friends or something.

Dad, you can talk about Deb with me.

See? I said it. I don't have to call her "the gym" anymore.

So you're gonna hang out with Deb. That's great.

It is, but that's not the reason I called.

I actually have some really exciting news.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I just met the niece of a client of mine,

and it turns out that she teaches writing

at the new school in Manhattan.

Now they have a program for gifted high school writers.

So, of course, I told her that

my daughter was the most gifted of the gifted,

and uh, she agreed to meet with you.

Are you kidding? That's amazing!

Good. Good. Okay, she's gonna call me later this week

with the time for you to go on in and meet her.

Wow.

Hello? Oh.

Oh!

Hello there, big boy.

Has someone been very naughty?

Samantha, I'm on the phone.

Oops. Sorry.

What the hell is going on in your house?

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. It's... it's fine.

Um, Larissa has, um, a party line,

so the most random people are always hopping on.

Party lines still exist?

In Tribeca they do.

Well, she's not runnin' now,

but it won't take much to change that.

Whoa. Dad, what's this?

Original 1955 Porsche Spyder.

I-I know. I mean, what's it doin' here?

Well, I bought it.

No way.

What?

That's so awesome!

I... she is dead ringer for James Dean's "Little Bastard".

Oh, my gosh. It's beautiful.

Yeah, I know.

Remember when you owned your first gas station,

some jackass had one and was always yelling at you

about the cost of keeping it going?

And I told him... you wanna play, you gotta pay.

These cars are tricky.

And yet you still bought it.

Yeah, well,

I'm a glutton for punishment when it comes to cars. (Laughs)

How about we fix this bastard up together?

Really? You'd want to do that?

Yeah, of course.

You and me. It'll be fun.

I'm getting such a head start on organic chemistry

with this program.

My future pre-med classmates can... (Singsongy) suck it!

Man, I do miss you, Mouse.

I like that you think it's cute when I'm psycho-competitive.

Not cute. Sexy.

Have you seen Carrie yet?

Not yet. It's Walt's b-day this weekend,

and I'm making him his favorite dish... Quiche Lorraine.

That's great. What's your room like?

It's fun. Pretty small.

And are you hot?

I'm reasonably comfortable.

Why? You sure about that?

You must be a little hot.

See ya, West. Hey, night, West.

What are you wearing?

Mm, blue sweatpants that say "Columbia" on my, um, leg.

I think you need to get out of those.

I can't do this right now.

I have a roommate.

So it'll be me, you, Mouse, Donna, and Samantha.

Wow. I have a lot of girlfriends.

The gays usually do.

What about Bennet?

Isn't your 18th birthday a big day for you 2?

Like, you can officially be a couple now?

Yeah, I would like Bennet there.

Or is that too weird?

I turn 18 and try to jump him.

It's not weird. It's wonderful...

and romantic.

I'll invite him like it's no big deal,

so if things don't go as planned,

you haven't put anything out there.

I like that idea.

Good.

Wait. Are those for my birthday?

Mm... no. Those belong to Samantha, I think.

Are those Rolexes?

Don't these cost, like, thousands of dollars?

There's... tons of them.

Is she fencing hot goods?

Fake hot goods?