Life in Pieces

_

Ooh, Cannonball Run!

Uh, Run-D.M.C.!

Born to Run! Ooh.

Uh... Clueless!

The Running Man! All right?

- Oh... - Come on, I'm running,

I'm a man...

Well, we all got the "running" part.

Oh, I am out of shape.

I gotta start working out,

'cause I'm living for someone else now, you know?

Not you, for Lark.

- Oh. Thank you. - I mean,

I want to be able to do that Dirty Dancing lift

at her wedding, you know?

Do that...

One of those.

It'd be beautiful, right?

I feel like that would be maybe weird.

You know, I think you should join my gym.

- Yeah? - They helped me lose 60 pounds.

Yeah. Wait, what?

Huh.

Mm-hmm.

Hey!

You must be Greg!

Good morning, Greg!

Clinton Chesnut, C.P.T.

Oh. Greg Short, d-a-d.

- New dad. - Yeah, yeah.

I see that. (laughs)

Hey, every great journey

starts with a single step.

Are you ready to take that step, Greg?

Yeah, I think so. Is it far?

We've already begun.

Come on, I'll show you around.

- Okay. - Let's do this.

Come on.

With our state-of-the-art technology,

you can row any boat

through any time period.

Stanley, here, is on the Amistad.

Dawn is on one of the lifeboats from the Titanic.

- Oh, wow. - Uh...

Women and children only.Right.

Know what I mean? Come on.

Now, I have been in a lot of locker rooms, Greg,

but these towels are the best.

Thread count so high they stopped counting.

You like to dance, Greg?

Yeah, I did a little soft-shoe tap in my day.

You know? My mom let me chase my dream.

Soft shoe tap is cool,

but square dancing is more of a high-octane,

- whole-body experience. - Yeah.

Now, two by two, let's promenade!

Promenade, promenade.

Now squat! Squat!

Squat! Squat!

Squat! Squat...

I'm so pumped.

Are you sure you don't want

to take up the extension?

You could save up to five percent.

No, look, I appreciate it,

but there is no doubt in my mind.

It is the ten-year Platinum Package.

You know, 'cause we might move.

The ten-year plan is a great plan.

And you get two free car washes with that.

Per month?

No.

Oh, you're up early.

You got a new paper route I didn't know about?

Oh, well, I was late

for my belly busters class because I was

spending all this time trying to get

my phone in this cool new holster.

But now I can't get

the phone to work. It's...

Honey, this has 900 calories,

56 grams of sugar

and 87 carbs.

This is quite a meal you're replacing.

Oh, no, that's a supplement.

I just ate six eggs.

Yeah, Clinton says I gotta have calories to burn,

otherwise I'm just gonna burn away all my muscle.

Who's Clinton?

Who is Clinton?

Uh, that dude right there.

He only charged me 80 bucks.

Ooh, Bargain City.

Um...

I love your enthusiasm.

Don't ever change.

I just want to make sure

that you haven't lost sight

of why you're doing this.

I am doing this for Lark,

so that I can be there for her.

Look, can you go get her?

Because I am running late

to my Double CrossFit class.

Okay? Thanks.

It's where we trick each other into working out.

Okay. (clears throat)

Daddy gonna get big!

Okay, okay, okay...

Greg?

What is this bike...

What on earth are you doing?

Is that my razor?

Gearing up for my first ride.

You know it's twice the cardio

than on those stupid stationary machines?

Yeah, and you get to be out in nature.

I love nature!

You went to the doctor

because you thought you were allergic to wind.

Yeah, but he gave me a cream.

Um, what happened to the gym?

Oh, no,

I'm done with the gym. Ten years is all

those suckers are going to get out of me.

Ten years?

Did you see the baby seat that I got for Lark?

I can get my workout in

and spend time with her.

I mean, that's what this whole thing is about, you know?

Me spending time with Lark.

Oh, uh, do you mind getting her?

I-I can't walk on these bike shoes.

_

Okay. Hey. Huge deal

that we are not getting

a babysitter for an overnight,

so do not make me regret this.

All right. Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop

are right across the street if you need anything...

although don't need anything after 8:00 p.m.,

because they will be sleeping.

All right.

I trust you.

I trust you. Most of the time.

Trust you.

- I really trust you. Really. - Yep.

Okay, bring it in, guy.

Be good. You know.

Uh, number for the hotel is on the fridge.

If we don't answer right away, it's 'cause we're...

getting ice

and we'll call you back in around 15 minutes.

Ooh, 15 minutes.

Gotta make sure we both get some ice.

Okay, uh, hi. What's this for?

Ice always goes better with vodka.

- Okay, gotta go, kids, bye! - All right, bye, love you!

Bye, Mom.

Have fun! Bye.

I got five people coming over.

I've got my whole class.

I want to be remembered as the guy who threw huge ragers,

not just the kid who wore a top hat in the yearbook.

Just poop your pants.

That stays with people.

Mason S. has been coasting on it since Pre-K.

There's, like, eight people here.

First party with my parents out of town

and hardly anybody shows up.

I can't make a legend out of that.

It's not that bad.

Doing a jigsaw puzzle

in the kitchen,

if anyone's interested.

Oh, two bunnies in a basket.

Really?

Okay, it's bad.

Hey.

What if we play everyone our new track?

That's genius.

Okay, perfect, and I'm gonna tweet

all our Funeral Goose fans.

Are you sure this place can handle

six more people?

For you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Cheers.

Yep.

- Mmm. - Mmm!

Wow, that's really smooth.

- It's like water. - Oh, yeah.

Is this just water or am I an alcoholic?

I think somebody swapped out our vodka for water.