High Maintenance

Girl: Here is it.

- Oh! That is disgusting! - That is some ratchet shit.

- Oh, my God. - That looks like a gnarled root.

You have to rethink premed

if you can't handle looking at an erect penis!

- Erect? What kind of doctor are you trying to be? - Let me see.

Oh, that is so gross. Why? Why would anybody wanna look at that?

No! That's what he sent her after she broke up with him.

- She broke up with him? - That's aggro.

- She broke up with him? - Yeah.

She was gonna get weed for me from him.

Oh, that is not gonna happen anymore.

- How do you even study stoned? - I don't know. I'm a genius?

- Oh, she's a genius. - That's what we were missing.

It doesn't mess anything up, so just let me...

- You do you, girl. - You live your life.

I need to pick up my cousin from her youth group thing,

- so I gotta go. - I gotta go too. I'll walk with you.

- Okay, sounds good. Bye, girl. - All: Bye!

Why does Chantal have that picture?

I was wondering the same thing. She's keeping that dick pic.

Here.

- It's okay, I guess. - You don't know anything.

Go pick whatever you want, okay?

- And get me a drink, yeah? - Yeah!

You can choose.

Um, can I have a pack of those guys over there?

- Can I see your ID? - Yeah.

You need to be 21 to buy cigarettes.

Really? Oh, well, I'm from Texas.

You only have to be 18 there, so...

Can you make an exception for me just this once, please?

- You don't look that tall. - I am that tall.

- But you don't look that! - The half is very important.

I am five-three and a half.

Well, well, you may be five-three, but...

- No, I don't think so. - Baba!

Hey.

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I have a lot of work, though. My biology professor hates us.

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- You can handle it. - How were your classes?

Same as always. It looks like my students hate me.

- I got a 98 on my Mandarin. - Very good. Very good.

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Eesha: I'm sorry. I got busy earlier,

and then I had to pick up Nasim from the masjid, so I'm sorry.

Yeah, we're walking up the stairs with him right now.

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Faruq khaloo says hi.

There's this fish lab I need a little bit of help on.

I'll help you with the fish lab.

- Sorry. - What's that smell, baba?

That smell? _ Okay?

Every time you get that smell, you walk the other way.

Well, I smell it in the hallway all the time.

So good, now you know...

Sorry.

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Just pass it over.

- Beta, you can remove the head thing. We're home. - I like it, though.

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We talked, like, God, twice already today.

She really needs something better to do with her time.

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It's a matter of adjustment.

I'm sure we'll be the same when Nasim goes to college.

Maybe I can go to Texas A&M and live with Khaloo and Khala?

Oh, they'd actually love that. You'd be their dream daughter, Nasim.

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Harvard.

Oh, so does that mean you're gonna actually let her live in the dorms?

This is all a little bit too far off, huh?

- Let's just enjoy the tacos. - Can we have pasanday gosht? Like naanni's?

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Eesha : Nasim.

Nasim, are you awake?

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I was with friends who smoke, kahloojee. It wasn't me.

Can we just please agree that I'm not stupid?

Don't worry, I'm not going to tell your mother.

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But don't bring that filthy shit around my kids or in my house.

Man : Dealing with Heidi. How was the club?

- I did "Hot in Here." - You didn't!

- Woman: I did. - Man: Talent show style?

It's not over yet.

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Good night, gundai.

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He's so ridiculous.

Are you going to be up for a while?

I'm probably gonna be up for a couple more hours.

Can you turn off the lights before you go to bed?

- Yeah, of course. - Okay.

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- Okay. - Are you sure you don't want to come with us?

They're offering them at the student union,

so I'm gonna get 'em there 'cause I have a lot of work to do.

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- Or else you're gonna burn out. - I will.

But first can you help me with this please?

Yeah, of course.

Don't forget you said you'd make pasanday gosht tonight!

Okay, Nasim. I'll see. Let me put my shoes on.

Okay. Mohammed! Zishan!

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Fight Zone. You guys want some help?

- Yeah. - Yeah, sure. Yeah, no problem.

- Ready? - Yeah.

Oh, here we go.

- - Wow. I really thought I was much stronger...

than I actually am. Watch out, boys.

Ah! There you go.

- Thank you. - No problem. Have a good one.

I started defrosting some lamb. Can you take it out of the refrigerator,

- and we can put it in the rice? - Okay.

- Hey, what's up? - Woman: Come in. He's here.

The Guy: Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, um, can I buy some?

What do you mean?

You know what I mean.

No, I don't know what you mean.

Um, I mean, I live right there. I can smell it.

Um...

Did I see you downstairs with your mom just now?

- Yeah, that's my aunt. - Okay.

Um, sorry. No, I can't.

Come on, dude! What's the deal? I have money.

- I don't sell to kids, man. - I'm not a kid. I'm in college.

- Well, get weed at college then. - I can't.

It's complicated. I lost my connect.

I get it, but I have this system where people give me

a referral of other people, and that's how you get weed from me.

So I'm sorry, I can't help you today.

- I can't go bending the rules. - Okay.

Maybe ask your neighbors?

Eesha! What are you doing?

- My mom's home. She's looking for you. - What time is it?

- 4:30. - Shit!

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Kunza: It would have tasted better if there was lamb in it.

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Yes, but we also have a niece who can't follow simple directions.

Khala, I'm sorry. I forgot.

You okay, beta? You look a little tired.

Yeah, I'm okay. I've just had a long week. I'll be fine.

- Maybe you shouldn't go to Rabia's tonight. - No, seriously. I'm fine.

Oh man.

Shit.

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Huh?

Your ami is trying to get in touch with you.

I'm sorry, I left my phone.

You left something on the roof.

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Man: So the ultrasound showed no signs of cancer,

but you did test positive for chlamydia,

so that's likely what's causing your discomfort.

Now, on the plus side, chlamydia is very treatable.

I'm gonna write you a prescription for doxycycline.

You're going to need to refrain from sex for at least one week

until both you and your partner are treated, all right?

Yeah.

God! Nobody's answering their phone or their emails this week.

- I'm still waiting for a response from guess who? - Hmm?

- Miwa. - Ugh, Miwa.

Well, you know, maybe she took off for the long weekend

and got into a robbery at the convenience store.

911? This is Miwa. I'm at the Wawa.

How do you know about Wawa?

The Wawa? There's a Wawa near where, uh,

Becky's parents have their lake house.

- Okay. Okay. Yes. - Wawa.

I've been working on that Miwa-Wawa gag for ages.

Didn't think that would get a laugh.

A bit of niche, regional humor. Are you not entertained?

I am very entertained by you.

Oh, if you guys don't have any plans this weekend,

you should come by Leo's birthday party Saturday.

- Oh! That'd be great. - Yeah? Uh, no pressure.

- Yeah. Is it a late one? Should we get us a sitter? - Oh, yeah.

- Definitely get a sitter. - Um, well, let me check in with the boss.

See if she's made any plans that I don't know about.